Custody?

[kamiflies]

My ex lives less than 100 miles away and doesn't see the children for months at a time. He does not call or write and only comes around for a birthday or christmas. There is a parenting plan in place, but he has never met any of the requirements of it. The parenting plan has been in place since late '96. He has been in trouble with the law quite a bit lately too. I reduced the child support to $25 per month per child ($50 total)and he won't pay it. In short, he has almost literally nothing to do with his children. The children are 9 and 8 now and I am going to remarry next month. The children really want my fiance to become their full-time father. He wants to adopt them, but my ex refuses to give up his rights. My ex is not a person my children will thrive with. Even if he does start to use his visitation, the fact is, the environment and lifestyle he chooses is extremely unsafe. Considering all these facts, I would like to find out if there is any way I can have my new husband adopt them. Can the court take away my ex's rights? I live in Washington State.

 

[LadyBlu]

My ex lives less than 100 miles away and doesn't see the children for months at a time. He does not call or write and only comes around for a birthday or christmas. There is a parenting plan in place, but he has never met any of the requirements of it. The parenting plan has been in place since late '96. He has been in trouble with the law quite a bit lately too. I reduced the child support to $25 per month per child ($50 total)and he won't pay it. In short, he has almost literally nothing to do with his children. The children are 9 and 8 now and I am going to remarry next month. The children really want my fiance to become their full-time father. He wants to adopt them, but my ex refuses to give up his rights. My ex is not a person my children will thrive with. Even if he does start to use his visitation, the fact is, the environment and lifestyle he chooses is extremely unsafe. Considering all these facts, I would like to find out if there is any way I can have my new husband adopt them. Can the court take away my ex's rights? I live in Washington State.

If the father refuses to give up his parental rights then no, the court cannot make him. He pays support and that is a major plus.. look at the many posts on these boards from people that are trying to find out how to get their exes to pay.
As for the visitation, you cannot force him to be a better parent. You deal with it. If the kids are happy and productive without him being in their daily lives, great...let him see them the one or two times a year he finds time in his busy schedule to play daddy and dont worry about the technicality of them not *being* their step fathers natural children.

 

[Grandma B]

Lady,
Read again--he is not paying child support. Course, doesn't make all that much difference at $50 per month

 

[LadyBlu]

Lady,
Read again--he is not paying child support. Course, doesn't make all that much difference at $50 per month

Oops, sorry about that, I missed it.. but yet again, if the father is not paying he needs to be held in contempt.. The courts still do not go around making fathers/mothers give up their parental rights. If the father would agree to it then yes. Seeing as he wont she can use that(child support) as leverage. Also, she can go back to court and request a higher amount based on percentage of his income. That may change his mind about it also.

 

[K Lyons]

Adoption by your new husband

In 1991, my husband at that time did in fact adopt my 4 year old child without his consent. To this day he has full custody, and has accept all rights ot her. Due to the fact that the courts found him to be an unfit parent, and the fact that he had no contact with the child for one year, no child support, no cards, no phone calls. So depending on your situation and the state in which you live in yes your new husband can adopt your children.

Signed: A concern mother

 

[K Lyons]

revised adoption by your new husband

"By his consent" the biological father......he even had his own attorney, but the courts still found in the best interest of my child that my new husband in fact be granted the adoption....

 

[LadyBlu]

Re: revised adoption by your new husband

"By his consent" the biological father......he even had his own attorney, but the courts still found in the best interest of my child that my new husband in fact be granted the adoption....

The difference here is that she has stated the father sends Christmas and Birthday.. and also there are no allegations of being unfit, unless you want to include the fact that he doesnt pay the $50.00 a month in support he is supposed to pay.. if that is the case there are alot of men in the US that would willingly give up all rights to their children just to get out of paying support..

 

[K Lyons]

one year

Has the father had any contact with the children within a year time? You need to document any and all letters, (save the envelopes, with the post mark), phone calls-in which if you decide to go to court your attorney will ask proof from him to show phone bills, and even though his phone bill shows a 1 min charge that is not acceptable, it has to be longer than 1 min, because we all know that once you picked up your receiver or if your answering machine p/u you are charged at least 1 min. (considering that it is a long distant call) So it has to be longer than a 1 min charge. It will proof to the courts that he held a conversation with your children. Also the courts will look at his life style, at the time of my court proceedings my ex was also in a lot of trouble with the law, lived under a bridge, moved around a lot, so there was no stability. My advise to you is to find an attorney, and seek legal advise in person. Tell your whole story and let the attorney decide whether or not you have a case....good luck

signed a concerned mother

 

[kamiflies]

Custody

Thank you for all the responses. I definately am going to contact an attorney about this. My ex was here in June for 1 hour at my daughter's birthday party. Before that it was Christmas. He only came to his mother's house with his Grandparents because they made him. He hasn't called or sent letters or gifts EVER. I can document some very dangerous situations he has put both me and the children in. For instance, he once left a loaded gun laying around and my (at that time) 18 month old daughter brought it to me! Another example is when he placed our one month old son in a Jolly Jumper and laid on the couch and went to sleep. I came home and my son had fallen asleep in the jumper and the bar across the front of it had cut off the circulation in his neck. He was purple and his lips were blue. Thank God my son was revived and there does not seem to have been any damage done. My ex-husbands response to my screaming was "Why are you screaming at me? He's fine" My ex has progressively gotten worse the last few years and now is showing signs of being involved with some sort of malitia group. He is facing jail time and probation for a drug charge; has tear gas in his flashlight; carries a gun, multiple knives, brass knuckles, etc. He has no stable address because he is afraid the "government will find" him, so he stays at friend's houses till they throw him out, then he goes to another friend. There is SO much more... Anyway, I am not posting this to bash him. I just wanted people to understand that I am not some selfish, mean lady that just wants to hurt her ex. I truely have given every effort to make it possible for my children to see their father. I have never even had a phone number to call him. He cleary does not have any interest.

 

[K Lyons]

courts would have to be crazy.....

It would be a sad day in court if the courts would not favor your request. Go for it... The only thing he can do is contest your request. At that time there would be a hearing, in which both sides pleades their case. If that happens, take note of everything he is wearing, ..watches, jewelry, clothing. The car he came to court in, basically your lawyer will (should) also take note of all that, because if he has the money to buy all that than he should have no problem paying is child support, or buying the children cards, presents, calling them, etc... What do you have to lose...him? Sounds like he has been the one losing out... What do you have to gain? If the man you are about to marry is willing to accept your children as his own, than both of you will gain. And your children will gain a "daddy" that loves them, and respect their every need. Any (most) man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a "Daddy"......I say go for it, and good luck.
It was the best thing I ever did for my daughter....and for myself and for her new dad....
signed a concerned mother