dad visits when he wants

[onmytime]

What is the name of your state? AZ

Things are getting messier and messier between my ex and I. Where we use to get along we have regressed to communicating by email and very little be phone.

Anyway, my child's father is complaining to his atty that I don't let him see our son. Totally not true! All of a sudden he has called to get him 2x's in the same month (it's getting close to our court date, that may have something to do with it). Fact of the matter is my child's father has been sporadic with his visitation. Often times only seeing our child once a month. On two occassions we waited for him to show on a day we agreed on and he never came. I have an older daughter and feel this is unfair to her as well to sit while her brother's father doesn't show or not make plans.

I decided that I was going to continue my life and plan my weekends as I always have. For the next two weekends I have scheduled participation in Easter egg hunts and church activities. My ex called me and wanted our child on on 3/27. I told him that our family had plans. He then asked about 3/20. The church is having an Easter egg hunt & fun day and we have been planning to go for over a month. My oldest daughter has especially been looking forward to this and helping her brother find eggs, decorate cookies & baskets. I explained to him if he would like, April 2 would be a good day. I don't have a problem giving up 3/20 but if he doesn't show we would have missed the hunt for the little ones and that will really piss me off (it is an early morning event).


My ex is attempting to make me look as if I am with holding our child from him but in fact I am tired of working on his time. I have been more than accomodating even cancelling prior engagements to make sure he could visit. I don't feel my daughter should be disappointed if we already had plans and I look forward to our plans as well. We don't go to court until the beginning of April to get visitation worked out. I just don't think it is fair that he can call & demand days and I should drop my plans when I have tried to work out a parenting plan with him and he refuses. I do plan something to do every weekend because I have children and like to get out. However, I am more than willing to forego my plans if he were consistent.

My concern is will the court take in consideration that he is not consistent with visitation or visits when it is convenient for him? Or will they hold my plans against me? What do the courts look at when deciding custody & visitation?

Oh and I have even offered to meet him after the Easter egg hunt but he wants 9-6 all day. He is being unreasonable

 

[mrsbrown]

What days does your order say he gets visitation?

 

[onmytime]

What days does your order say he gets visitation?

We haven't gone to court yet. We don't go until April. But I just so unnerved by all of this I need to know if I doing the right thing. I feel I'm doing what's best for my family but I don't want my son not to see his father. But at the same time I feel my ex should be respectful of our time and make plans ahead of time. What does a judge look for and what should and should I not being doing until we go to court?

 

[LdiJ]

We haven't gone to court yet. We don't go until April. But I just so unnerved by all of this I need to know if I doing the right thing. I feel I'm doing what's best for my family but I don't want my son not to see his father. But at the same time I feel my ex should be respectful of our time and make plans ahead of time. What does a judge look for and what should and should I not being doing until we go to court?

If there are no visitation orders then you aren't violating anything and the court can't punish you for violating anything. However, its does sound like your ex has made some effort to plan in advance, at least for the 27th....although it also sounds like you have made some efforts to accomodate him even if its not the exact hours he wants....its also not to his advantage that he was a no-show on dates you DID arrange.

The end result is going to be that the judge will order a specific schedule, and you will have to honor that schedule.

 

[Jillian483]

Are you in maricopa county? If so what is the judges name? If he has not proved that he is the father and you are allowing him visitation then you are being generous. Why doesn't he go to the easter egg hunt with the children? If you have attempted to allow him visitation and he has failed to show then it would be best to tell him that he can come to the church events if he so wishes but you will not change your weekend plans around (especially on a holiday) when he waited until a week before to ask you. If he vrings it up in court explain to the judge that you felt that since he has failed to show on previous occasion then you did not want to risk hurting your children by cancelling an even that has been planned for a month for them.

 

[Inquiry123]

There is no Easter Bunny...

OT:

If you are seeking primary residential / visitation, you DO NOT want the court to get the impression that you are already restricting dad. I know he's inconsistent, inconsiderate, etc., etc. You want the court to see YOU bending over backwards to accomodate the situation.

