Daddy Is FINALLY filing 4 CUSTODY!!!

[bhhunter13]

What is the name of your state? NY

well i FINALLY got the courage to go to the courts and file for custody of our daughter who is 9 months!!! where has the time gone!!!!

well here is what i need help with...
i have a court date the 23rd to visit the court to discuss me filing for custody.

what i am basically asking are the do's and don'ts.
i already know to dress professional, refer to our child as "our child" and not "my child", don't get into arguments etc etc.

what i don't know is what the who "process" is like and for those of you who have gone through the process can u let me know some of the negative things i may have to prepare myself for.

well let me not keep "talking" i await your responses and will reply accordingly!


You can read my previous post by clicking below or just search for bhhunter13. The name of the post was "future baby mamma drama"

https://forum.freeadvice.com/showthread.php?threadid=138396&highlight=bhhunter13

 

[tigger22472]

Is this the actual trial where mom will be there also or are you saying you are getting a consult?
I just read your previous post(or at least some of it.. 5 pages was pretty long... )

Things you want to keep in mind is basically, only be dirty when you have to . You want the judge to know that you are totally for joint custody and that you intend to continue to help your child have a good and loving relationship with both parents. Have all your ducks in a row. Take all that documentation you've had over the last 9 months. Have everything that proves you have done what it takes to have a relationship with your child including supporting her. I hope any money or such you gave her you kept receipts for. Now, where it will be a little harder for you is here, Child has lived with mom for the last 9 months in grandparents home(I'm assuming that's where she still is). So, in essence although it's not supposed to matter, it does that there is not only mom there but a whole support system at the home. This is where you will need to prove that YOU can provide AS GOOD or preferably BETTER care then what is being provided now. This is also where your documentiion will help if mom's ever denied you access to the child or tried to 'control' your visits.

If I think of anything else I will post or if you have more ?'s feel free to ask. I LOVE seeing a dad step up to the plate... it proves once again that the stereotypes they get aren't always as it seems.

(BTW.. just want to add.. Several years ago my cousin had a child out of wedlock with a young girl that lived with her parents. My cousin stepped up to the plate and paid for EVERYTHING that her parents insurance didn't pay and gave money WHENEVER they needed it for whatever it was. Over a year later they took him to court for CS. Mom ended up getting less then she was when she didn't have the order. While in court the mother (and HER mom) tried bashing my cousin and they were the ones left with the bashing for the judge let them know how many cases he has where a parent ISN"T fullfiling their duties or won't until a judge makes them and he had a young man in his courtroom that had taken responsibility from Day 1. The sad ending to this story is though that my cousin didnt' have the backbone that you do. Mom and her parents refused to allow him to take the child out of their presence and he didn't fight it. Once it became too much because mom got a new b/f and starting pushing dad away, he stayed away. I wish I had lived closer to him and knew then what I know now... cuz that wouldn't of happened. Sadly last I heard he has no relationship with his child but the support he pays.)

 

[bhhunter13]

Actual trial yes no…
To be honest with you I don’t know.. as per the reason I posted this. BUT both of us have to show up. We will be sitting in front of a court officer. I guess I will be the one who will be “drilled” ie. Why do u want custody? Do u feel she is an unfit mother etc etc. then I think they will set up a date for child services to come check out my crib etc etc.

5 pages was pretty long...
hahahahahah girl then u got the “abridged” version!!! I printed it out myself months ago and it was 23+ pages long!! Hahah but I only posted that for those who may ask questions that were already answered.

documentation
girl that is a pain in the A$$!!! I started to document stuff but it got to the point that EVERYSINGLE time I go over there I would come back home and “document” the BS I had just experience. As far as receipts, doctor co-payments, and her medication I have receipts for and I have them organized by the months. I often sit back and say to myself this is a bunch of BS!!!!!!!!! If this is what I have to look forward to for the next 21 years then DAMN!!!!!!!!

not only mom there but a whole support system at the home.
I thought about that and u r 100% CORRECT but then I though about it…..AGAIN… all my BG needs right now is for someone to be there when she needs her diapers changed, to be feed, to have someone read to her, take her outside and show her some love and affection.

