Dead beat Dad in the military

[tstarky]

My son is in the Army and will not start the procedings to get his child recognized as a dependent. The mother, who he is not married to, is too poor to afford a lawyer and must go through the Texas Attorney General, which takes FOREVER. I do not have the money to help either.

My question is: Who in the Army do I contact to put pressure on my son to get his butt in gear? The child is 9 mos old. He is well cared for but they are living with her mother who is on social security. Definitely not enough money. I know the Army will require DNA since they are not married. The mother welcomes this testing. She has nothing to hide. God forbid in this world of unrest that something should happen to my son and his child be left out in the cold.

And to top it off, my son has been telling me that he has been sending money but he can't produce any proof. The mother informs me that he only sent one check and the second one he sent bounced. Jerk. I hate to say that about my own son. I won't sit by and watch him piddle around and have fun while his child does without. Not gonna happen on my watch.....

Any advice, suggestions would be welcome! I have already written the chaplain at his base and my congresswoman and senator. I'd write the president if I thought he would do something about it....

Thanks for reading this long winded post!

a concerned grandmother

 

[Grandma B]

You're not only a concerned grandmother, but also a rare and wonderful person. I hope the child's mother appreciates what you're trying to do.

Your actions have been appropriate. Though I'm not a proponent of relying on public assistance, it might help to accomplish your goals if the mother applies for such. CPs seem to get better response from child support enforcement if they're receiving assistance. As a minimum, she should apply for Medicaid so the child can receive proper medical care.

 

[tstarky]

Thanks for your response! I appreciate your quick reply. The child is already on public assistance including WIC. This is another thing that irks me! It is not up to the taxpayer to pay for his responsibilities when it is in his power to take care of business hisself. I know he can't be there physically, which makes it "easy" for him, but he should be there financially. I just want what is due my grandson. He shouldn't have to suffer any more than absolutely necessary just because he has an idiot for a father. I don't mean to sound harsh, as if I don't love my son, I do. I actually feel sorry for him because one day he will realize what he missed out on.

 

[MarlaR]

It is such a welcome to hear such things from a grandmother that has a son that is not supportive. my ex fiancee sounds about like your son. unwilling to pay child support when the time comes. his mother however, sounds alot like you. she thinks he should do what his duty is and provide her soon to be grandson with everything. i agree with you that your son and my ex will see what they are missing out on one day and there will be nothing that can replace the time missed with their child. good luck and keep providing support to the mother, she needs all she can get.....not talking about monetary support either, just the fact that you are doing the right thing. one can love their child and disagree with what they are doing!

 

[needoutNOW]

Call and speak with his immediate supervisor or send a certified letter. Not paying child support in the military is a serious offense.

 

[usmcfamily]

tstarky~~
You need to contact your son's CO (commanding officer) -- that would be your starting point. To do this all you need to know is what unit your son is with -- call the base he is currently at and ask to be connected to the CO of that unit....inform them that your grandchild is a legal dependant of a member of his unit and that your son is neglecting him. The military frowns SEVERELY over this type of irresponsibility from their members and action should be taken post haste by the command to rectify the situation. If, though, you don't see satisfaction from that call you continue up the chain by contacting the CO of the entire base and aprising him of the situation. MAKE NOISE!!!! I highly doubt that you will have to take it beyond the unit level as they are typically fairly swift on this type of thing but if you still haven't gotten satisfaction from the base CO level your next step is to contact HQ of the ARMY in DC and making noise there.. but you won't have to go that far I promise!
If you need further info or guidance regarding specific military procedure or info please e-mail me privately as specific location/and # info shouldn't be posted publicly (especially right now)....
Good luck and God Bless

 

[NaMessNalabama]

Good for you for holding your son accountable!!! I am an ex military wife. I was divorced by an Air Force Col. you can bet the military frownds on it's members not being responsible. Do as suggested and call his commanding officer immediately. If you don't know who that is or his his unit just call the base legal office and they can guide you in what to do.

I had a friend who went through the same thing. It took one phone call from her to the base legal office and within 48 hours her babie's father was promising and very willing to do what she needed.

