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Daughter having a child out of wedlock w/ a married military soldier-need advice

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AARJCR1972

Junior Member
Clarksville, Montgomery County, TN

My daughter is 17 (she will be 18 years old-08/19/08) and is having a baby-due circa 08/03/2008. The father is a 19 year old married military soldier who got married Jan 2008 and his wife got pregnent in Feb/Mar 2008-only four months along. He is stationed in Ft. Lewis, Washington. He claims that the baby is not his, and that he wants nothing to do with her or the baby. BUT, the baby is his and he knows this because he mad a comment to her when they had sex when he did not use a condom. He said that if she did become pregnent that he would come back here and take care of her and the baby. BUT, this was before he got married. My daughter does not want to split them up. She just wants him to step up and help provide for the baby.

My daughter is currently on TennCare (State funded medical coverage) I heard that since she has sought help with the State of TN for medical benefits for now that they will pursue him in DNA, child support and getting her what she is entitled to. But, I still believe that she could turn elsewhere without paying for an attorney right now, she has absolutely no income-working on her GED, and then once the baby is born she will be enrolling in Nursing School for her LPN then bridging to RN.

What are her options? (This is what we have so far)
1) She was underage when they had sex, TN state law is 18! She was 17, and he was 19.
2) I have been doing some research, and IF the baby is PROVEN to be his (which it will be-
there is not a doubt in her or my mind) He has to provide her with several things.
a. Child Support from the date of conception 11/07/07
b. Medical Benefits/Coverage thru the Military
C. Military ID with on post benefits to the stores and schools.
d. A life insurance policy on him in the baby's name- with the mother as the Guardian
until the age of 18
e. a car for transportation for bringing the baby to the doctor, daycare, etc.

Please let me know if you know of anything that we can do once the baby is born, what her rights are as far as the mother of the child goes, and how she can go about doing everything.

Thanks,

Aimee
 
Last edited:


happybug

Member
"What are her options? (This is what we have so far)
1) She was underage when they had sex, TN state law is 18! She was 17, and he was 19.
2) I have been doing some research, and IF the baby is PROVEN to be his (which it will be-
there is not a doubt in her or my mind) He has to provide her with several things.
a. Child Support from the date of conception 11/07/07
b. Medical Benefits/Coverage thru the Military
C. Military ID with on post benefits to the stores and schools.
d. A life insurance policy on him in the baby's name- with the mother as the Guardian
until the age of 18
e. a car for transportation for bringing the baby to the doctor, daycare, etc. "


I will stick with the basic nation wide issues here and perhaps a Senior Member will stop in and give you the TN and Military specifics.

a) Your research is WRONG. He DOES NOT have to provide a cent of child support until there is a living child. Once that child is born, your Daughter can take him to court for Child Support. He will take a DNA test and IF he is the Father he will be named the Father. Child Support MIGHT be ordered retroactive to the birth or it may be ordered retroactive to the day your Daughter files or it may be ordered as of that date. It WILL NOT be ordered retroactive to the conception. This process can take a year or more. Your daughter should be prepared for the fact that she may not get any Child Support for a year or longer.

d) This is NOT a given. The judge could order it but he/she may not. Don't count this chicken.

e) This one made me laugh. No, even if this man is the Father. He does NOT have to provide your Daughter with a car. Your daughter can provide her own car or maybe someone will give her a Bus Pass at her shower.

You seem VERY sure this man is the Father. Did you allow your daughter to have sex with him? Were you aware they were having sex before she got pregnant? If not, is it possible that if she hid from you that she was having sex with this one, she is now hiding from you that she was having sex with others?

You seem to think your Daughter is entitled to a lot more than she actually is. If this man is the father. He has NO legal or moral obligation to support your Daughter. He will have an obligation to HELP support the child. Your Daughter will also be responsible to support her child.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
Tennessee

§ 39-13-506
Statutory rape to sexually penetrate a person at least age 13 but less than age 18 if the actor is at least four years older than the victim.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
You need to let your daughter grow up. She made the choice to have sex and she needs to deal with the consequences of that action.
She doesn't get child support to conception -- he may be ordered to pay childbirth expenses once the child is his. She doesn't get awarded a car because she had a baby. She needs to realize that she needs to get a job and support HERSELF and her child.
 
