indian spirit
Member
What is the name of your state? AR, LA, MD
This will be a bit long so thank you in advance for reading all the way through.
Just want to make sure i give all the information i can for the best response.
My ex and I were Married for 7 years (1 month shy of that)
In 1997 I had an affair, We attempted to reconcile, sought therapy, but our marriage could not be fixed for issues on both sides.
We had 3 children, 1993, 1995, and 1998.
In Nov. 1999, i went home for a visit, we thought we needed a break from one another, his idea/offer. I was to be gone for 1 week. Had a round trip ticket. The children, 1 was in First Grade, 1 in Preschool, and the other attended daycare, as I was active in their schooling, stayed behind with their father.
My ex left the airport and went to a lawyers office and filed abandonment. He had a very nasty lawyer, I didnt have one as I was a stay at home mom, with no income of my own. No way to raise the funds in the time needed, ( family was not ble to loan te money)
We were divorced Feb. 28, 2000. In the divorce decree, I was given "reasonable visitation with the children" and the entire 2 sentences read.. ' The defendent shall be entitled to have reasonable visitation with the children in AR. The defendent shall provide the plantiff with at least a two week notice on when she intends to excerise her visitation. now the underline portion The JUDGE crossed out what the attorney wanted, and it stood as i was to have reasonable visitation.
(the reason i didnt fight for custody, is he was a good father, and i had no means to support them. I didnt have a home to live in, a job, pretty much all i had was about a weeks worth of clothes. I did what i thought was best for my kids, not what i wanted)
Now, after the divorce was final and we were done hurting each other, we grew up and became civil to one another as we do have 3 children.
He called me in April, and said that he needed someone to watch the kids that he could trust as the live in Au Pair had left bruises on our Older childs arm. I left the same day on an airplane, within 3 hours of this call. ( Ex paid for the ticket)
oh just a bit of info, we were divorced in Ar, I was in MD, and in March ex and kids moved to LA
I moved in with him, we had seperate bedrooms, and proceeded to live together platonically for about 8 months, And we got along wonderfully, had in a sense became best friends. Also in this time i noticed that his drinking had gotten out of control. I called him on it, after he had been arrested 2 times the last was for discharging a firearm.
I moved out. Again the kids stayed with Ex, but i had liberal visitaion, as in they came to my house after school, ate dinner with me, only slept at dads house, and caught the bus.
Ex brought youngest to daycare, Which i picked up when i got off work.
Now this arrangement goes on for about a year.
In the summer of 2002 my ex brother( my sisters ex) and law and my neice move down from CA, and stay with my ex. The children, stay with my neice during the day. On a Friday, the children were staying at their dads, and he and ex brother in law, were drinking and were outside skipping rocks, not sure exactly what happened but to sum it up the hit a neighbors car, they called the police, and when the police arrived the 2 were pretty much 3 sheets to the wind, and decided to argue with the police and they both got arrested. My ex called me to come bail him out, which i did on monday.
Now they held Ex over on non payment of child support for a child he had prior to our marriage. They were going to extradite him back to MD. During this time the kids were living with me. And i got into a confortation with my ex MIL about the kids. My ex was worried that I was going to take custody from him. So his Mother, wanted to send his Sister who lied in MS to come get the kids. well that wasnt happening for reasons that dont need to be address in a public forumn. After 6.5 weeks, his mother took out a second mortage on her home, and paid the back support in full $12K to get him released, and avoid extradition.
my Ex only had communications with my ex MIL, as I had a collect block on my phone and he was only able to call me the one time. So his Mother was filling his head with BS that i was taking hte kids from him.
Which wasnt the case. I worked in a non profit that had laywers that worked in our office, and one of them drew up the papers I needed for emergent temp. Custody. Which the judge didnt sign becasue even though we all lived in LA for 2 years they Said AR still had jurisdiction, but it was good enough for me to make his mother think that is she or his sister showed up at my house they would both be arrested.
So when he got out he called me from a payphone demanding i have the children at his house by the time he gets there, got him calmed down enough on the phone, and i went to pick him up, And after he read the papers and say that it was just to keep his mother and sister from taking hte kids and NO WHERE in the papers was i seeking perm. custody. Things were fine. He was rentng a place and because of the arrest, lost the house.
He moved into my townhouse. He took the kids room downstairs, and we moved their bunkbeds to my room.
We both had sign. others, and the situation was working well for us again.
In Oct. 2002, while in my care, our eldest and youngest children died in a drowning accident. It was declared an accident.
My ex blamed me and took our middle child and went to his gf's. He refused to allow me to see him. And this time the tables had turned, he didnt have the money for an attorney, no place to live. I told him on the phone if he did not allow me to see our child, I would take him to court and with his background, there was no way in hell I would be refused.
I was able to see him on the weekends, In july 2003, my ex went on on a binger( after the boys died his drinking had gotten to the extreme) and left our son at day camp until after 9 pm, was supposed to picked up by 6 pm. Showed up drunker than cooter brown, but the attendent for what ever reasons allowed my ex to take him. ( he was in a cab)
In the morning, when she told her supervisor, her supervisor called OCS, they arrived at my ex's house around 11 am, and he was still sleeping/passed out and our son hadnt eaten, and was playing a video game. ( he was 8)
OCS told him that if he couldnt produce a relative that could take custody the weret aking him. He said he called me which is bull hockey, caller ID on both home phone and cell. He called his mother who flew down from MD and took him back to MD with her. Which is where he is now.
He will be 11 this year, and has stated that he wants to live with me, and thinks he is being treated unfairly in his grandmothers house. ( his father lives there too)
his grandmother has a 3 bedroom home, that has 5 adults living there, my son, my ex other son every other weekend, school breaks.
Given our History, what do you think my chances would be in obtaining custody?
