Daughter having a child out of wedlock w/ a married military soldier-need advice

[EvilEmpryss]

Silverplum, I was in the military for ten years, got out in 2003, and I now help veterans obtain benefits, so I'm pretty well versed in them. The only thing I wasn't certain of I clearly stated so, so please don't try calling me to task on that.

Yes, I realized I was responding to Grandma. That was why I constantly referred to the mother rather than saying "you". As the legal guardian of a 17 year old minor, though, she is perfectly within her rights to contact the Shirt about the relationship between the two. If the girl was 18 she would have no right. Again, I emphasized in bold that she be absolutely certain about the paternity before contacting the guy's boss. And as a matter of fact, the Shirts deal with family issues all the time and can and will step in to see things are straightened out amicably (while protecting the military member, of course). If the guy accepts the paternity of the child, no court order is needed. If he allows his name to be put on the birth certificate and signs it, he will be the legal father of the child and the military will provide benefits to the baby. They will not provide benefits to the mother unless she is his wife, though, and since he is already married that just isn't going to happen. As the birth is usually considered to be a medical expense of the mother's, I don't think the birthing bills will be covered (this is more an insurance issue; looking at my civilian hospital birthing bills my expenses were billed separately from my son's, which began the moment he drew breath). All expenses the baby incurs once it is delivered, though, are billed in its name and therefore will be covered by its benefits -- *if* the guy accepts paternity.

As for the court ordered support, if the child is legally his, then the military will give him benefits for it. If the court orders him to support the child but it isn't his (weird, but it happens, especially with step children) then the military will not provide any pay or benefits for the child. It must be his by paternity or adoption for the military to do anything for it. My point was that if he's ordered to support the child by a court, he'll have to do it even if the military won't grant him benefits for it.

Your final comment was actually support of mine, so I haven't a clue why you nit-picked it. I agree that the girl doesn't deserve the benefits, but as the mother of a minor dependent of a military member, she *might* be granted base privileges *if* she can show she needs them for the baby's support. As I said, in this hyper-alert time of terrorist activity it isn't likely to happen since she can get medical care, clothes, and groceries off base with any child support being provided. When the kid is older it might qualify for its own ID, but only until it's 18th birthday.

Since I didn't see you or anyone else providing any constructive advice regarding the baby's benefits or the relationship the mother will *have* to have with the father of her baby -- much less warning her that if she costs this guy his job she can kiss any potential benefits from the military goodbye -- I don't see your snipes at my expense as all that funny. I listed facts that I know to be true from experience with the military system of benefits. If you know better, please cite your references.

 

[CourtClerk]

Silverplum, I was in the military for ten years, got out in 2003, and I now help veterans obtain benefits, so I'm pretty well versed in them. The only thing I wasn't certain of I clearly stated so, so please don't try calling me to task on that.

You may be well versed in the military, but the law? Not so much.

Yes, I realized I was responding to Grandma.

Can't tell. You tell grandma that "dad" is going to be in her life for the life of the baby? How so? Dad has to have no contact with grandma at all, ever. In fact, grandma has no legal standing WHATSOEVER where this baby is concerned, and I don't care HOW old mom is.

That was why I constantly referred to the mother rather than saying "you".

No, you said you here and there.

As the legal guardian of a 17 year old minor, though, she is perfectly within her rights to contact the Shirt about the relationship between the two.

That may be so, but she is not within her right to dictate ANYTHING where this child comes in.

If the girl was 18 she would have no right.

That, I can agree with.

Again, I emphasized in bold that she be absolutely certain about the paternity before contacting the guy's boss.

Why does grandma have to be sure of anything? It's not her child. Paternity is none of her business. Grandma needs to spend more time worrying about her daughter at this point.

And as a matter of fact, the Shirts deal with family issues all the time and can and will step in to see things are straightened out amicably (while protecting the military member, of course).

ok

If the guy accepts the paternity of the child, no court order is needed.

No court order is needed for what and for how long? Will the military adjudicate issues of custody and visitation also? Not where I am. That is for courts - courts that issue ORDERS.

If he allows his name to be put on the birth certificate and signs it, he will be the legal father of the child and the military will provide benefits to the baby.

Tread lightly, this information is inaccurate in lots of states. Often times, there is another step needed to legally adjudicate paternity. Again, you're good at the military, stay there.

They will not provide benefits to the mother unless she is his wife, though, and since he is already married that just isn't going to happen.

That again, we can agree with.