Pregnant daughter.

Wouldn't that be something, to get pregnant and think that the military soldier, supposed sperm donor, should buy his pregnant giirlfriend a car. I'm still laughing.

Get ready to help care for a grandchild. Your daughter will need to step up to the plate and start being a parent. 24/7!
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
:eek: I can't imagine which drunken moron "provided" you with that "researched information," but run away from that steaming pile of not-at-all-true nonsense at once!!! :eek:


I have been doing some research, and IF the baby is PROVEN to be his (which it will be-
there is not a doubt in her or my mind) He has to provide her with several things.
a. Child Support from the date of conception 11/07/07
b. Medical Benefits/Coverage thru the Military
C. Military ID with on post benefits to the stores and schools.
d. A life insurance policy on him in the baby's name- with the mother as the Guardian
until the age of 18
e. a car for transportation for bringing the baby to the doctor, daycare, etc.
 

xylene

Senior Member
In all that researchin' you did, maybe you shoulda researched explaining contraception to your daughter before she started 'dating' solders.

Like at age 10.

That made her aware of the lawful and moral family planning options available to the women of a free nation.

TOO LATE.
 

qurice

Member
Aw c'mon, sounds like this soon to be grandma just wants to shop at the BX! :rolleyes: ;)

BUT, the baby is his and he knows this because he mad a comment to her when they had sex when he did not use a condom. He said that if she did become pregnent that he would come back here and take care of her and the baby.
It doesn't make the child his, it just means he'd say anything to get in your daughters pants.
 

Gracie3787

Senior Member
My daughter is currently on TennCare (State funded medical coverage) I heard that since she has sought help with the State of TN for medical benefits for now that they will pursue him in DNA, child support and getting her what she is entitled to. But, I still believe that she could turn elsewhere without paying for an attorney right now, she has absolutely no income-working on her GED, and then once the baby is born she will be enrolling in Nursing School for her LPN then bridging to RN.
Your daughter does not have the choice to "turn elsewhere". She is recieving public assistance, as soon as the baby is born the state will serve the putitive father with papers to establish paternity and CS. The state will need to be paid back, your daughter has no control over that.

What she does have control over is to find a job first, and attend school second. She has made the choice to become a parent, that means that what SHE wants to do, or what SHE plans to do comes second to taking care of herself and her child. She can work and go to school, it isn't easy, especially with trying to take care of a baby, but it can be done, it just takes longer.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
What are her options? (This is what we have so far)
1) She was underage when they had sex, TN state law is 18! She was 17, and he was 19.
2) I have been doing some research, and IF the baby is PROVEN to be his (which it will be-
there is not a doubt in her or my mind) He has to provide her with several things.
a. Child Support from the date of conception 11/07/07
b. Medical Benefits/Coverage thru the Military
C. Military ID with on post benefits to the stores and schools.
d. A life insurance policy on him in the baby's name- with the mother as the Guardian
until the age of 18
e. a car for transportation for bringing the baby to the doctor, daycare, etc.
The car one is really too funny. There is NO such law anywhere that says if you go out and get yourself knocked up, you are rewarded with an automobile.

Nor is CS awarded from CONCEPTION.

Mom needs to get her own health insurance, as only baby will benefit from dad's medical.

Also, realistically, each parent should get life insurance on the other parent, because if one passes, the other will have the responsibility of raising the child.
 

EvilEmpryss

Junior Member
If you're doing this because you feel your daughter was a victim of statutory rape then forget about it. Under your state's laws she was of an age to consent to sex with someone less than four years older than her. If she was 17 and he was 19, it was consensual sex, not rape. If she's getting public assistance right now then they already asked her about the father and determined that no crime had been committed. If they thought it was statutory rape, they would already have brought the guy up on charges.