You'll have plenty of time to put the screws to dad once the Final Order is in place...start too soon and you just might get screwed. You already know that he's complaining...they're keeping count, kid.

Is dad active in church? Could he attend the activity, too? If not, this weekend might be a perfect time for the Bunny to come to your house.

Do yourself a favor -- keep a smile on your face for a couple months regardless of how big of a dippity-do he is. Extend an olive branch. Keep the emails flowing with your attempts to get dad and the kids together. Remember, everything you're writing is probably going to wind-up in the judges hands. The judge wants to see how BIG you are, not hear from you how LITTLE you feel dad is.

After the order is in place, just follow it. Plan your weekends. Don't plan on dad's weekends. After a year of dad dropping-out of sight, the court will look at "reasonable" efforts on your part...THEN you can start making more exclusive plans.

 

[onmytime]

Are you in maricopa county? If so what is the judges name? If he has not proved that he is the father and you are allowing him visitation then you are being generous. Why doesn't he go to the easter egg hunt with the children? If you have attempted to allow him visitation and he has failed to show then it would be best to tell him that he can come to the church events if he so wishes but you will not change your weekend plans around (especially on a holiday) when he waited until a week before to ask you. If he vrings it up in court explain to the judge that you felt that since he has failed to show on previous occasion then you did not want to risk hurting your children by cancelling an even that has been planned for a month for them.

I am in Maricopa county and the jude is GRANT. Do you have experience with the judges in Maricopa county?

 

[Jillian483]

I am in Maricopa county and the jude is GRANT. Do you have experience with the judges in Maricopa county?

I have experiences with A LOT of the judges in Maricopa county. Just look at the court info....