As the birth is usually considered to be a medical expense of the mother's, I don't think the birthing bills will be covered (this is more an insurance issue;

that very well be what you THINK, but it is legally inaccurate. Fathers are regularly ordered to pay bill associated with the birth of the child.

looking at my civilian hospital birthing bills my expenses were billed separately from my son's, which began the moment he drew breath).

irrelevant

All expenses the baby incurs once it is delivered, though, are billed in its name and therefore will be covered by its benefits -- *if* the guy accepts paternity.

BABIES ARE NOT "ITS" THEY ARE CHILDREN. PEOPLE. HUMAN BEINGS.

As for the court ordered support, if the child is legally his, then the military will give him benefits for it. If the court orders him to support the child but it isn't his (weird, but it happens, especially with step children) then the military will not provide any pay or benefits for the child. It must be his by paternity or adoption for the military to do anything for it. My point was that if he's ordered to support the child by a court, he'll have to do it even if the military won't grant him benefits for it.

BABIES. ARE. NOT. ITS.

Your final comment was actually support of mine, so I haven't a clue why you nit-picked it.

I can't imagine why I nit picked this one

I agree that the girl doesn't deserve the benefits, but as the mother of a minor dependent of a military member, she *might* be granted base privileges *if* she can show she needs them for the baby's support. As I said, in this hyper-alert time of terrorist activity it isn't likely to happen since she can get medical care, clothes, and groceries off base with any child support being provided. When the kid is older it might qualify for its own ID, but only until it's 18th birthday.

I sure hope you don't go around calling your own children little its.

Since I didn't see you or anyone else providing any constructive advice regarding the baby's benefits or the relationship the mother will *have* to have with the father of her baby -- much less warning her that if she costs this guy his job she can kiss any potential benefits from the military goodbye -- I don't see your snipes at my expense as all that funny. I listed facts that I know to be true from experience with the military system of benefits. If you know better, please cite your references.

In case you didn't notice, mom is not here posting, so there is no way to advise mom of the relationship she will have to have with the father of her child.

My references: This is what I do. Every day of the week.

 

[heightsgirl]

The military will increase his pay and benefits because he has a child, but only if he is the primary caregiver/provider of support. Even a court order of support may not grant him increased benefits, but it will make him pay child support. If the baby isn't claimed by him, doesn't live with him, and the court doesn't order support, the military won't do a damn thing to force him to, though.

There is no guarantee that the mother or child will get a military ID card or base privileges. Those are generally reserved for people who are dependents living with the active duty member. Since the baby can get all its health care through civilian docs using Tricare, it's not likely that mom will get an ID in today's climate.

.

He will not get increased pay or benefits because of having a child. You either get BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing) based on having dependents or not. He has a wife, therefore he's getting it based on having dependents. Adding to the number of dependents doesn't increase your compensation.

The child would be entitled to having an ID card as that is the insurance ID for Tricare and would get a military ID. Once that child is enrolled in DEERS, which he would have to do for insurance benefits, said child would be able to get an ID card. Mom will not. As far as mom using the PX and Commisary, the only thing she is actually entitled to use it for is for items for the baby, not for her own personal use.

 

[redleg17]

The military route is a dead end until paternity. A previous poster was correct: a birth cerificate or other legal device establishing paternity is ALL that is needed by the military for dependant benefits....a court order is not necessary. Adding a dependant for benefits is an administrative issue, not a legal one.

About the comment of ruining his career.....under the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice), he has absolutely nothing to worry about career-wise....the child was conceived before he was married. Although your daughter was a minor under state law, under the UCMJ consenual sex with a 17 year-old is NOT likely to get him in trouble. In fact The only potential problem would be if he failed to pay child-support (if ordered).

Once paternity has been established and CS ordered, if the dad steps up to the plate...fine, if not, contact his Commander (not the first sergeant) and if that route fails, the closest JAG (Judge Advocate General's) office. They can assist with the dependent's benefits (Tricare, ID card, etc) but CANNOT force him to pay CS. What they can do...is MOTIVATE him to pay child support. Military members subject to the UCMJ can be stripped of rank, lose money, be restricted to the barracks, or be given "extra duty" for failing to support a dependent. How much trouble he gets in is mainly up to him and the willingness of his Chain-of-Command to help. Some commanders will throw the book at them, some will shrug it off and tell you to get a civilian lawyer....non-judicial punishment is up to the discretion of the commander...so if you do contact them, don't piss them off.

Dependant benefits are not the father's choice on whether or not the child receives them, so don't let him BS you...either he gets the kid enrolled in Tricare and gets the ID taken care of, or you tell your daughter to handle it herself.

The child will NOT have the right to attend schools on base, will NOT be on his miltary life insurance unless he chooses it, the mother will have no ID card of her own, and the priviledges of the child will be limited to a an ID card and medical care.