Daddenieds Case-Update/other thread closed

[daddenied]

What is the name of your state? CA

Hello Miss Met.

I don't know what to feel...It's me DD today. I got a call from my attorney this morning and am feeling stressed. The hearing yesterday was supposed to be the contempt hearing that was continued to yesterday so that the courts could hear all issues at the same time. This was per the judge on Mar. 21st who said she could not fairly hear the contempt case without the visitation case because it went hand in hand. I and my attorney agreed and I was happy. Last week we found out that the visitation hearing was set for Aug. 1st..I think my GF already emailed you about this. We called the attorney office who said they were notified on last week by the courts that the visitation could not be moved to Apr. 25th as the judge from the contempt hearing requested and it was now Aug. 1st. My attorney told me not to come as all he was going to do was ask for a continuance so the matters could be heard together. I told him that I knew I couldn't have the courts move the date up any sooner, but that I was frustrated that I was now back to square one and Aug. 1st will be a whole year and a month since the July 1st hearing last year when that judge said 24 weeks of therapeutic supervised visitation for me and the boys was unreasonable and too long for us so ordered 12 weeks immediately than we would be able to have regular visitation after completion and mediation...of course you know that NEVER happened since my ex did everything to keep them away, and continued through the rest of the year. Remember? I had to take her back to court on Sept. 14th to ask the judge to force her to bring them to the therapist I found who would see us on Saturdays which they did and of course she violated that order. NOW, my attorney says this morning that he and her attorney, a public defender compromised when he asked for a continuance to Aug. 1st. He stated the only reason the compromise came up was BECAUSE he was asking that it was not fair that I had to wait 3 more months to go to court and try to get visitation again with my children. The compromise was that I am so lucky to get to see them once a month (in May, June, and July on a Saturday that SHE chooses of course becuase she knows their busy schedules) and at CYS, the place she insisted on last year (I know she has friends there) but could not accomodate therapeutic supervised visits. My attorney said she insisted on ther. sup. visits again, but her attorney said no, supervised visits were what CYS CAN do on Saturdays and that was what they agreed on until Aug. 1st. Problems for me...I get only 2 hours each of those visits and pay $30 a hour, out of my pocket. She chooses the Saturdays with no regard to my schedule. All boys don';t have to come, she has to TRY to get them all there at the same time. I cannot hug my children or touch them on these visits but I should feel glad to have 3 visits before Aug. 1st court date.

I asked my attorney what would happen if she didn't bring the kids? He said, "well there's a court order." I said "Theres always been a court order". I guess he meant there's a court order and I have an attorney who isn't going to abandon me. Don't get me wrong...I am VERY happy to see the boys, but still not sure how to feel about this whole thing. I was prayerful and got this attorney who I really feel good about, especially because my GF's uncle is family law superior court judge in another state and he said that due to my color(black) and my ex's color (white) that in the Fresno court system I will see very little REAL justice and that my attorney is doing the best he can do with how he knows the courts react up in Fresno...whatever that means. My attorney said if she violates again, we can file contempt again or add that she pay attorney fees. Of course, if you ask me she should be paying for the visits, my gas to go up there AND the attorney fees...my attorney said the judge would not hear that at this time, stating I must cover expenses if I want to see my children.

Now, I am told that I must immediately make an appt for an orientation with CYS in fresno, go up there during the week for a few hours, fax over the orientation completion form to my attorney who will get to my ex, who then has to schedule a Sat. for me to come up and give me 2 weeks notice, but the first visit must be in May. I take my comps exam this Saturday, in Vegas for wedding on Sunday and Monday and have missed so much work I fear the loss of my job coming. So, I am going to see if I can get a day off next week and go up there to get this done. In the meantime I am getting in touch with my sons' coaches to get their REAL schedules because I know my ex will be a B.... and lie again just like last year, send them out of state to their grandparents for 2 weeks in July and just make up that they are busy to keep them away from me. I already know that my oldest son is free every Saturday in June and July. The youngest is not in any sports this year and the other 2 I will see if I can get help from their coaches. BUT...she still gets to choose the weekend.

I gotta go. Either my GF or I will check this later and update you on what we think we will do. I want to believe this attorney is doing the best he can and hope I am right. Thanks!

 

[daddenied]

Small update...