If you're doing this for the support of the child I do not suggest you do this until you have a live baby in arms with a paternity test waiting. Military dependent benefits can be very tricky, and whether or not the mother will be covered is not something I am certain of. Likely not since he already has a legal spouse and child on the way. The following I do know from my time in the military :

*IF* the baby is definitely his -- and you must be certain before you go further with this because you could ruin this guy's career if you're wrong -- you can contact his First Sergeant and request assistance with getting him to support the child.

The baby will definitely be covered for medical benefits if he either claims it as his or is proven through testing to be his.

The military will increase his pay and benefits because he has a child, but only if he is the primary caregiver/provider of support. Even a court order of support may not grant him increased benefits, but it will make him pay child support. If the baby isn't claimed by him, doesn't live with him, and the court doesn't order support, the military won't do a damn thing to force him to, though.

There is no guarantee that the mother or child will get a military ID card or base privileges. Those are generally reserved for people who are dependents living with the active duty member. Since the baby can get all its health care through civilian docs using Tricare, it's not likely that mom will get an ID in today's climate.

He doesn't have to provide life insurance for the mother, baby, or himself. The baby wouldn't even inherit ahead of his legal spouse in most states, and even if he makes out a will most states protect the spouse from being deprived of more than a third of the estate.

Only families living on base get access to military schools, and only on those bases that *have* such schools.

Forget about him providing transportation. If mom gets child support, then a vehicle would be a reasonable expense for the child's' maintenance. Use the cash to buy one.

Just a warning, but if you are right and this guy is the daddy, trying to play hardball with the military will likely get him in such trouble that he *could* lose his job. I've seen it happen, and all you have then is a baby with no father, a father with no job, and a mother with no money or benefits to support the baby. If he loses his job all pay and benefits cease and no one gets anything, so for the baby's sake, tread softly!

If this guy is the baby's daddy, he will be in your life for the length of the baby's life, and the baby deserves a father's presence. It might behoove you to try to play nice and maybe salvage that relationship. Seventeen and nineteen year-olds (even ones in the military) can do stupid stuff under the influence of raging hormones. If his worst offense was consensual sex, you could do a lot worse. Sure, he's married to someone else now, but unless you're either determined to shred that marriage or get him into a polygamous one, you have to work with what you've got.

And please teach your daughter about the Pill, IUDs, and/or other forms of birth control she can control. She wouldn't be in this position if she had had the hutzpah to actually reach down and check to see if he was wearing a condom before getting busy. Letting her go out and do it again in a year would cross from ignorant into criminally stupid.
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Military dependent benefits can be very tricky, and whether or not the mother will be covered is not something I am certain of. Likely not since he already has a legal spouse and child on the way.
If you don't KNOW, don't start saying stuff.
The answer is "NO."
EvilEmpryss said:
The following I do know from my time in the military :

*IF* the baby is definitely his -- and you must be certain before you go further with this because you could ruin this guy's career if you're wrong -- you can contact his First Sergeant and request assistance with getting him to support the child.
Uhhh...do you realize you're posting to Grandma?? Granny has NO rights to bother the Dad's boss. None at all. DON'T advocate such a thing.

In fact, it is not at all necessary to involve the military, or any noncustodial parent's BOSS until AFTER many avenues have been traveled.

What Mom needs is a court order. Simple as that. She is *entitled* to nothing without one. Not even if Granny takes the Boss out to drinks and begs. :rolleyes:
EvilEmpryss said:
Even a court order of support may not grant him increased benefits,
Why would it??
EvilEmpryss said:
but it will make him pay child support.
Indeed. My point exactly.
EvilEmpryss said:
There is no guarantee that the mother or child will get a military ID card or base privileges. Those are generally reserved for people who are dependents living with the active duty member. Since the baby can get all its health care through civilian docs using Tricare, it's not likely that mom will get an ID in today's climate.
Correct.
And WHY would she? She's nothing. She's not serving her country: she *served* a single soldier. That doesn't entitle her to bennies.
 
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