Dating while Divorce in progress

[trinyti]

State of Florida
My divorce has been filed and response has been received, awaiting disclosure information and hopefully proceeding to mediation soon. I am in the primary residence with my 2 children ages 14 and 16, who have expressed wanting to remain with me as primary custodian. Their father is not in residence but living only miles away.
Scenario:
I have a boyfriend, whom I've known since last fall, who has an opportunity to visit with me for a week very soon. He lives in Europe, so contact has only been through phone, emails for the past 4 months. A 'normal' dating scenario is not possible because of the distance. Our relationship is serious and intentions are a long term relationship once our divorces are completed. My children are aware of the relationship and while they are still adjusting to the changes in the family dynamics, do not have objections to his visit.
Question:
If he stays the week with me, in my home, how or can it jeapordize a custody battle down the road? (Even though the children are old enough to express what they want)
If he visits and stays at a hotel with me instead of in our home can this be used as well because I will not be with the children in the home at night?
What, if any, suggestions would you make to help this visit go smoothly for all?

 

[Ambr]

i can see a couple of problems with this.

first, you are still married. if he stays with you - then you are bringing a man into the home and at their age, it is obvious that the intent is to have a sexual relationship. if you stay with him at the hotel, you are leaving them and again, the reason is obvious. your ex could definitely use either against you in court.

second, you say that your intentions are for a long term relationship with this man who lives in Europe. After your divorce, will he be moving here? Or are your plans to move there? If he is moving here, not much more of a problem. There could be the Livein argument. If you want to move there - MAJOR PROBLEM. Of course, you are free to move at will. But your ex can and probably will contest if you plan on taking the children with you. The courts will more than likely side with him. The chances for the kids having a relationship with their father is slim if they are out of the states. And travel would be expensive.

If he wants to come in and spend time with you , have him get a hotel room. Let him come over and visit during the day. Enjoy cook outs, go sight seeing and visiting and then send him to the hotel. You stay with the kids. Don't do anything that could jeopardize your custody hearing. (In the words of my lawyer, play saint teresa for a while. don't do anything. put you rlife on hold for a while. and it is a small price to pay.)

If a custody battle is what you are looking at, then you don't want or need to give your ex anything that he can use against you. If your friend cares about you, he will understand.