Hi Miss Met and everyone else.

It's DD's GF. DD called CYS last night and made an appointment to see them next Thursday. We'll be driving to Fresno that afternoon and his ex supposedly has to schedule a supervised visit at CYS no later than Sat. 5/20 and it must be done before the end of May. Again, we have no idea how this all happened as if it were last year when we first went to court. But, DD feels like he has no other options but to trust that this attorney knows what he is doing. We were a bit bothered thought because when DD called his attorney again to ask WHO would be responsible to pay for the visits, he said, "you are to pay...it would behoove you to pay so you can see your children. It was a condition to allow you to see them before the Aug. 1st hearing". That really bothered us, especially because I was thinking "what kind of deal is that?! DD's EX should've had conditions (i.e. pay for the visits since he paid for ALL visits she did not attend that were court ordered last year). The conditions should have been on his ex, not on him. Since SHE violated the court orders, the condition to keep her behind out of jail or whatever cost response placed upon her is for her to pay for these visits!" I was ticked. BUT...we decided not to harp on it and do as he was advised. I hope this works. He misses his children so badly. We'll update you after next week.

Thanks!

 

[casa]

Hi Miss Met and everyone else.

It's DD's GF. DD called CYS last night and made an appointment to see them next Thursday. We'll be driving to Fresno that afternoon and his ex supposedly has to schedule a supervised visit at CYS no later than Sat. 5/20 and it must be done before the end of May. Again, we have no idea how this all happened as if it were last year when we first went to court. But, DD feels like he has no other options but to trust that this attorney knows what he is doing. We were a bit bothered thought because when DD called his attorney again to ask WHO would be responsible to pay for the visits, he said, "you are to pay...it would behoove you to pay so you can see your children. It was a condition to allow you to see them before the Aug. 1st hearing". That really bothered us, especially because I was thinking "what kind of deal is that?! DD's EX should've had conditions (i.e. pay for the visits since he paid for ALL visits she did not attend that were court ordered last year). The conditions should have been on his ex, not on him. Since SHE violated the court orders, the condition to keep her behind out of jail or whatever cost response placed upon her is for her to pay for these visits!" I was ticked. BUT...we decided not to harp on it and do as he was advised. I hope this works. He misses his children so badly. We'll update you after next week.

Thanks!

Once the contempt issue is being heard~ DD's attorney will be able to ask that Mom reimburse for any visits DD paid for but Mom didn't show for.

It does benefit DD to pay (not fair I know)...as it just continues to show his dedication to being in his children's lives.

I'll be saying a prayer for you all.

 

[daddenied]

Thank you.

Once the contempt issue is being heard~ DD's attorney will be able to ask that Mom reimburse for any visits DD paid for but Mom didn't show for.

It does benefit DD to pay (not fair I know)...as it just continues to show his dedication to being in his children's lives.

I'll be saying a prayer for you all.

Thank you Casa. Prayer and faith is all we seem to have any more. DD said he guesses if we were to have only two things, these aren't so bad to have.

 

[daddenied]

update and question...

Just wanted to give you and update. Things have not changed re: CYS. We are still going up Thursday and apparently visitation will be on May 20th granted DD's ex will not violate the order. The attorney states that his ex will be held in contempt if she does not furnish the kids on May 20th. But, our question is...hasn't she been in contempt already? DD thinks that now since we have this attorney he likes a lot, it will be different if we are forced to file another contempt motion. But, if it came to that, will we have to file another contempt motion or could our attorney just add this to the list of other violations that was continued to Aug. 1st. Oh, one more thing, DD got a copy of the proposed order that his attorney sent him. It was a copy that was sent to his ex's attorney to be signed and there was one thing that bothered both of us. The sentence states: The mother shall be responsible to drop the children off and facilitate, to the maximum extent possible the visitation between the father and children. The word facilitate really throws us off, because we know she will use it against DD. CYS' rules for supervised visitation states the other parent cannot be present or even so many yards within the facility, but we think his ex will use that word to get CYS to allow her to sit in on visitations and run it the way she wants it to be. Should we be worried? DD called attorney and he said not to worry, it didn't mean that and it was for his benefit. Just wondering what any of you think. Thanks!