Again if you made it this far thank you.
This will be a bit long so thank you in advance for reading all the way through.
Just want to make sure i give all the information i can for the best response.
My ex and I were Married for 7 years (1 month shy of that)
In 1997 I had an affair, We attempted to reconcile, sought therapy, but our marriage could not be fixed for issues on both sides.
We had 3 children, 1993, 1995, and 1998.
In Nov. 1999, i went home for a visit, we thought we needed a break from one another, his idea/offer. I was to be gone for 1 week. Had a round trip ticket. The children, 1 was in First Grade, 1 in Preschool, and the other attended daycare, as I was active in their schooling, stayed behind with their father.
My ex left the airport and went to a lawyers office and filed abandonment. He had a very nasty lawyer, I didnt have one as I was a stay at home mom, with no income of my own. No way to raise the funds in the time needed, ( family was not ble to loan te money)
We were divorced Feb. 28, 2000. In the divorce decree, I was given "reasonable visitation with the children" and the entire 2 sentences read.. ' The defendent shall be entitled to have reasonable visitation with the children in AR. The defendent shall provide the plantiff with at least a two week notice on when she intends to excerise her visitation. now the underline portion The JUDGE crossed out what the attorney wanted, and it stood as i was to have reasonable visitation.
(the reason i didnt fight for custody, is he was a good father, and i had no means to support them. I didnt have a home to live in, a job, pretty much all i had was about a weeks worth of clothes. I did what i thought was best for my kids, not what i wanted)
Now, after the divorce was final and we were done hurting each other, we grew up and became civil to one another as we do have 3 children.
He called me in April, and said that he needed someone to watch the kids that he could trust as the live in Au Pair had left bruises on our Older childs arm. I left the same day on an airplane, within 3 hours of this call. ( Ex paid for the ticket)
oh just a bit of info, we were divorced in Ar, I was in MD, and in March ex and kids moved to LA
I moved in with him, we had seperate bedrooms, and proceeded to live together platonically for about 8 months, And we got along wonderfully, had in a sense became best friends. Also in this time i noticed that his drinking had gotten out of control. I called him on it, after he had been arrested 2 times the last was for discharging a firearm.
I moved out. Again the kids stayed with Ex, but i had liberal visitaion, as in they came to my house after school, ate dinner with me, only slept at dads house, and caught the bus.
Ex brought youngest to daycare, Which i picked up when i got off work.
Now this arrangement goes on for about a year.
In the summer of 2002 my ex brother( my sisters ex) and law and my neice move down from CA, and stay with my ex. The children, stay with my neice during the day. On a Friday, the children were staying at their dads, and he and ex brother in law, were drinking and were outside skipping rocks, not sure exactly what happened but to sum it up the hit a neighbors car, they called the police, and when the police arrived the 2 were pretty much 3 sheets to the wind, and decided to argue with the police and they both got arrested. My ex called me to come bail him out, which i did on monday.
Now they held Ex over on non payment of child support for a child he had prior to our marriage. They were going to extradite him back to MD. During this time the kids were living with me. And i got into a confortation with my ex MIL about the kids. My ex was worried that I was going to take custody from him. So his Mother, wanted to send his Sister who lied in MS to come get the kids. well that wasnt happening for reasons that dont need to be address in a public forumn. After 6.5 weeks, his mother took out a second mortage on her home, and paid the back support in full $12K to get him released, and avoid extradition.
my Ex only had communications with my ex MIL, as I had a collect block on my phone and he was only able to call me the one time. So his Mother was filling his head with BS that i was taking hte kids from him.
Which wasnt the case. I worked in a non profit that had laywers that worked in our office, and one of them drew up the papers I needed for emergent temp. Custody. Which the judge didnt sign becasue even though we all lived in LA for 2 years they Said AR still had jurisdiction, but it was good enough for me to make his mother think that is she or his sister showed up at my house they would both be arrested.
So when he got out he called me from a payphone demanding i have the children at his house by the time he gets there, got him calmed down enough on the phone, and i went to pick him up, And after he read the papers and say that it was just to keep his mother and sister from taking hte kids and NO WHERE in the papers was i seeking perm. custody. Things were fine. He was rentng a place and because of the arrest, lost the house.
He moved into my townhouse. He took the kids room downstairs, and we moved their bunkbeds to my room.
We both had sign. others, and the situation was working well for us again.
In Oct. 2002, while in my care, our eldest and youngest children died in a drowning accident. It was declared an accident.
My ex blamed me and took our middle child and went to his gf's. He refused to allow me to see him. And this time the tables had turned, he didnt have the money for an attorney, no place to live. I told him on the phone if he did not allow me to see our child, I would take him to court and with his background, there was no way in hell I would be refused.
I was able to see him on the weekends, In july 2003, my ex went on on a binger( after the boys died his drinking had gotten to the extreme) and left our son at day camp until after 9 pm, was supposed to picked up by 6 pm. Showed up drunker than cooter brown, but the attendent for what ever reasons allowed my ex to take him. ( he was in a cab)
In the morning, when she told her supervisor, her supervisor called OCS, they arrived at my ex's house around 11 am, and he was still sleeping/passed out and our son hadnt eaten, and was playing a video game. ( he was 8)
OCS told him that if he couldnt produce a relative that could take custody the weret aking him. He said he called me which is bull hockey, caller ID on both home phone and cell. He called his mother who flew down from MD and took him back to MD with her. Which is where he is now.
He will be 11 this year, and has stated that he wants to live with me, and thinks he is being treated unfairly in his grandmothers house. ( his father lives there too)
his grandmother has a 3 bedroom home, that has 5 adults living there, my son, my ex other son every other weekend, school breaks.
Given our History, what do you think my chances would be in obtaining custody?
Again if you made it this far thank you.