And for those things she does not need her mother or that “support system” that u refer too. All she needs is someone to take care of all her needs!!!! And for hat I can HIRE SOMEONE!!!! When I am at work or cannot do it myself.

Better here or better there…
That is what I do not want this thing to turn into a “CONTEST” of who can “provide” the best care for her. We both are her PARENTS and we both LOVE her DEARLY so I can’t see why on has to have a “better” living environment than the other. I will not put her in any danger like it is ASS-U-ME-D her mother will not.

if mom's ever denied you access to the child or tried to 'control' your visits.
Hahahah ahhahaha ahahhaha ahah and that my girl is called “BABY MAMA DRAMA!!!! Hahahah which is what I am TRYING to avoid!!! Hahahah well I will get my first “taste” of what might happen this Sunday. I pick her up every Sunday. My sister served her the papers 2 days ago so hopefully my BG won’t get “sick”, “be busy” the weather is too “bad” for travel or some other TOTALLY ridicules. But I am prepared for the worst from here on out!!! :-(

If I think of anything else I will post
THANKS!!! And I do have more as soon as I get my questions together I will post them!!! Hahha

I LOVE seeing a dad step up to the plate..
Believe it or not I don’t feel any way “special” I feel more dad would do the same thing but it is a case where in which it is just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much drama for men to handle as well as in looking out for the “best interest of the child” they often leave because they feel if they are not “around” that their children don’t have to see their parents go at each other’s throats ALL THE TIME!!! The EXTREAMLY BAD part with that is that those “actions” NEVER GET TRANSLATED CORRECTLY it is often seen as the father walking out on his responsibilities then 4 to 8 years later when the child has to go to day care, school, or has a major expence and the mother can’t afford it she goes to court and asks for CHILD SUPPORT!!! And not only THAT but for BACK PAYMENTS AS WELL!!!!! And THAT is what KILLS MOST DADS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cause back payments could often add up to a CAR or down payment for a HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could continue but I think u get what I am say. I don’t feel to special but thanks for the complement More father’s would do the same but the DRAMA and PAIN can often make a guy emotionally CRIPPLED!!!!

As far as your cousin…
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D-R-A-M-A!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[WyattJ]

documentation
girl that is a pain in the A$$!!! I started to document stuff but it got to the point that EVERYSINGLE time I go over there I would come back home and “document” the BS I had just experience. As far as receipts, doctor co-payments, and her medication I have receipts for and I have them organized by the months. I often sit back and say to myself this is a bunch of BS!!!!!!!!! If this is what I have to look forward to for the next 21 years then DAMN!!!!!!!!

I understand completely there. I do document EVERYTHING....Actually what good of that if the NCP is doing the same thing, and our journal's are not the same..well of course they won't be the same, we have to make ourselves look good. But I honesty document what wrong I have said too.

There were times where I forgot to document something and had to remember it later....So now I just do it, have a notebook with me at all times, a small one in the purse, by the telephone...ect.

I keep a copy of the letter that I wrote him and stapled his reply to all of them.

It's pretty sad when parents have to stop what they're doing just to write something down just so we can COA's later. I have better things to do (spend that time with my son) then say hey "wait I need to write something...just because the ex is being a butt"! Or I will forget later.

To this date I have yet to use my journal in court..really are they valid in court? I guess since I was told to keep one.

 

[bhhunter13]

so how long have you been keeping a journal? i guess it is something i will have to get use too. i will c how the 23rd goes as to whether or not we r going to be civil to each other or not.

 

[OnlyOneVoice]

all my BG needs right now is for someone to be there when she needs her diapers changed, to be feed, to have someone read to her, take her outside and show her some love and affection.

And for those things she does not need her mother or that “support system” that u refer too. All she needs is someone to take care of all her needs!!!! And for hat I can HIRE SOMEONE!!!! When I am at work or cannot do it myself.

This is absolutely the wrong tac to take with the courts.

I know of a couple of cases where the bio mom lost custody simply because she chose to put the child in the care of someone other than a family member.

Bio-dad sued for custody and won because his mother would care for the baby while he worked and the bio mom was going to college and would put the baby in daycare.

Don't ever take the tac of "all she needs" and "I can hire someone to do that" because it's entirely possible that this will work against you with the court officer.

