dad fighting for custody with no lawyer, help

[1redhead]

What is the name of your state? CA

PLease help, we are stressed. We origonally went to court 3 years ago, child was 5 years old, dad--my husband--didnt want to take child from her mother, so they got joint legal with primary physical to mom.


The mother hasnt obeyed the orders for 3 years, with exception of visitation, she actually does that, some lies to switch things her way, but usually okay. We now are going to court to show the Judge the things she has done, she married a rich guy few months ago and has gotton a lawyer, we cant afford one. The lawyer filed to have the court date changed to end of OCt, we filed in June and the date in LA was sent for ths monday, the 12th. We were told when we called the court that we can file an ex parte hearing and still show up on monday.

The mother never returns our calls, over 3 weeks since talked to our daugter, she never forwards report cards, or any school notices, court ordered, never sent medical card, no info on medical doctor or anything medical ever related to her. She has told our daughter that her dad is a monster and the new husband has said he is bum and other things in front of her, we finally after years of fighting the school--got the school records and she lied about all my hubbys phone numbers and didnt even put his name on some of the emergency cards. She wrote in the papers to school to not give out any info without her notice and that she has physical custody for a reason.

Any ideas on what to do?

We hope our records are proof enough and the Judge sees her ways. She never showed up for modification, she never completed the court ordered PACT program. She even threatened to kill me many years ago over the phone, I have a police report on it. Such drama, pray this is a good Judge, the courts are so biased towrds mothers (

My hubby is such a good dad, I told him, dads can get custody, just be honest, keep records and dont fall into her trapps to piss him off.
Thanks

 

[snostar]

He should file contempt for each and every violation of the order. There really needs to be a change of circumstance in order for the court to change custody. File the ex parte and show up Monday, it can't hurt.

 

[casa]

What is the name of your state? CA

PLease help, we are stressed. We origonally went to court 3 years ago, child was 5 years old, dad--my husband--didnt want to take child from her mother, so they got joint legal with primary physical to mom.


The mother hasnt obeyed the orders for 3 years, with exception of visitation, she actually does that, some lies to switch things her way, but usually okay. We now are going to court to show the Judge the things she has done, she married a rich guy few months ago and has gotton a lawyer, we cant afford one. The lawyer filed to have the court date changed to end of OCt, we filed in June and the date in LA was sent for ths monday, the 12th. We were told when we called the court that we can file an ex parte hearing and still show up on monday.

The mother never returns our calls, over 3 weeks since talked to our daugter, she never forwards report cards, or any school notices, court ordered, never sent medical card, no info on medical doctor or anything medical ever related to her. She has told our daughter that her dad is a monster and the new husband has said he is bum and other things in front of her, we finally after years of fighting the school--got the school records and she lied about all my hubbys phone numbers and didnt even put his name on some of the emergency cards. She wrote in the papers to school to not give out any info without her notice and that she has physical custody for a reason.

Any ideas on what to do?

We hope our records are proof enough and the Judge sees her ways. She never showed up for modification, she never completed the court ordered PACT program. She even threatened to kill me many years ago over the phone, I have a police report on it. Such drama, pray this is a good Judge, the courts are so biased towrds mothers (

My hubby is such a good dad, I told him, dads can get custody, just be honest, keep records and dont fall into her trapps to piss him off.
Thanks

That Mom married a rich guy is totally irrelevant.

If Mom denies court ordered visitation- file a police report and then take it to court to file contempt.

Dad has access to child's medical and school records- whether he is a custodial parent or not. That is Federal Law. www.deltabravo.net has excellent letters ready to print which usually work fine when requesting records.

What is Dad filing for? The things you've mentioned, though irritating, aren't enough for a change of circumstance in CA- which is what he'd need to change custody.

 

[1redhead]

dad fighting for custody, more info, change of custody

CA
What do we need to prove to change custody?
What is concidered change of circumstances?

The mom has changed her school 3 times in 4 years without our notification (joint legal custody)
Daughter has failed all school years K-2, notes on records state she cryes in class, no homework turned in, tardy absent a lot. Mother refuses to bring her to school when we show up for open house. Mother lies to the school, the courts and the court clerk. The mother has recently moved closer to where we live, before it was 3 hours away, which Judge said is why we cant have joint physical custody--too far away, now she lives 45 minutes away. We were hoping to ask for her to attend school here with us, our kids attend a charter school, where we could even have joint custody--1 week with us and 1 week with mom.
I have heard in CA that they will take a child away and change custody if there is parent alienation, which she is doing.