 

[rmet4nzkx]

Just wanted to give you and update. Things have not changed re: CYS. We are still going up Thursday and apparently visitation will be on May 20th granted DD's ex will not violate the order. The attorney states that his ex will be held in contempt if she does not furnish the kids on May 20th. But, our question is...hasn't she been in contempt already? DD thinks that now since we have this attorney he likes a lot, it will be different if we are forced to file another contempt motion. But, if it came to that, will we have to file another contempt motion or could our attorney just add this to the list of other violations that was continued to Aug. 1st. Oh, one more thing, DD got a copy of the proposed order that his attorney sent him. It was a copy that was sent to his ex's attorney to be signed and there was one thing that bothered both of us. The sentence states: The mother shall be responsible to drop the children off and facilitate, to the maximum extent possible the visitation between the father and children. The word facilitate really throws us off, because we know she will use it against DD. CYS' rules for supervised visitation states the other parent cannot be present or even so many yards within the facility, but we think his ex will use that word to get CYS to allow her to sit in on visitations and run it the way she wants it to be. Should we be worried? DD called attorney and he said not to worry, it didn't mean that and it was for his benefit. Just wondering what any of you think. Thanks!

It doesn't mean facilitate as in being present, it means not doing anything to undermine or interfere with the visitation e.g. being in contempt.

I would hope that any additional contempt was added to the charges to be heard in August but the court may chose to hear additional charges separately due to time or move the whole thing out again. Even though DD may get to see his children, it is at great cost in many ways. Doing so on mom's terms rather than following the court order may severely undermine his compt case in Aug because they will rebutt with, see, if he had done what she wanted all along thenthe contempt wouldn't have happened (making it his fault) and the contempt will be dismissed and since the attorney hasn't challenged the mediator under the local rules or requested any of the steps to or an EC 730 evaluation, or petitioning the court to appoint a GAL, mom will continue to prevail.

Did his attorney discuss any of these agreements with him prior to making them, that is why he should have been there. I have reservations about DD's attorney because it sounds like he is bending over backwards to accommodate mom rather than vigerously representing DD. especially with all the evidence. Also, I am concerned that the mediator wasn't challenged for bias as allowed in the local rules, these kids will be adults before he has any visitation and by then their minds will be poisoned against him. That is my personal and professional assessment of the situation based on what facts I have had access to.

 

[casa]

Just wanted to give you and update. Things have not changed re: CYS. We are still going up Thursday and apparently visitation will be on May 20th granted DD's ex will not violate the order. The attorney states that his ex will be held in contempt if she does not furnish the kids on May 20th. But, our question is...hasn't she been in contempt already? DD thinks that now since we have this attorney he likes a lot, it will be different if we are forced to file another contempt motion. But, if it came to that, will we have to file another contempt motion or could our attorney just add this to the list of other violations that was continued to Aug. 1st. Oh, one more thing, DD got a copy of the proposed order that his attorney sent him. It was a copy that was sent to his ex's attorney to be signed and there was one thing that bothered both of us. The sentence states: The mother shall be responsible to drop the children off and facilitate, to the maximum extent possible the visitation between the father and children. The word facilitate really throws us off, because we know she will use it against DD. CYS' rules for supervised visitation states the other parent cannot be present or even so many yards within the facility, but we think his ex will use that word to get CYS to allow her to sit in on visitations and run it the way she wants it to be. Should we be worried? DD called attorney and he said not to worry, it didn't mean that and it was for his benefit. Just wondering what any of you think. Thanks!

Facilitate just means make possible...For her to cooperate and enable the visitation "to the maximum extent possible". Meaning basically~ she should jump through hoops to make sure it happens. I'm not worried about the word "facilitate" at all...it's common verbiage in CA courts. (ie; Family Law Facilitator's office)...what irks me is the "to the maximum extent possible" phrase. That should read more like an order to enforce *IMO*, and considering the history of contempt/denials on Mom's part.

Dad really should have his attorney request an evaluation. As rmet stated, via GAL or 730 evaluation. (730 evaluation is what's really needed here since mom is so manipulative)...but both cost money- and a 730 eval takes more time and the most money.

Dad should speak with his attorney re; why he's made x or y decisions...and reiterate his desire for his attorney to work aggressively for him. I don't think DD is asking enough questions, or the attorney isn't explaining/clarifying some things...either way, a meeting would make sure they are on the same page.