N
ndea25
Guest
I live in New York. I have a 4 year old daughter. My ex and I were never married but he is listed on the birth certificate and I have paternity papers signed by him. I have questions about child support and custody. This is long (sorry).
He is ordered to pay $50 each a week for child support for my daughter and another child (he had with someone else 4 months before my daughter was born). The other girl is on welfare so she gets her support from the state and he has to reimburse them. However, whether or not he pays them, she gets it. I, on the other hand, work a full time job (40 hours a week and some overtime) and I get nothing. Last year, the court began garnishing his pay. I was to get $150 a week (since he was in arrears). I received only 5 checks and not one was for the correct amount. Of course, I was told by the Child Support Enforcement Bureau that there was nothing I could do about that because it was something even if it was only $10. Anyway, turns out, my ex quit his job, most likely so he wouldn't have to pay, and now I hear he is working off the books. It took me 6 months of going down to the CSEB to get a court date the last time. Every time I went, it seemed my petition for violation hadn't been filed even though I was told that it would be - they had told me 8-10 weeks, then 4 weeks, then 2 days. They are of no help and some of the people there could be quite rude. In fact, the last time I went, the man asked me why I kept coming down there. My response was because they weren't doing their jobs. Now, I have to take off of work to go down and do this and to go to court. Every time we have a court date, my ex is late. Last time, he didn't come until after I saw the judge by myself (we had already waited for 2 hours) and she found him to be in willful violation. Of course, now I have to start all over again because that means nothing to him. So, I have 2 questions regarding this issue. Shouldn't his driver's license be suspended since he doesn't pay the court-ordered child support and was found in willful violation? I know for a fact that his license is still valid and I thought there was a law about this. Also, if we go to court next time and I ask for incarceration, what could happen? If he is incarcerated, does that mean he won't have to pay all of the back child support? Someone told me that his bail would be what he owes me and if he was to be bailed out, I would receive that money. I can't afford a lawyer right now and I really hate relying on the CSEB.
Okay, next.... Custody was never established. Like I said, he is on the birth certificate and she has his last name. I want to go to court for sole custody but there are a couple of things I need to know before I go. My daughter will start school next year so I'm worried about this. My ex has never really been there for my daughter even when we were together. By this, I mean, never changed a diaper, made a bottle or fed her, nothing. When he would be at my house, the only attention she would get from him would be if a commercial came on television otherwise forget it. One day, I called him up to tell him that my daughter wasn't breathing right (asthma-like symptoms - she was 2 months old). I thought maybe he would like to go to the doctor with us or, at least, show an interest in her health but instead he told me he had to go bowling and to call him later. Yet, he went to the doctor with his son all the time. Also, I found out that he told someone that she wasn't his daughter but his cousin's daughter. He also has a long history of not doing what he says he's going to. By this, I mean he would call and tell me he was coming over at a certain time on a certain day and not only not show but not call either. The lengths of time that he wouldn't call varied. Sometimes it would be a few days, then it would turn into a week, then a month. When he would call, he would act like nothing happened. Now, that time has turned into years. (Most of this has happened since I ended our relationship but I have never denied him visitation even though it wasn't court ordered and I wasn't receiving support). I don't have an address or a phone number for him. He once gave me a number for his job but every time I called, he wasn't there. Also, he gave me a number where he was staying but it was conveniently disconnected the next day. (The calling I did was to check if he was giving me a legit number - obviously he wasn't). He knows where I live and my phone number. Nothing has changed and even if he forgot, I am listed in the phone book. I managed to find him last year and was able to get $175 from him but only because I drove an hour to get it. I also brought my daughter so they couls see each other (she was 2 1/2 and pretty mature for her age). I had explained to her that we were going to see her father and she was noticeably nervous about it. She said a few words to him but she was scared. She wouldn't give him a hug or a kiss or even slap him five. Actually, she didn't want him to touch her at all which is understandable. She had been taught about strangers and, even though he is her father, he was still a stranger to her. I was not going to force her to hug him and all of that because I don't think that's right. I did bring her to see him and I didn't have to do that much. He tried to act all hurt but I didn't feel bad for him and I told him that he did it to himself and if he would just come around more, she would get used to him. Well, that was the last time we saw him. He not only makes no effort to come see her but he also doesn't make an effort to have ANY contact with her. No phone calls (she is old enough to sit on the phone and have actual conversations - she does it with my father all of the time), no cards or gifts for birthdays or holidays, nothing. Now, the question... That one time that I brought her to see him (and any contact) was over a year ago and that one time was once in a 2 1/2 year time span. Is this considered abandonment? Can I use this in court? I would not mind if he terminated his parental rights. In fact, I think it might be better for all concerned. He had said that he wanted to be involved in her life (I gave him the choice to stay or go because it was unplanned) but that all changed when I ended the relationship. I know that I will be looked on favorably by the judge because I have a stable homelife and a stable job. I am not involved with anyone else at this time. I rarely date amd when I do, I do not bring anyone around my daughter. Most of my free time is spent with my daughter. I provide all care and necessities. She stays with my mother when I am at work. My father and brother have been more of a father to her then he ever has been. I do not say bad things about him to her. The few times she asked where he was, I told her the truth which is I have no idea. He does not have a stable home life or job. I think he might be working "off the books" now and last I heard, he was living with friends who were being investigated by CPS for burns their 6 month old received down one whole side of his body. I also recently found out that he has a long criminal history as do many of his friends. (I know - a real winner...I wish I would've found out sooner but that's a dead issue).
