Custody

[Murdock_719]

What is the name of your state? WV

Background: My husband had a baby when they (he and the mother) were young (17). The courts awarded custody to the mother and my husband didn't fight it, as they were not a "couple". Now the child is 10 years old, his mother has two other children (2 & 5) by her live-in boyfriend. My husband and I have no other children (but do plan to within 5 years). We pay child support and buy my stepson clothes, school supplies, etc...

My stepson has been saying for years that he wants to come live with us. We have told him that the court says he has to live with his mom. His mom's boyfriends child went to court a few years back and was custody was given to the grandfather. Now my stepson want's to go to court and live with us - in his eyes it is that easy.

We have no real reasons to "take" him and don't want to cause to much trouble as it will make his homelife more difficult. The only thing we have to go on is what he tells us (reasons he wants to live with us). These are a few of the things: his "stepdad" teaches his little brother and sister "inappropritate words and actions", his stepdad drinks all the time, he doesn't have time to study (he brought home all D's last semester) because he has to do all the chores in the house.

Other than that all we know is that his self esteem has really gone down over the past 3-5 years, he has gained 20 lbs this year and is pretty overweight. We are trying to find out if we can take him to a "counselor" who can testify if he would be better off with us? We cannot afford a lawyer (nor can the mother) but will be willing to file if we have a case, as we would love for him to live with us. In all we really just want him to be happy.

 

[tigger2two]

Your husband can put him in a counselor if he has any legal rights in the custody. By that i mean choosing doctors and so forth. The bad grades in school is a pretty serious thing in the courts eyes.

Has your husband tried just talking to his ex about this yet? sometimes, although not very often, its as easy as that.

 

[nextwife]

Do you live close enough that you could petition for joint physical custody? Then the child would get much more time in your home, but still would technically live with his mom as primary? Many children do very well alternating every two weekss between one and the other home. This would give him a chance to spend more time with his dad - as mom got to have him more when he was little. Kids need as chance to live with both their parents, not just have one be only a visitor.

I do know a woman who did have her boy live with his dad after age 12 for some years and she said it was just what he needed. He's now in college and doing great. She felt he did need dad's presence in his everyday life at a certain point, and Dad could be a figure she couldn't. She never regretted her decision and was very happy with the change it brought her son.