Dating Advice for OKlahoma

[ChrisinOK]

What is the name of your state? Oklahoma.

Ok, heres the deal. I am 20 years old, and my girlfriend is 17, which is only a 3 year differance. (I am well aware that 17 is considered a "minor" but i feel at my age, and in my area, finding someone my exact age whom i would like is a rare thing)

Anyways, we have dated for 7 months, with her mothers support, until her mother broke us up and refused us any communication and threatened me with a restraining order. This broke both of our hearts because either of us might as well of been dead to the other as we loved each other very much and had plans to get married after she got out of high school.

Now, to first clarify, I am not a bad person in any way. I dont drink, i dont do drugs, all I do is work and pay my bills and hope to save up enough money to go back to College. Plain and simple, I'm just a normal American.

Now i fully realize our legal options are some what limited till the age of 18, but im wondering if there is ANYTHING that we can do that will assure us atleast the ability to communicate. She wants to become emancipated, but i dont fully support that as she needs to devote time to her high school..

She does, however, plan to move out with a friend in the next month or so, Will i be legaly able to see her after that? And would her mom be able to block me (Even though her daughter does not live with her) from seeing her?

Any advice would be helpful. I beleive in a parents sound judgement to protect their children, but my girlfriend and myself feel like we pose no danger to each other. We both feel "denied" of the freedom to see each other even though it is completely in her mothers legal ability.

Your advice is appreciated.

-Chris

 

[stephenk]

when does she turn 18?

 

[ChrisinOK]

In May, the day after shes done with high school.

 

[OhBullship]

The fact that you do not want her to become emancipated shows that you are concerned for her in a good way. If you really love her, waiting until she turns 18 is a your best option. If you respect her mothers wishes right now, you will be helping her, and yourself in the future. You should also be aware that if her mother does not want her moving out, it isn't going to happen.

Why did her mother change her mind about the relationship?

 

[rmet4nzkx]

If she turns 18 and graduates in May that is only about 7 more months, not a long time and since she is wanting to move out prior to that and even you realize that she needs to concentrate on high school, perhaps there is somehting about your girlfriend that her mother knows that you don't know.

Did it ever cross your mind that she may be using you as a means to get out of the house and a lot of things may change once she turns 18 and graduates?
Comply with the mother's wishes. Let the mother know you don't support her daughter's attempts at emancipation and believe she should concentrate on high school and wish to regain her blessing again. You may be surprised at the outcome, including how your girlfriend acts once she turns 18.

 

[ChrisinOK]

oops. Double post.

 

[ChrisinOK]

No.. I fail to see where you would gather that she may be using me. She planned this before we ever started talking again.. She's moving in with a friend of hers, not me.

I appreciate the advice. Her mother is a nice person, but a little off (Atleast we both think so).. Her mom used to love me to death, but slowly over time as her daughter fell more and more for me, the more hateful she became towards me and mainly her daughter.

 

[OhBullship]

Is she either an only child, or the youngest? It might not be that she hates you, but feels she is losing her child.

The best thing you could possibly do would be to respect the mothers wishes at this point. Since the mother holds the keys to her child, you need to have a good relationship with her, especially since you are marriage minded.

The reply from rmet4nzkx was perfectly appropriate and something you might want to consider. If the young lady is looking for a way to get away from home, she might be looking towards you as an escape hatch. Since we don't know either of you, all any of us can do is to guess.

Is there a chance that you could wait a couple of weeks and then try to have a conversation with her mother? Going behind her back is likely to make things worse for you both. You are both young and sometimes parents appear to be "off" when they are really showing concern for their child. Most parents would be concerned if their child was getting seriously involved at that age.

Parents like to make plans for their children, it's something we cannot help. Perhaps her mother envisioned college for her, instead of being a young bride and mother. She might be seeing you as getting in the way of her daughters future. That would be a legitimate concern, since you have only mentioned graduating from High-School for her and you have not yet finished college youself. That isn't to imply you two have not considered or discussed it, but it would cross my mind as a parent.

