curiouscat623
Member
What is the name of your state? PA
In Oct of last year my son (5 yrs) came to live with me. My daughter (3 yrs)continues to live with her mother. We were never married to each other. There has never been any kind of legal custody set up. Its been informal, where the children lived with her, until my son moved in with me, and began attending kindergarten in our school district. My daughter comes to our house every weekend, and my son goes to her house on the other weekend (so the kids are together every weekend). The mother was lead to believe that it was her idea that son move in with us, but it was really the culmination of a lot of plotting and psychology on my part. Even she couldn't deny that our son was better off living with my wife and I. She has bipolar disorder, and is on disability. We hope to get my daughter soon.
So just this week, their mother starts acting strangely. She announces that shes engaged, changes her phone number, and asks for our son to come and visit her for 2 extra days. (something that she NEVER EVER does, she typically picks him up as late as possible, and drops him off as early as possible on her weekends). Then she started complaining about child support, and making comments about me working, and her needing more money. (Her child support order was vacated, due to son coming to live with us, since she has 1 kid and we have 1 kid). So, I got scared and started thinking that she was just going to keep him, and not bring him back home (because she's desperate for money, and knows that if she gets our son back, I will have to pay support). Which she could legally do, since we have no formal legal custody. So I told her that if she wants to take our son for the weekend that she has to sign a paper stating that she will return him. She became extremely irate, and adamently refuses to do it. She has written 3 emails pleading for to see our son in one breath, and cursing me out in the next stating that she will never sign anything.
I feel bad because I don't want to keep our son from her, but I can't trust her.
A lawyer told us once that we shouldn't file for formal custody because if we filed, we would be the ones that would have to foot the bill for the investigators, court fees, etc..not to mention the lawyer's fee. And that its best to keep it the way that it is, since the end result would probably be the my son would spend more time with his mother then he does presently.
But now that the ball is rolling on this, I definitely can't send him to her house without some kind of written agreement, since she's feeling very threatened and perhaps even a bit desperate.
Again, I'm not trying to keep my son from his mother, I agree that it is in his best interests to spend time with her, and her family, yet I cannot risk her deciding to keep him and not sending him back home. She has a long history of lying. He's made a lot of progress since he's come to live here, behaviorally (he used to have horrible tantrums and emotional outbursts), physically (he was malnourished), and academically (he is at the top of his class now, whereas in her school district he was constantly getting into trouble).
If she goes down and files for custody she's going to have to foot a large portion of the fees. So I don't think that she'll do that. But if she doesn't sign something, not even a custody agreement form necessarily, but just something saying that she will bring him back home after the weekend, then I don't see how we can send him.
We plan to contact a lawyer this week, but I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of thing before, or if anyone can offer any advice.
I was planning on trying to get her to sign this form, but was wondering if it is legal, and if she could be held to it, if she didn't follow through on it:
Child Custody and Visitation Agreement
(“Custodial Parent”) shall have custody of ("Child"), and control and supervision of his upbringing, subject to the following:
1. ("Non-Custodial Parent") shall have the right to visit the Child every other weekend, on the following days, Friday through Sunday.
It is agreed that the Non-Custodial Parent will notify the Custodian on or before Thursday whether the Non-Custodial Parent intends to visit the Child and on which of the designated days and times. If the day or hour selected is inconvenient, the Custodian will notify the Non-Custodial Parent no later than Thursday, and the Non-Custodial Parent shall be permitted to visit the Child on an alternate day. If the Child has school or extracurricular activities which may interfere with the regularly scheduled visitation as it is expressed above, then an alternate, mutually agreed up, but equal time period for visitation will be arranged.
2. Due to the present immaturity of the Child, the Non-Custodial Parent shall not at the present time be entitled to take the Child away from the Custodian's home without permission for any period of time.
3. Neither party shall do anything which may estrange the Child from the other, physically or emotionally.
________________________________________ Date: ______________
Signature of Non-Custodial Parent
________________________________________
Non-Custodial Parent's Printed or Typed Name
________________________________________ Date: ______________
Signature of Custodian
________________________________________
Custodian's Printed or Typed Name
In Oct of last year my son (5 yrs) came to live with me. My daughter (3 yrs)continues to live with her mother. We were never married to each other. There has never been any kind of legal custody set up. Its been informal, where the children lived with her, until my son moved in with me, and began attending kindergarten in our school district. My daughter comes to our house every weekend, and my son goes to her house on the other weekend (so the kids are together every weekend). The mother was lead to believe that it was her idea that son move in with us, but it was really the culmination of a lot of plotting and psychology on my part. Even she couldn't deny that our son was better off living with my wife and I. She has bipolar disorder, and is on disability. We hope to get my daughter soon.
So just this week, their mother starts acting strangely. She announces that shes engaged, changes her phone number, and asks for our son to come and visit her for 2 extra days. (something that she NEVER EVER does, she typically picks him up as late as possible, and drops him off as early as possible on her weekends). Then she started complaining about child support, and making comments about me working, and her needing more money. (Her child support order was vacated, due to son coming to live with us, since she has 1 kid and we have 1 kid). So, I got scared and started thinking that she was just going to keep him, and not bring him back home (because she's desperate for money, and knows that if she gets our son back, I will have to pay support). Which she could legally do, since we have no formal legal custody. So I told her that if she wants to take our son for the weekend that she has to sign a paper stating that she will return him. She became extremely irate, and adamently refuses to do it. She has written 3 emails pleading for to see our son in one breath, and cursing me out in the next stating that she will never sign anything.
I feel bad because I don't want to keep our son from her, but I can't trust her.
A lawyer told us once that we shouldn't file for formal custody because if we filed, we would be the ones that would have to foot the bill for the investigators, court fees, etc..not to mention the lawyer's fee. And that its best to keep it the way that it is, since the end result would probably be the my son would spend more time with his mother then he does presently.
But now that the ball is rolling on this, I definitely can't send him to her house without some kind of written agreement, since she's feeling very threatened and perhaps even a bit desperate.
Again, I'm not trying to keep my son from his mother, I agree that it is in his best interests to spend time with her, and her family, yet I cannot risk her deciding to keep him and not sending him back home. She has a long history of lying. He's made a lot of progress since he's come to live here, behaviorally (he used to have horrible tantrums and emotional outbursts), physically (he was malnourished), and academically (he is at the top of his class now, whereas in her school district he was constantly getting into trouble).
If she goes down and files for custody she's going to have to foot a large portion of the fees. So I don't think that she'll do that. But if she doesn't sign something, not even a custody agreement form necessarily, but just something saying that she will bring him back home after the weekend, then I don't see how we can send him.
We plan to contact a lawyer this week, but I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced this kind of thing before, or if anyone can offer any advice.
I was planning on trying to get her to sign this form, but was wondering if it is legal, and if she could be held to it, if she didn't follow through on it:
Child Custody and Visitation Agreement
(“Custodial Parent”) shall have custody of ("Child"), and control and supervision of his upbringing, subject to the following:
1. ("Non-Custodial Parent") shall have the right to visit the Child every other weekend, on the following days, Friday through Sunday.
It is agreed that the Non-Custodial Parent will notify the Custodian on or before Thursday whether the Non-Custodial Parent intends to visit the Child and on which of the designated days and times. If the day or hour selected is inconvenient, the Custodian will notify the Non-Custodial Parent no later than Thursday, and the Non-Custodial Parent shall be permitted to visit the Child on an alternate day. If the Child has school or extracurricular activities which may interfere with the regularly scheduled visitation as it is expressed above, then an alternate, mutually agreed up, but equal time period for visitation will be arranged.
2. Due to the present immaturity of the Child, the Non-Custodial Parent shall not at the present time be entitled to take the Child away from the Custodian's home without permission for any period of time.
3. Neither party shall do anything which may estrange the Child from the other, physically or emotionally.
________________________________________ Date: ______________
Signature of Non-Custodial Parent
________________________________________
Non-Custodial Parent's Printed or Typed Name
________________________________________ Date: ______________
Signature of Custodian
________________________________________
Custodian's Printed or Typed Name