I think we should fight for full custody based on our records, her alienation and contempt of court, child suffering in school, no attention needeed to succeed. WE talked to the clerk of the court and she said to file ex parte hearing, but couldnt tell us what papers to print out and file.
I dont know what to do?
But joint custody 50/50 would be our second choice.
Thanks

 

[betterthanher]

CA
What do we need to prove to change custody?
What is concidered change of circumstances?

The mom has changed her school 3 times in 4 years without our notification (joint legal custody)
Daughter has failed all school years K-2, notes on records state she cryes in class, no homework turned in, tardy absent a lot. Mother refuses to bring her to school when we show up for open house. Mother lies to the school, the courts and the court clerk. The mother has recently moved closer to where we live, before it was 3 hours away, which Judge said is why we cant have joint physical custody--too far away, now she lives 45 minutes away. We were hoping to ask for her to attend school here with us, our kids attend a charter school, where we could even have joint custody--1 week with us and 1 week with mom.
I have heard in CA that they will take a child away and change custody if there is parent alienation, which she is doing.

I think we should fight for full custody based on our records, her alienation and contempt of court, child suffering in school, no attention needeed to succeed. WE talked to the clerk of the court and she said to file ex parte hearing, but couldnt tell us what papers to print out and file.
I dont know what to do?
But joint custody 50/50 would be our second choice.
Thanks

If she is violating ANY part of the court order, then, as instructed, file for contempt. A simple call to the court (clerk of courts) should help you.

If she is closer, then file for joint physical custody. Have you talked to any of the school teachers/counselors about the child's performance? There is nothing mandatory about attending open houses, but it would be seriously frowned upon by the Judge given the performance of the child.

Can you prove that she has lied to the court and in court records? If so, then do something about it!!! Again, call the clerk of courts and ask them (keep in mind, they can't give you legal advice, just assistance in what paperwork to fill out).

The link to www.deltabravo.net is an excellent resource. Look up some shared parenting plans and submit that to the court as well (if you decide to file for joint physical/shared parenting). Have you even consulted a lawyer. Because you don't have one is probably the reason why you're being trounced on. You're letting it happen.

 

[casa]

CA
What do we need to prove to change custody?
What is concidered change of circumstances?

The mom has changed her school 3 times in 4 years without our notification (joint legal custody)
Daughter has failed all school years K-2, notes on records state she cryes in class, no homework turned in, tardy absent a lot. Mother refuses to bring her to school when we show up for open house. Mother lies to the school, the courts and the court clerk. The mother has recently moved closer to where we live, before it was 3 hours away, which Judge said is why we cant have joint physical custody--too far away, now she lives 45 minutes away. We were hoping to ask for her to attend school here with us, our kids attend a charter school, where we could even have joint custody--1 week with us and 1 week with mom.
I have heard in CA that they will take a child away and change custody if there is parent alienation, which she is doing.

I think we should fight for full custody based on our records, her alienation and contempt of court, child suffering in school, no attention needeed to succeed. WE talked to the clerk of the court and she said to file ex parte hearing, but couldnt tell us what papers to print out and file.
I dont know what to do?
But joint custody 50/50 would be our second choice.
Thanks

OK you left the most relevant parts out of your first post

Get copies of the school records ASAP. If the child is continuing to fail, has excessive tardies and absences- those ARE reasons to change custody. So is the fact that she is now living much closer to you.

In CA there are Law Facilitator's offices in most courts - go online to court site and check out the hours. Show up and get help with the paperwork.

CA Family Law Code is viewable online~ Do a search for "Change of Circumstance" and you will see what the court's consider in changing custody.

 

[Zephyr]

and if you can't stop saying "our daughter" and "we have joint custody" etc, then don't go to court with dad. If I were the bio mom that kind exclusionary language would tick me off. and most judges aren't fond of it either.

 

[stealth2]

And it's likely DAD that needs to request those school records.

 

[1redhead]

reply, thanks for info

CA

I know she isnt my daughter and dont go about it like that, just how I typed it.

Anyone know the law about recording. I think in CA it states if both partys are infprmed. We record her and we say it during the conversation to let her know.

We have her school records allready.
She has event hreatened to kill me and my kids, we dont have it recorded , but I did get a police report, and it was from 2000, before we even started court.

We will look into change of circumstances.

we were thinking about requesting a evaluation/assesment for custody, and/or a lawyer for the child. There is lot if things within the courts that we can do, that we dont really know about. We want to request and file all we can, everything on Monday. Court dates in LA take somestimes 2-3 months to get. We want to get it all started now. We didnt know event o file contempt.

And there is no way we could afford a lawyer, we are researching over the internet and have talked a few times to legal aide.

Thanks for the help.

 

[casa]

CA

I know she isnt my daughter and dont go about it like that, just how I typed it.

Anyone know the law about recording. I think in CA it states if both partys are infprmed. We record her and we say it during the conversation to let her know.

We have her school records allready.
She has event hreatened to kill me and my kids, we dont have it recorded , but I did get a police report, and it was from 2000, before we even started court.

We will look into change of circumstances.

we were thinking about requesting a evaluation/assesment for custody, and/or a lawyer for the child. There is lot if things within the courts that we can do, that we dont really know about. We want to request and file all we can, everything on Monday. Court dates in LA take somestimes 2-3 months to get. We want to get it all started now. We didnt know event o file contempt.

And there is no way we could afford a lawyer, we are researching over the internet and have talked a few times to legal aide.

Thanks for the help.

Wrong. CA law is not to 'inform' both parties~ it is to get 'consent' from both parties. ie; She has to agree to be recorded, not just told. Understand the difference or you could wind up in some very hot water.

CA courts have Law Facilitator's offices. They can direct you what paperwork to file. CA Family Law codes are online, so you can read and become familiar with them.

The 2000 police report may help~ but that is somewhat stale as it was 5 years ago...the court may want proof the mother is still harassing/threatening to you. Since you do not have a restraining order that will be an obstacle.

The school records showing excessive absences/tardies and failing grades are the strongest part of Dad's case. Tell Dad to get those ASAP and file copies with the court.

 

[1redhead]

recording phone calls/clerks of the court

Isnt consent given if the other person is told and stays on the line. Just like when I as a consumer call a company or they call me, it states theat this call will be recorded, they didnt ask if I consented to it, I staye don the line knowing that I would be recorded--consent assumed.

Also, I have called the clerks of the court and they arent allowed to tell me any info at all, not even what paperwork I need to file, she kept saying we cant tell you anything, sorry.

Legal aid up here told me a little bit, but different counties do procedures differently, and LA is not very helpful.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

Isnt consent given if the other person is told and stays on the line. Just like when I as a consumer call a company or they call me, it states theat this call will be recorded, they didnt ask if I consented to it, I staye don the line knowing that I would be recorded--consent assumed.

Also, I have called the clerks of the court and they arent allowed to tell me any info at all, not even what paperwork I need to file, she kept saying we cant tell you anything, sorry.

Legal aid up here told me a little bit, but different counties do procedures differently, and LA is not very helpful.

The ONLY reason I'm commenting on this thread is because of the recording issue.

First, California is a two-party state. what that means LEGALLY is that CONSENT must be given by ALL parties to a conversation.

There is no such thing as 'assummed consent'. there IS implied consent. Such a case would be if she calls and you say "We record ALL of our calls". If she continues on the line then from that point on you can record all of her calls, regardless of whether or not you 'inform' her at a later date.

By staying on the line after notification that you record "ALL" calls, she has been notified and staying on the line after the fact is legally 'implied consent'.

If, at any time, either now or in the future, she tells you something to the affect "I don't want you recording me" then you MUST, by law, stop recording at that moment. However, all calls recorded from the date and time of 'notice' to that point are perfectly legal.

the exception is if she is calling on a cell phone. In that case, federal law supercedes.

NOW, can we stop talking about this issue?

 

[1redhead]

what to file in LA county, no help from clerk

we are going to court this monday and filing contemp for all the things the mother has not abided by and filing ex parte hearing for change of custody and evaluation of custody. I am hoping we are filing all we need to file and we have the right paperwork. We just want to let the Judge know the things she has been doing, the parent alientaion and not abiding by the orders for the last 3 years. We also want to ask that a impartial assesment or evaluation be done to see where is a better place for the child to live.

And I put in previous post-her marrying a rich guy is because it does effect our child support case that we are also dealing with. Just the custody case is more important now and we need to make sure we get all the paperwork done right and things correct.

We will be bringing copies of all her school records, state testing, police reports, documentation of calls never returned report cards never sent, phone records.

Thanks for the advice and help. And to the person who seemed so upset about the recording converstaion issue, I didnt know it had been talked about before and is a big part of our case and trying to deal with the other party. Thanks for the info.