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Dad Wants Custody

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fighting_dad_PA

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

I used to live in CA, where my 10 year old son and his mom live. My job relocated me to PA almost 2 years ago. I don't know what info you need, so please excuse my noob-iness. :p

My ex-gf has always tried to limit the time with my son. In CA, I had him 3 days during the week, and he would alternate spending the night on Friday or Saturday nights, and I would have him half the day on Sunday. The mom works as a waitress, so she works 5-10pm. So I would pick my son up from school, help him with his homework, feed him dinner, and take him to his grandparents' house right before bed. She currently works 3 nights per week from 5-10pm, and a double shift on Sunday so my son is at his grandparents' house most of the week anyway. He spends the night at his grandparents' house more often than his own house most of the time.

Once I moved to PA, according to my phone records, I can only get a hold of my son 11% of the time. She said she "gives him the messages" but every time I talk to my son he says he never gets messages that I called. Last Christmas, my ex refused to talk to me or email me, which resulted in the first Xmas my son had without me around. Then she got a lawyer, who sends me letters that says the holidays are more important to her because she also has a new baby with her new husband (we were never married). So since she has two kids and I only have one, the holidays are more important to her. After the missed Xmas visit, she used the excuse that she wanted a custody order in writing before my son could visit, to "ensure his safety." Although she has no reason to think I wouldn't return him. She did let him visit for the summer of '07 and the visit went very smoothly. However, I flew out to CA to pick him up, and his maternal grandmother flew out here to PA to fly him back home. That is the only visit she has allowed me since I moved.

This summer, my ex used the excuse that due to 9/11 and how unsafe flying is, she would never let our son fly as an unaccompanied minor, so if I can't fly out to pick him up and fly back with him to drop him off, that he cannot visit. Our order only calls for "reasonable visitation" and "reasonable phone contact." And now she is refusing this Christmas' visit as well. The court Mediator told her that she was being unreasonable, due to the high cost of plane tickets for me to escort him. She still refuses to be flexible.

My lawyer is filing papers next week for custody, based on the fact that I can only get a hold of him 11% of the time, and she keeps refusing visitation since she won't let him fly alone. I have also been keeping a journal of the conversations I have with my son, but I'm afraid it won't be believable, due to the fact that recently, my son has been making remarks such as, "Mom and Tony have been drinking much more than usual" and, "I want to come live with you, dad, but I don't want to hurt mom's feelings." I think that might look like I made those statements up, since it's just my word against hers. I have read MANY sites that have said refusing visitation is enough to change custody, and visitation interference is enough to change custody.

On a final note, she has not taken our son to the dentist for almost two years. The last time she did, he had 9 cavities. I have old emails where she threatened me that I better not take him to the dentist, because she "wanted to be the one in control of his decisions." Is not taking him to the dentist in 2 years a big deal? Is that considered medical neglect?

Any thoughts of my chances for winning custody would be much appreciated. Please be nice to this noob. If you need any other info, please let me know. :)
 
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fighting_dad_PA

Junior Member
So if I file for custody, with the repeated visitation refusals and refusal to communicate with me and not letting me talk to my son on the phone, all they will do is make the order more strict? :(
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
So if I file for custody, with the repeated visitation refusals and refusal to communicate with me and not letting me talk to my son on the phone, all they will do is make the order more strict? :(
Prove that she is not letting you talk to your son. PROVE that she has refused visitation that you are granted due to court order. Oh yeah you are not granted specific visitation. PROVE that she has done something against the court order. You need solid proof.
 

Humusluvr

Senior Member
Prove that she is not letting you talk to your son. PROVE that she has refused visitation that you are granted due to court order. Oh yeah you are not granted specific visitation. PROVE that she has done something against the court order. You need solid proof.
I would file for a very specific long distance visitation plan, and then file for contempt each time she violates it. Then file for a change in custody.

PROVING things is often a lot more difficult than people think. It takes a lot of records, police reports, phone records, and effort.
 