I'm sorry that this was so long. This custody thing is really stressing me out and I am trying to save up money for a lawyer for this but until then, any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated.
He is ordered to pay $50 each a week for child support for my daughter and another child (he had with someone else 4 months before my daughter was born). The other girl is on welfare so she gets her support from the state and he has to reimburse them. However, whether or not he pays them, she gets it. I, on the other hand, work a full time job (40 hours a week and some overtime) and I get nothing. Last year, the court began garnishing his pay. I was to get $150 a week (since he was in arrears). I received only 5 checks and not one was for the correct amount. Of course, I was told by the Child Support Enforcement Bureau that there was nothing I could do about that because it was something even if it was only $10. Anyway, turns out, my ex quit his job, most likely so he wouldn't have to pay, and now I hear he is working off the books. It took me 6 months of going down to the CSEB to get a court date the last time. Every time I went, it seemed my petition for violation hadn't been filed even though I was told that it would be - they had told me 8-10 weeks, then 4 weeks, then 2 days. They are of no help and some of the people there could be quite rude. In fact, the last time I went, the man asked me why I kept coming down there. My response was because they weren't doing their jobs. Now, I have to take off of work to go down and do this and to go to court. Every time we have a court date, my ex is late. Last time, he didn't come until after I saw the judge by myself (we had already waited for 2 hours) and she found him to be in willful violation. Of course, now I have to start all over again because that means nothing to him. So, I have 2 questions regarding this issue. Shouldn't his driver's license be suspended since he doesn't pay the court-ordered child support and was found in willful violation? I know for a fact that his license is still valid and I thought there was a law about this. Also, if we go to court next time and I ask for incarceration, what could happen? If he is incarcerated, does that mean he won't have to pay all of the back child support? Someone told me that his bail would be what he owes me and if he was to be bailed out, I would receive that money. I can't afford a lawyer right now and I really hate relying on the CSEB.
Okay, next.... Custody was never established. Like I said, he is on the birth certificate and she has his last name. I want to go to court for sole custody but there are a couple of things I need to know before I go. My daughter will start school next year so I'm worried about this. My ex has never really been there for my daughter even when we were together. By this, I mean, never changed a diaper, made a bottle or fed her, nothing. When he would be at my house, the only attention she would get from him would be if a commercial came on television otherwise forget it. One day, I called him up to tell him that my daughter wasn't breathing right (asthma-like symptoms - she was 2 months old). I thought maybe he would like to go to the doctor with us or, at least, show an interest in her health but instead he told me he had to go bowling and to call him later. Yet, he went to the doctor with his son all the time. Also, I found out that he told someone that she wasn't his daughter but his cousin's daughter. He also has a long history of not doing what he says he's going to. By this, I mean he would call and tell me he was coming over at a certain time on a certain day and not only not show but not call either. The lengths of time that he wouldn't call varied. Sometimes it would be a few days, then it would turn into a week, then a month. When he would call, he would act like nothing happened. Now, that time has turned into years. (Most of this has happened since I ended our relationship but I have never denied him visitation even though it wasn't court ordered and I wasn't receiving support). I don't have an address or a phone number for him. He once gave me a number for his job but every time I called, he wasn't there. Also, he gave me a number where he was staying but it was conveniently disconnected the next day. (The calling I did was to check if he was giving me a legit number - obviously he wasn't). He knows where I live and my phone number. Nothing has changed and even if he forgot, I am listed in the phone book. I managed to find him last year and was able to get $175 from him but only because I drove an hour to get it. I also brought my daughter so they couls see each other (she was 2 1/2 and pretty mature for her age). I had explained to her that we were going to see her father and she was noticeably nervous about it. She said a few words to him but she was scared. She wouldn't give him a hug or a kiss or even slap him five. Actually, she didn't want him to touch her at all which is understandable. She had been taught about strangers and, even though he is her father, he was still a stranger to her. I was not going to force her to hug him and all of that because I don't think that's right. I did bring her to see him and I didn't have to do that much. He tried to act all hurt but I didn't feel bad for him and I told him that he did it to himself and if he would just come around more, she would get used to him. Well, that was the last time we saw him. He not only makes no effort to come see her but he also doesn't make an effort to have ANY contact with her. No phone calls (she is old enough to sit on the phone and have actual conversations - she does it with my father all of the time), no cards or gifts for birthdays or holidays, nothing. Now, the question... That one time that I brought her to see him (and any contact) was over a year ago and that one time was once in a 2 1/2 year time span. Is this considered abandonment? Can I use this in court? I would not mind if he terminated his parental rights. In fact, I think it might be better for all concerned. He had said that he wanted to be involved in her life (I gave him the choice to stay or go because it was unplanned) but that all changed when I ended the relationship. I know that I will be looked on favorably by the judge because I have a stable homelife and a stable job. I am not involved with anyone else at this time. I rarely date amd when I do, I do not bring anyone around my daughter. Most of my free time is spent with my daughter. I provide all care and necessities. She stays with my mother when I am at work. My father and brother have been more of a father to her then he ever has been. I do not say bad things about him to her. The few times she asked where he was, I told her the truth which is I have no idea. He does not have a stable home life or job. I think he might be working "off the books" now and last I heard, he was living with friends who were being investigated by CPS for burns their 6 month old received down one whole side of his body. I also recently found out that he has a long criminal history as do many of his friends. (I know - a real winner...I wish I would've found out sooner but that's a dead issue).
I'm sorry that this was so long. This custody thing is really stressing me out and I am trying to save up money for a lawyer for this but until then, any advice anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated.