Dad grills kids about mom's new beau

[skmom]

Ohio- Currently my ex and I have shared custody of children.
The last two parenting times he had with the children, he asked several questions to my daughter about my new boyfriend. According to my daughter, he would ask questions, and then accuse her of lying if she did not give him the answer he expected.
These questions have made her very uncomfortable to the point where she does not want to go back (she is 7).
I know I need to point this out to her father so that future visits are not so tense for her. But I know he will keep grilling her.
Assuming he does keep grilling her even after I ask him not to, what can I do?

On top of this, he now wants to take advantage of his full parenting time (3days per week 3 times per week), he was just seeing them once a week due to work. So now the kids have to adjust going back to his house for full visitaton and listen to him rant about a new boyfriend.

 

[CourtClerk]

Ohio- Currently my ex and I have shared custody of children.
The last two parenting times he had with the children, he asked several questions to my daughter about my new boyfriend. According to my daughter, he would ask questions, and then accuse her of lying if she did not give him the answer he expected.
These questions have made her very uncomfortable to the point where she does not want to go back (she is 7).
I know I need to point this out to her father so that future visits are not so tense for her. But I know he will keep grilling her.
Assuming he does keep grilling her even after I ask him not to, what can I do?

How about call him and say: "heard you've got some questions about my boyfriend.... what are they?"

On top of this, he now wants to take advantage of his full parenting time (3days per week 3 times per week), he was just seeing them once a week due to work. So now the kids have to adjust going back to his house for full visitaton and listen to him rant about a new boyfriend.

Very good for dad and the children that he is finally using all of the time that is afforded to him. That is a blessing.

 

[Silverplum]

Ohio- Currently my ex and I have shared custody of children.
The last two parenting times he had with the children, he asked several questions to my daughter about my new boyfriend. According to my daughter, he would ask questions, and then accuse her of lying if she did not give him the answer he expected.
These questions have made her very uncomfortable to the point where she does not want to go back (she is 7).
I know I need to point this out to her father so that future visits are not so tense for her. But I know he will keep grilling her.
Assuming he does keep grilling her even after I ask him not to, what can I do?

Nothing.
You could try coparenting. Call him up. Talk with him. Meet him for coffee. Discuss the issue like coparents. Like grownups.

On top of this, he now wants to take advantage of his full parenting time (3days per week 3 times per week), he was just seeing them once a week due to work. So now the kids have to adjust going back to his house for full visitaton and listen to him rant about a new boyfriend.

His time, his choice.

 

[xylene]

Nothing.
You could try coparenting. Call him up. Talk with him. Meet him for coffee. Discuss the issue like coparents. Like grownups.

You could listen to this priggish and condescending advice (and despite that I suspect it is true) and allow your EX husband to have a say in your sex life by manipulating your kids.

Or you could talk to your lawyer to identify if dad's conduct is something that is legally actionable or just something you and kiddo must bear.

 

[Ohiogal]

You could listen to this priggish and condescending advice (and despite that I suspect it is true) and allow your EX husband to have a say in your sex life by manipulating your kids.

Or you could talk to your lawyer to identify if dad's conduct is something that is legally actionable or just something you and kiddo must bear.

No one stated that he gets a say in her sex life. What was stated was that she could approach it like an adult and have a conversation with her ex. What is stopping her from actually having a conversation with her ex and allowing her ex to get to know her current?

 

[xylene]

What is stopping her from actually having a conversation with her ex and allowing her ex to get to know her current?

I'll be blunt. That is kind of ridiculous pseudo-advice for any poster who is coming in with her ex interrogating a daughter in for details on mom's private life and catching her in and emotionally punishing her for imaginary "lies" if he doesn't like what he hears.

That is controlling and creepy on dad's part and is not something mom needs to work out with 'co-parenting' over coffee in the best of scenarios (which this divorce isn't). And this grilling over mom's business IS bad for the child - even if it were not taking an obvious emotional toll on the child. This asking about mom's new mate is dad's own psycho-jealousy - an issue that dad has an obligation to if not resolve, control, or at east visibly contain from them when he has charge of the children.

SP might as well advise "well it is all your fault for not having an amicable divorce." It may be true - but it isn't original poster-centric guidance.

Given that this particular poster has issue with domestic stuff with her ex... it is really just non-advice

 

[Silverplum]

Tell ya what. I'll keep telling people to attempt coparenting instead of running to court every time they have a dispute.

You tell them whatever you want.

I'll be blunt. That is kind of ridiculous pseudo-advice for any poster who is coming in with her ex interrogating a daughter in her late teens for details on mom's private life and catching her in and emotionally punishing her for imaginary "lies" if he doesn't like what he hears.

That is controlling and creepy on dad's part and is not something mom needs to work out with 'co-parenting' over coffee in the best of scenarios (which this divorce isn't). And this grilling over mom's business IS bad for the child - even if it were not taking an obvious emotional toll on the teen. This asking about mom's new mate is dad's own psycho-jealousy - an issue that dad has an obligation to if not resolve, control, or at east visibly contain from them when he has charge of the children.

SP might as well advise "well it is all your fault for not having an amicable divorce." It may be true - but it isn't original poster-center guidance.

Given that this particular poster has issue with domestic stuff with her ex... it is really just non-advice