Filing Date Description Docket Date Filing Party
2/7/2005 UPI - UPDATED INFO ADDRESS/NAME 2/10/2005 Respondent
11/22/2004 256 - ME: IV-D Hearing 11/22/2004
9/15/2004 919 - ME: Hrg Set Object ES Report 9/15/2004
8/20/2004 005 - ME: Hearing 8/20/2004
7/28/2004 RRM - RETURNED & RE-MAILED MAIL 8/10/2004
7/14/2004 919 - ME: Hrg Set Object ES Report 7/14/2004
6/18/2004 OBJ - Objection/Opposition. 6/22/2004 Respondent
NOTE: TO EXPEDITED SERVICES REPORT RECOMMENDATION AND ORDER REGARDING MODIFICATION OF CHILD SUPPORT
6/2/2004 CEI - Current Employer Information 6/15/2004
6/2/2004 OOA - Order of Assignment 7/26/2004
5/27/2004 ORD - Order 6/21/2004
NOTE: RE: EXPEDITED SERVICES STIPULATION OF THE PARTIES
5/27/2004 267 - ME: Expedited Services Report/Recommendation/Order 6/9/2004
5/18/2004 AFI - Affidavit of Financial Information 5/19/2004 Respondent
4/28/2004 Eap - Exp Serv Agreement Of Parties 5/6/2004
4/23/2004 083 - ME: Conference Reset/Cont 4/23/2004
4/22/2004 268 - ME: Expedited Services Conference Scheduled 4/22/2004
4/22/2004 279 - ME: Hearing Set Regarding Modification 4/22/2004
4/8/2004 268 - ME: Expedited Services Conference Scheduled 4/8/2004
3/19/2004 AFS - Affidavit of Service 3/29/2004
NOTE: SERVED 3/15/04
3/8/2004 EOA - Expedited Order to Appear 4/9/2004 Respondent
3/8/2004 PRS - PRAECIPE SIMP MOD CHILD SUPPOR 4/9/2004 Respondent
3/8/2004 EVS - Expedited Req to Enforce Visit 4/9/2004 Respondent
3/8/2004 ASA - AFF SUPP APP DEF/WAV SERV FEES 4/9/2004 Respondent
3/8/2004 ADW - Application Waiver/Deferral 4/9/2004 Respondent
3/8/2004 ODF - ORDER DEFERRING COURT FEES 4/9/2004
2/3/2004 NWA - NOTICE WITHDRAWAL OF ATTORNEY 4/12/2004
11/5/2003 019 - ME: Ruling 11/5/2003
10/7/2003 NAR - Notice Of Appearance 10/10/2003
10/7/2003 WSH - Worksheet 10/29/2003
NOTE: TRIAL/HEARING
10/3/2003 AFI - Affidavit of Financial Information 10/20/2003 Respondent
10/2/2003 STA - Statement 10/20/2003
NOTE: SEPARATE PRETRIAL CONFERENCE
10/2/2003 NOF - NOTICE OF FILING 10/20/2003
NOTE: PORTION OF THE JOINT PRETRIAL STATEMENT AND LIST OF WITNESS AND EXHIBITS
9/19/2003 LOW - List of Witnesses/Exh/Evidence 9/26/2003
9/11/2003 SDO - ORDER-SEALED DOCUMENTS 9/22/2003
NOTE: EARLY POST DECREE CONFERENCE REPORT COMPLETED 8/22/03
9/4/2003 RTM - Returned Mail 9/12/2003
8/8/2003 056 - ME: Hearing Set 8/8/2003
8/7/2003 AFI - Affidavit of Financial Information 8/13/2003 Respondent
7/24/2003 AOA - Administrative Order of Assign 7/30/2003
7/1/2003 AFS - Affidavit of Service 7/14/2003
NOTE: SERVED 06/30/2003
6/30/2003 ORD - Order 7/7/2003
NOTE: RE PETITION FOR ORDER TO SHOW CAUSE RE MODIFICATION OF CUSTODY/CHILD SUPPORT/PARENTING TIME AND REQUEST FOR RELOCATION AND ENFORCEMENT OF CHILD SUPPORT
6/19/2003 AFI - Affidavit of Financial Information 6/30/2003
6/19/2003 MCH - Petition to Modify Child Custody - OSC 6/30/2003
8/15/2002 PTT - PETITION 9/9/2002 Petitioner
NOTE: TO RELOCATE CHILDREN OUT OF STATE OF ARIZONA
6/27/2002 RAC - REQUEST/CHANGE OF ADDRESS/NAME 7/26/2002
8/29/2001 RAC - REQUEST/CHANGE OF ADDRESS/NAME 9/18/2001
8/29/2001 RAC - REQUEST/CHANGE OF ADDRESS/NAME 9/18/2001
7/5/2001 NWA - NOTICE WITHDRAWAL OF ATTORNEY 7/20/2001 Petitioner
6/21/2001 CEI - Current Employer Information 7/9/2001
6/15/2001 OOA - Order of Assignment 7/9/2001 Petitioner
6/12/2001 8:52:00 AM DDI - Decree of Dissolution 6/12/2001 8:52:00 AM
NOTE: Posted during iCIS Conversion
4/18/2001 012 - ME: Trial 4/20/2001
4/17/2001 EXW - Exhibits Work Sheet 4/26/2001
4/16/2001 LOW - List of Witnesses/Exh/Evidence 4/30/2001 Petitioner