JETX

Senior Member
My lawyer is filing papers next week for custody, based on the fact that I can only get a hold of him 11% of the time, and she keeps refusing visitation since she won't let him fly alone. I have also been keeping a journal of the conversations I have with my son,
Since you already have an attorney, who appears to be taking the appropriate steps and is far more experienced with your case than we could ever be, what do you want from the forum??

Any thoughts of my chances for winning custody would be much appreciated.
Gee.... how about go to court, present your evidence and hope for a ruling in your favor?
Oh, and I forgot to say.... YOUR feelings have nothing to do with this. The ONLY consideration is what is best for the child!!
 

fighting_dad_PA

Junior Member
Because my attorney makes me a little uncomfortable. Last year when I first retained him, he told me that I didn't need any witnesses for the trial, because custody cases are only he said/she said. Then I told him I wanted to file for custody, and he said that fathers never win, so why waste everyone's time. I don't have money for another attorney, so I was asking advice on here because I read the forums and I know you guys really know what you're talking about. :D
 

Humusluvr

Senior Member
Since you already have an attorney, who appears to be taking the appropriate steps and is far more experienced with your case than we could ever be, what do you want from the forum??


Gee.... how about go to court, present your evidence and hope for a ruling in your favor?
Oh, and I forgot to say.... YOUR feelings have nothing to do with this. The ONLY consideration is what is best for the child!!
With all due respect, I give him credit for coming here and trying to research options.

We've all seen what happens when someone gets a shoddy attorney. Or even a good attorney. Attorneys don't know EVERYTHING (except OG).
 

Humusluvr

Senior Member
Because my attorney makes me a little uncomfortable. Last year when I first retained him, he told me that I didn't need any witnesses for the trial, because custody cases are only he said/she said. Then I told him I wanted to file for custody, and he said that fathers never win, so why waste everyone's time. I don't have money for another attorney, so I was asking advice on here because I read the forums and I know you guys really know what you're talking about. :D
see what OP posted whilst I was typing???
 

fighting_dad_PA

Junior Member
Regarding the question about the dentist...I found a similar case online where the mother had not taken the child to the dentist in quite some time, and the father lost because they said no material change of circumstances had occured. However, upon appeal, the father won because they stated,

"We are unable to perceive of a more serious change in circumstances than the inability of a parent to properly care for a child. Moreover, it is clear that Joshua’s physical and mental health are being compromised by the Appellee’s neglect of parental responsibilities. In this regard, we believe there has been a material change in circumstances sufficient to justify a change in the present custody arrangement."

In your opinion, is not taking a child to the dentist, not even for routine cleanings AND not to mention that they are on Cal-Optima (which means it would be $5 copay for any services), for two years, neglect of parental responsibilities?
 

fighting_dad_PA

Junior Member
Oh, and my last post just reminded me. Are you allowed to reference other past cases similar to yours during a custody hearing, such as the one I referenced in my last post? Is that allowed? And would it help? I have found a good bit of cases with situations similar to mine where the dad was awarded custody. I was wondering if you are allowed to submit other case rulings as evidence or an exhibit? :confused:
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Oh, and my last post just reminded me. Are you allowed to reference other past cases similar to yours during a custody hearing, such as the one I referenced in my last post? Is that allowed? And would it help? I have found a good bit of cases with situations similar to mine where the dad was awarded custody. I was wondering if you are allowed to submit other case rulings as evidence or an exhibit? :confused:
You are allowed to cite case law that is relevant. In your case, that would be CA case law.

However, honestly dad, I can't see you winning a custody case at this point. She hasn't violated the visitation orders because they are not specific, and I can't see a judge changing custody just because a child hasn't been to the dentist in two years.

Your biggest problem, though is the fact that you have moved to PA. A custody change is always disruptive to a child, therefore the judge has to weigh the benefit of the change against the negative of the disruption. In this case, a judge would have to believe that things were so bad at mom's, that disrupting the child's primary bond (the bond with his mother, his current, primary caretaker) was needed to protect the child's best interest. I can't see that happening with the scenario you have described.

What I can see happening is you getting an enforceable visitation schedule, and perhaps the judge ordering that the child can fly as an unaccompanied minor.
 

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