"Family support systems" are much preferred to "hired help".

And for you to say that your daughter "doesn't need that support system" is a very dangerous position to take.

 

[WyattJ]

so how long have you been keeping a journal? i guess it is something i will have to get use too. i will c how the 23rd goes as to whether or not we r going to be civil to each other or not.

Keeping a journal...you might as well do it like you do your laundary. If you want to COA. You never know when something might come back on you and you need to remember dates, times ect...Then all you can say is ....."hey wait! this is what was said, done ect..." Of course, it can be denied but you have it in writing, try to keep the facts.

Good LUCK!

 

[oneandonly]

tigger~

Is this the actual trial where mom will be there also or are you saying you are getting a consult?
I just read your previous post(or at least some of it.. 5 pages was pretty long... )

Things you want to keep in mind is basically, only be dirty when you have to . You want the judge to know that you are totally for joint custody and that you intend to continue to help your child have a good and loving relationship with both parents. Have all your ducks in a row. Take all that documentation you've had over the last 9 months. Have everything that proves you have done what it takes to have a relationship with your child including supporting her. I hope any money or such you gave her you kept receipts for. Now, where it will be a little harder for you is here, Child has lived with mom for the last 9 months in grandparents home(I'm assuming that's where she still is). So, in essence although it's not supposed to matter, it does that there is not only mom there but a whole support system at the home. This is where you will need to prove that YOU can provide AS GOOD or preferably BETTER care then what is being provided now. This is also where your documentiion will help if mom's ever denied you access to the child or tried to 'control' your visits.

If I think of anything else I will post or if you have more ?'s feel free to ask. I LOVE seeing a dad step up to the plate... it proves once again that the stereotypes they get aren't always as it seems.

(BTW.. just want to add.. Several years ago my cousin had a child out of wedlock with a young girl that lived with her parents. My cousin stepped up to the plate and paid for EVERYTHING that her parents insurance didn't pay and gave money WHENEVER they needed it for whatever it was. Over a year later they took him to court for CS. Mom ended up getting less then she was when she didn't have the order. While in court the mother (and HER mom) tried bashing my cousin and they were the ones left with the bashing for the judge let them know how many cases he has where a parent ISN"T fullfiling their duties or won't until a judge makes them and he had a young man in his courtroom that had taken responsibility from Day 1. The sad ending to this story is though that my cousin didnt' have the backbone that you do. Mom and her parents refused to allow him to take the child out of their presence and he didn't fight it. Once it became too much because mom got a new b/f and starting pushing dad away, he stayed away. I wish I had lived closer to him and knew then what I know now... cuz that wouldn't of happened. Sadly last I heard he has no relationship with his child but the support he pays.)

just a comment on your cousin's situation---how sad, but I think happnes quite often~

 

[tigger22472]

I think you're right it does happen ALL the time. TLWE and I had a discussion just last night about stuff.. As most of you know I'm very sensitive about TPR's. I told her I don't think anyone should have their rights taken if they are under 25. Although I agree it's not fair if one parent grows up and takes care of a child and the other takes off, I also know between 18-25 you think you know everything but when you get to 25 you realize you didn't know squat.. and usually still don't.

 

[bhhunter13]

TLWE = ?
TPR = ?
Hahha most of your comments I totally agreed with!! The drama continues. What does the above mean?

Oh in a nut shell what is this “staying home and loving it” thing all about?

 

[tigger22472]

TLWE is another forum member
TPR is Termination of Parental Rights

And Stayin' Home and Lovin' it is a company that I work for.

 

[VeronicaGia]

My only other thought is this: if you have not yet visited www.deltabravo.net, you need to. There are many useful hints, documents, links, etc., and a "father's issues" board.

 

[bhhunter13]

i have visited the site. it is where i got most of my information so many months ago....
thankx though...

 

[stealth2]

I dind't get a chance earlier, bhhunter - good luck.

 

[bhhunter13]

well the drama BEGINS!!!!!!!!!!!! i went by today to pick up our daughter. and she said she will NOT be giving her to me due to "circumstances”.

that being that i filed for custody!!!

so the next time i may get to see our baby girl is the 23rd IF THAT!!! ahahahah the road ahead will be rough!!!