Dateing a minor

[andrewswan]

The state in question is Californa.. although ontario, canada is also involved.

Recently I met a girl on the net and we began to chat extensivly.. to the point that I asked her out and she accepted.. She lives in california and I live in Ontario Canada. We have grown to love each other very much.. Up to this point I was under the impression that she was 28. Recently I found that she is actually younger.. a minor.. 16, almost 17. This shocked me very much but the fact remains that we both still love each other. Her mother however does not approve of her dateing a man so much older. I from a logial perspective understand. We have decided to stay together and wait until she is 18 before we take things any further. Her mother seems to think that it is illagal for me to even talk to her. We have not engaged in nor do we intend to engage in any sexual activites.. We just know we love each other and when she is no longer a minor intend to persue the relationship further.. for now we are just talking and chatting etc.. and would like to continue to do so.. Is this illiagal? can I get into trouble for talking to her? What do I do?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

As long as the conversation stays "squeeky clean", and I mean, not so much as a mention of her big toe, then yes you two can talk to your hearts' content.

Once the conversation starts taking a "provocative" tenor, tone, or otherwise that can be construed as "corruption" of a minor - - then watch out !

Mom can, if she has a mind to doing so, obtain a restraining order against you, on the grounds that you are stalking her daughter.

Be very careful with this. I am sure you know that you are walking on thin ice.

IAAL

 

[andrewswan]

thank you for your reply.. a further question
Define "squeeky clean"

Since I found out that she is a minor our conversations have been my my definition been Squeeky Clean..

Is my telling her that I am willing to wait till she is no longer a minor a problem?

I my telling her that I love her a problem?

 

[andrewswan]

another question regarding this point.. In Canada where I reside dateing a 16 year old in any capacity is in fact legal. If my talking to her in ways like telling her I love her is a problem(not sure about that yet waiting for a response) in the US am I bound by that same law well in Canada? Also would Mom be able to obtain that restraining order on the ground that I am stalkin her daughter when her daughter is seeking me out just as much as I her.. Is it stalking when she calls me, or requests me to call her?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

No one can possibly give you a rundown of the myriad of examples of words or phrases that could possibly be understood as "provocative." So, all I can tell you is that I leave it up to your good sense of right and wrong. I know it may be difficult, but you're going to have to be as "bland" as possible in your e-mails.

Mom could get upset, and she's bound to get upset only with the fact that you're communicating at all. But, if it is harmless banter, there's not much Mom can do. But, if you say anything that can be construed as being "off color" in any manner, Mom could obtain a restraining order. Canada and the United States have a "reciprocity" agreement. That means, if you break a law here, it can be enforced there, and vice-versa. Remember, your transmissions are being received here, in California. So, be careful.

In California, a minor remains a minor until the age of 18. Not 17, and 364 days - - she must be 18 years old. Period. And, it's strictly enforced.

Good luck, and be good.

IAAL

 

[JETX]

Up to this point I was under the impression that she was 28.
Her mother however does not approve of her dateing a man so much older.

Not that it changes any aspect of the potential for problems as already pointed out by IAAL but, HOW OLD ARE YOU????

Later, we can discuss the issues of maturity of 'falling in love on the internet' and other issues.

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Steve, you're not really expecting an answer to that, are you ?

I've come to discover that when backed into a corner, Canadians become very tight lipped.

He's not about to answer that question, which is why I didn't ask it. It was too obvious, and I didn't want to lose the writer until I was done.

He knows he's in potential trouble, and so that question will remain a mystery.

IAAL

 

[andrewswan]

I am 27.. I know how this make me sound, but please belive me this is not something I had been seeking.. by the time I found out how old she was it was too late for me, I was in love.. Too the point of that we talked about if we had too I would wait till she was 18 to even talk again.. as long as she got a message to me if her feelings changed at all.. I know this is all crazy.. it is for me too, but if you understood how emotional a person I am maybe you might not think it is quite so crazy.. Am I really in potential trouble right now? Like I said we have been clean in our conversations.. the most we've said to each other is "I love you"

signed.. Scared and in love

p.s. I understand what you mean by talking about "maturity of falling in love" and I have actually talked to her about it since I learned how old she is... She doesn't like that I don't trust her on this subject.. but I can't let it go because I know of this danger.

 

[JETX]

First, thank you for your candor. And I hope that I detect from your reply that you really do realize the impropriety of your actions.

Let me ask you a fairly simple question... and it will require a mature mindset to answer it honestly.

Lets reverse the roles, you are a father of a 16 year old girl. You find out that she is secretly having an online 'romance' with a 26 year old male. What would you think, how would you handle it, would you condone or accept it???
Now, lets assume you have a 16 year old sister in the same situation. What would you do to protect her from this possible 'online prowler'???

Finally, what would you (as a father or older brother) think about this 26 year old who claims to be in 'love' with a 16 year old girl that he has never met???

I think if you honestly answer these questions, you will see the enormous problem that you (and her family) have. Here is a suggestion. CEASE ALL FURTHER CONTACT WITH THE GIRL!! Send her an email saying that you are far too old for her and ask that she should develop friendships and relationships with people her own age in her own area. That would be the best thing that you could do for HER and not for yourself. But then, that is one of the true signs of being in love, when you forsake yourself for the other. If it is truly meant to be, ask her to email or phone you on her 18th birthday if she is still 'interested'. Then see where it goes at that time. In the meantime, let the young lady learn to grow up.

Granted NONE of the above is legal advice, but I certainly believe it is good advice into becoming a mature, responsible, productive adult.

 

[andrewswan]

First, thank you for your candor. And I hope that I detect from your reply that you really do realize the impropriety of your actions.

Let me ask you a fairly simple question... and it will require a mature mindset to answer it honestly.

Lets reverse the roles, you are a father of a 16 year old girl. You find out that she is secretly having an online 'romance' with a 26 year old male. What would you think, how would you handle it, would you condone or accept it???
Now, lets assume you have a 16 year old sister in the same situation. What would you do to protect her from this possible 'online prowler'???

Finally, what would you (as a father or older brother) think about this 26 year old who claims to be in 'love' with a 16 year old girl that he has never met???

I already gave this same speech to her in an effert to stop her from being mad at her mom. I thank you for your advice.. We spoke tonight, and her mom has decided to let us talk but just in moderation.. We are going to continue like this till she is 18 and then and only then will we meet.. I have already expressed my wishes that if her feelings change that she not be afraid to tell me, and she had done the same for me.. I thank everyone for your information... I know this whole idea probably appals a lot of people and I appreciate getting advice and not being berated for it.. thank you