1/9/2001 ORD - Order 1/18/2001 Respondent
NOTE: WITHDRAWAL OF COUNSEL
12/1/2000 MOT - Motion 12/19/2000 Respondent
NOTE: TO WITHDRAW AS ATTORNEY
10/23/2000 STA - Statement 11/13/2000 Respondent
NOTE: JOINT PRETRIAL
9/26/2000 004 - ME: Hearing Continued 9/27/2000
9/25/2000 089 - ME: Trial Setting 9/26/2000
9/18/2000 MEM - Memorandum 9/28/2000
7/26/2000 STA - Statement 8/3/2000 Respondent
NOTE: SEPARATE PRETRIAL
6/23/2000 PCC - PARENTAL CONFLICT RESOLUT CERT 6/27/2000 Petitioner
NOTE: PET ATTENDED
5/19/2000 OAC - OrderTo Attend DCM Conference 5/19/2000
5/19/2000 LOW - List of Witnesses/Exh/Evidence 6/2/2000 Respondent
5/18/2000 MEM - Memorandum 5/26/2000
5/18/2000 219 - ME: SUCCESSFUL MEDIATION 5/19/2000
5/18/2000 ARM - Agreement Reached in Mediation 5/26/2000
5/18/2000 JCP - Joint Custody Plan 5/26/2000
4/25/2000 LOW - List of Witnesses/Exh/Evidence 5/8/2000 Petitioner
3/29/2000 NAR - Notice Of Appearance 3/31/2000 Petitioner
3/28/2000 005 - ME: Hearing 4/21/2000
3/28/2000 ACS - Acceptance of Service 4/5/2000
3/28/2000 OPR - ORDER OF PROTECTION 4/5/2000
3/20/2000 AFS - Affidavit of Service 3/22/2000
NOTE: SERVED 03/18/2000
3/20/2000 AFS - Affidavit of Service 3/25/2000 Respondent
NOTE: SERVED 03/18/2000
3/16/2000 PPR - PRAECIPE FOR ORDER PROTECTION 3/17/2000
3/16/2000 POP - PETITION/ORDER OF PROTECTION 3/20/2000 Respondent
3/2/2000 005 - ME: Hearing 3/7/2000
3/1/2000 AAS - Affidavit of Attempted Service 3/8/2000
2/24/2000 PEC - PARENT EDUCATION CERTIFICATE 3/7/2000 Petitioner
2/17/2000 OSC - Order to Show Cause 3/2/2000 Respondent
NOTE: RE TEMPORARY ORDERS
2/17/2000 ORD - Order 3/2/2000
NOTE: SETTING HEARING RE ORDER OF PROTECTION FOR 02/29/00
2/17/2000 RQH - REQUEST FOR HEARING 3/2/2000
NOTE: RE ORDER OF PROTECTION
2/10/2000 ANS - Answer 2/14/2000 Respondent
2/10/2000 PSC - Petition for Order to Show Cause 2/23/2000 Respondent
NOTE: RE TEMPORARY ORDERS
2/10/2000 AFI - Affidavit of Financial Information 2/23/2000
NOTE: OF P2
2/2/2000 AFS - Affidavit of Service 2/3/2000
NOTE: SERVED 01212000
1/24/2000 AFS - Affidavit of Service 1/27/2000
NOTE: SERVED 01212000
1/20/2000 PIN - Preliminary Injunction 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 NCH - Notice to Convert Health Ins 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 COM - Complaint/Petition 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 SUM - Summons 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 AFI - Affidavit of Financial Information 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 OWC - ORDER WAIVING COURT COSTS 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 APD - Application WAIVER/DEFFERRAL 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 APD - Application WAIVER/DEFFERRAL 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 ODF - ORDER DEFERRING COURT FEES 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 ASA - AFF SUPP APP DEF/WAV SERV FEES 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 ASA - AFF SUPP APP DEF/WAV SERV FEES 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 PTO - PETITION TEMP ORDERS 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 OPR - ORDER OF PROTECTION 1/27/2000
1/20/2000 POP - PETITION/ORDER OF PROTECTION 1/27/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 PPR - PRAECIPE FOR ORDER PROTECTION 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 RRR - REQ RESTRICT RELEASE ADDRESS 1/26/2000 Petitioner
1/20/2000 ONA - ORD & NOTICE ATTEND PARENT INF 1/26/2000 Petitioner