Your grandchild should be ligetimized so that she can be put on the DEERS program. Her mother will be able to get an ID card that will allow her to take the child to any military medical facility. That is your grandaughters right. Bless you for making sure she gets what is rightfully hers.

 

[tstarky]

Thank you all for your help! I got more information from you than I could ever have hoped for. I now have a super plan to start me in the right direction. I will call and find out who his commanding officer is on Monday as it is too late today. I will follow up any verbal contact with him/her with a written letter confirming our conversation. I will keep a copy in case I have to go up the chain of command.

Thank you and bless you all for your support!

 

[JustADad]

Here is an idea

I can't understand your situation entirely. Why hasn't the AG's office been able to set up a court date for paternity? If DNA hasn't been established yet, getting in touch with his commander is a waste of time. True the military does look down on not paying your bills and not taking care of your children, but they also protect their own too. They can't withhold money from your son without an order to withhold. In order to do this you have to go to court and paternity must be established. Going through the AG's office shouldn't be this much of a hassle. As long as they have his SS# (Being his mother, I would think you would know that info.) and that he is active duty in the Army should be enough to find him and get him served. They locate through TWC and DL# and SS#'s are the way they find them. You could even take it one step further and tell them what base he is at. It does take time, I think up to 90 days but not even that long since he is AD. Once he is found to be the father, a notice to withhold is sent to DFAS in Clevland and he is ordered to enroll the child in DEERS. DEERS is for insurance and next of kin info. If he doesn't do it, the childs mom can take the birth certificate and the order to the base and enroll the child herself. The child will be insured immediately and will date back from time of birth. As far as WIC and assistance goes, as long as it's not TANIF she can probably still get it. They offer WIC on most bases to AD members and their families. Good luck.

 

[tstarky]

Well, the whole point of getting to his CO is to make him aware that one of his soldiers has a duty to do and isn't taking care of it. I was hoping someone could make his life a little uncomfortable until he takes care of the matter. The mother must go through our Attorney General's office which has taken over 5 months so far, and they haven't done diddly yet. They have a huge back log. She cannot afford a lawyer and I can't afford to hire one for her. We know the paternity must be done and welcome it. The problem is getting my son to follow through. He has the power to really speed things up but he is not in a big hurry to do so.

As a side note, I tried to get a hold of his CO and no one, NO ONE I called at the base will give me that information. I only have his mailing address and it does not have enough information on it to find who his CO would be. I even tried the Red Cross and they could not find his unit in their directory. They did however track him down by sending a "no contact" request to his commander by using his SS#. Unfortunately, his CO made him call when I was away from my phone! All he did was leave a message that was obviously meant for his CO to overhear and has not called me back. I don't know what to do next.

 

[usmcfamily]

Tstarky~~
Please e-mail me privately if you would like as I have a further suggstion that I would rather not post.........
my e-mail is
[email protected]

 

[$depp$]

You don't need a name to send a certified letter to his CO on base. Just address it to the Commanding Officer. Whoever that may be will get it. The military takes family obligations VERY serious.

My ex was "counciled" and demoted for his disregard of Army Regulations. If it would have continued, he could eventually be dishonorably discharged. Also, wage attachments are easy in the military.

 

[tstarky]

WooHoo! Good news!

As I was sitting and writing a nice little letter to be sent to the Commanding Officer at Fort Bragg I got a call from the mother of my grandson. Seems the TX Attorney General FINALLY got around to the case after 5-6 months. They sent a letter for my son to appear in court on Friday 1/25/02, the same day he received the letter! His CO called for him and informed them that there was no way to get him there and they managed to take care of everything over the phone. He has to send some information to them but child support will be paid by the middle of March. He did not deny paternity so the DNA test was waived.

This is great news! And my son has been save a butt chewing...

Thank you all for your help!

 

[chicken691]

Well I went throught a similar thing. My daughters dad is in the navy. He claims her as a dependent which i said he could so they would give me money every month. T first he would send it but then he would do it when he wanted . I called his comanding officer and they talked to him and he said he would pay me what he owed but he didnt. He is always saying he is going to kill me if i call again. I just went to the district attorney and because he is in the military they will find him and make him pay. also if she knows his ss# she can go to a local military base and apply for medical without him . thats what i had to do