She is going to turn 18 soon enough. True love lasts, and it can wait a while. If the worst happens, you do not have all that long to wait.

 

[stealth2]

And until she's 18, her mom may be able to block her moving out - as well as going after the friend she's moving in with.

 

[ChrisinOK]

Is she either an only child, or the youngest? It might not be that she hates you, but feels she is losing her child.

The best thing you could possibly do would be to respect the mothers wishes at this point. Since the mother holds the keys to her child, you need to have a good relationship with her, especially since you are marriage minded.

The reply from rmet4nzkx was perfectly appropriate and something you might want to consider. If the young lady is looking for a way to get away from home, she might be looking towards you as an escape hatch. Since we don't know either of you, all any of us can do is to guess.

Is there a chance that you could wait a couple of weeks and then try to have a conversation with her mother? Going behind her back is likely to make things worse for you both. You are both young and sometimes parents appear to be "off" when they are really showing concern for their child. Most parents would be concerned if their child was getting seriously involved at that age.

Parents like to make plans for their children, it's something we cannot help. Perhaps her mother envisioned college for her, instead of being a young bride and mother. She might be seeing you as getting in the way of her daughters future. That would be a legitimate concern, since you have only mentioned graduating from High-School for her and you have not yet finished college youself. That isn't to imply you two have not considered or discussed it, but it would cross my mind as a parent.

She is going to turn 18 soon enough. True love lasts, and it can wait a while. If the worst happens, you do not have all that long to wait.

Thank you for your reply, it was very helpful. Everything that you've said holds true. Her mom does infact hope she goes to college and such and is afraid that getting married will mess that up. Infact, me and my girlfriend had discussed this very issue MANY times before, and I had agreed that the ONLY way we will get married so soon is if she goes to college, otherwise she'd just have to wait, but in the same hand we realize, and understand that being married while in College will be a challenge unto its self. Also along with that we had been, and still are, very very responsible with the posibility of pregnancy. Its an unavoidable fact of life and we do not plan to have such a thing happen for years to come and have taken all and any steps towards preventing that. But like you said, Parents usualy dont see that, they only confirm the risk to their child.

My girlfriend isnt looking to use me as a way to get out of the house, we have been broke up (By way of her mother) for 6 months now, and were talking about marriage AFTER the age of 18, So I would assume she would be moved out by then anyways. We have never, ever ever, planned for her to move out early.

To answer the first question, she is 1 of 4 children, but is the oldest. I respect her Mom's wishes, and I respect her Mom. I also respect the fact that she only wants her daughter to have a good education (Something that I push her for) I will not, and absolutely refuse to let her education suffer from me. I have even had to say "I will not be coming to see you if you cannot keep your grades up, because then I am the problem".. And you can guess that the grades improved significantly afterwards.

I do plan to wait, Its just 7 months, and for a life time of happiness that is but a tick on the watch of eternity. I like your comment about true love lasts, because its true. We had been broke up for 6 months (By way of her mom) with no communication, and have lost no feeling towards one another. I feel very strongly about this in a "Meant to be" sense and I refuse to let my girlfriends life have to suffer in any form by me being it it. I know if I wait, and play by the rules, this will eventualy work out to be something grand.

-Chris

 

[OhBullship]

Good for you Chris. If you are as responsible in your day to day life as you are expressing here, my guess is that eventually her mother will come around

I wish you both the best, and I hope it all works out for both of you.

 

[ChrisinOK]

Good for you Chris. If you are as responsible in your day to day life as you are expressing here, my guess is that eventually her mother will come around

I wish you both the best, and I hope it all works out for both of you.

Thank you for your kind remarks and optimism, her mom doesnt pay much attention to the good I do, only the mistakes I've made. But, from what we know of our own mothers, thats just plain and simpley how they work. I hope eventually all the good I do will pile up and be noticed. Who knows.

Again, Thank you for your optimistic and kind remarks.