Ha ha yeah so needless to say we have been to court a lot.

 

[onmytime]

OT:

If you are seeking primary residential / visitation, you DO NOT want the court to get the impression that you are already restricting dad. I know he's inconsistent, inconsiderate, etc., etc. You want the court to see YOU bending over backwards to accomodate the situation.

You'll have plenty of time to put the screws to dad once the Final Order is in place...start too soon and you just might get screwed. You already know that he's complaining...they're keeping count, kid.

Is dad active in church? Could he attend the activity, too? If not, this weekend might be a perfect time for the Bunny to come to your house.

Do yourself a favor -- keep a smile on your face for a couple months regardless of how big of a dippity-do he is. Extend an olive branch. Keep the emails flowing with your attempts to get dad and the kids together. Remember, everything you're writing is probably going to wind-up in the judges hands. The judge wants to see how BIG you are, not hear from you how LITTLE you feel dad is.

After the order is in place, just follow it. Plan your weekends. Don't plan on dad's weekends. After a year of dad dropping-out of sight, the court will look at "reasonable" efforts on your part...THEN you can start making more exclusive plans.

Dad is Muslim. That is another fiasco. He is now claiming he is Christian and I know it is just to spite me so he can get Christmas & Easter because he knows that those are important family holidays for me. He grew up a Christian and when he turned 18 became a Muslim and has been practicing for over 10 years. He changed his name and the whole bit. He did attend church with me twice over 3 years ago. But that doesn't mean his a Christian. So going to the Easter egg/ church thing is not an option. I understand what you are saying about keeping a smile on my fact but believe me it is hard when I have a 12 yr with a frown on hers because we are waiting on him to show. To add to the visitation he would often visit at night and never on the weekend. I would ask him "Who are you here to see because our child is in bed".

 

[Inquiry123]

Go Suns!

OT:

You will get a FAIR shake from Grant. As you can see from the previous post, Maricopa county judges hear about all of this kind of BS every day. Day in, day out. They've heard it ALL.

They can see through most all of the baloney. And they generally give the party more full of baloney enough rope to hang themselves.

Your husband has an attorney. Do you? You need one.

Now that I know I'm driving the same freeways as Jillian, I'll be looking for my own att'y. Personal Injury.

 

[onmytime]

OT:

You will get a FAIR shake from Grant. As you can see from the previous post, Maricopa county judges hear about all of this kind of BS every day. Day in, day out. They've heard it ALL.

They can see through most all of the baloney. And they generally give the party more full of baloney enough rope to hang themselves.

Your husband has an attorney. Do you? You need one.

Now that I know I'm driving the same freeways as Jillian, I'll be looking for my own att'y. Personal Injury.

Yes I have an atty. I guess I'm just kind of nervous because my ex is trying to paint a picture that I'm being uncooperative. I'm just tired of his silly ways. I have tried to work with him. So being that you have so much experience what are the courts looking for. What information do I need to give my attorney and will make a difference? What has been your experience? Do my ex's and my email correspondence really make a difference? I have been told so many things like no of that matters to tell your atty everything.

 

[Inquiry123]

Too soon to tell...is this gonna be nice or a fight?

An att'y should be aware of everything. Nobody likes to get blind-sided with information that could have been useful LAST WEEK.

However, an att'y is not a support group. Too expensive to hear all the whaa-whaa everytime we get worried. Don't need to call after every email. It's going to be alright...don't get an ulcer.

Your husband will get enough rope. He'll get a very fair visitation schedule. You might even think it's too much. Regardless if he's currently visiting regularly or not.

About all that stuff not mattering, to some extent that's correct. Divorcing parents ARGUE...that might even be one reason they're divorcing. It's normal. So all of the "he said, she said" doesn't carry too much weight if you even get to a hearing. The judge's ruling isn't influenced by most of the drama.

Although, when one party is arguing that they should be the primary residential parent because they would be more likely to maintain the status quo or would be more likely to involve the other parent -- any evidence to the contrary is not good. So, stay positive...and give more than you think you should. Let your ex paint a picture. Keep working with him. Get busy documenting that you're doing everything possible. Not just stories...keep a journal.

I'm glad that you have a lawyer...I'll sleep better tonight.

 

[onmytime]

Thank you for the advice.