Deadbeat roomate

[perceptionist]

deadbeat roomate

My girlfriend and her ex husband are both on an apartment lease which began around feb 97. They were seperated Jan 98, and later divorced Mar 99. He still lives with her and she asks him regularly to move. He doesn't pay rent and uses her second car, eats her food and can't hold a job for long. He even went as far as forging her name on a check and managed to cash it. She has proof of this. He takes cash from her purse frequently. He pawned her wedding ring for cash. He claims he has no place to go and is unable to contribute in any way. She is reluctant to take legal action because she is not aware of her options being from another country and all. She is a very good person and does not deserve to be treated in this manner. She is concerned that legal action will involve a costly mess when her ex has already cost her plenty and plenty more. She would like to be compensated for money owed for past rent but would be happy just to see him gone...

please help


Ps. Location is San Diego, CA

[Edited by perceptionist on 02-11-2001 at 06:21 PM]

 

[djdj]

Maybe she is a very good person, BUT she has a severe MENTAL problem that needs to be addressed.

She LIKES LOSERS, SHE LIKES BEING ABUSED, and that is sick!

Now that i have gotten that out of the way......

So she is a foreginer, she MUST learn to speak english, and learn about America....she can get a restraining order against him, if he comes and bothers her again she can have him arrested.

And forging a check is a CRIME......why didnt she file a police report on the bum?

You have a DUTY to teach her to be an American, she is not in a 3rd world dictatorship, and the legal system is not cheap.....but there are ways to make it less expensive.

Why not ask the landlord if she can terminate the lease early because of this bum........ Does she even have a lease?

IF NOT she can give the landlord 30 days to vacate, then the bum really wont have anywhere to live.

[Edited by djdj on 02-11-2001 at 07:41 PM]

 

[t.brown]

Nice of the previous reppliant to boost the poor gals self esteem puts such a neat twist on this abuse issue I like your irony caller 1 Seems harsh but she'll need to go through a procedure ;OPERATION UNBREAK its for her heart which is severly broken the head and common sense is the first to go Now have her find some PHYSICAL defect its important that it be a superficial trait or stupid mannerism now once that is done bshe needs but DWE:LL ON IT If within a week the problem with his being there isn't solved try again from the top Now your part may be delicate she must see the suggested "EMBARRASMENT"as her own thoght so dont tell her to do it just ;laugh till you cry and when she asks why tell her for example;I was just thinking about how stupid so and so looks when ..." now timimg matters do this ONLY AFTER they fight when she needs sympathy and you feel like strangling her for repeating the drama Be casual and GO0OD LUCK and dont feel too bad for her its not too bad to be a victim at least people feel sorry for you Try being the *******!now thats awful

 

[djdj]

NO what I AM saying is ...she will probably get severly beat up 6 times before she finally gives up on the bum..... that is the average)

MY question to you is:

Can we prevent this from happening?


Something IS seriously wrong wth her if she gets a divorce he forges checks steals her money... and still lives with her, thats NOT NORMAL!

[Edited by djdj on 02-13-2001 at 03:50 PM]

 

[febrifuga]

ex-husband

I am not a lawyer. I cannot give professional advice. But I reccomend you find out if your friend has talked with her landlord about this? Perhaps there is some way he can evict the ex but not your friend. Is the ex on the lease? (did he sign it) If he is, it may be harder to get rid of him. Is your friend on the lease? (Did she sign it?) If not, then perhaps her easiest alternative would be to move herself. Maybe finding a new apartment and getting away from him would be better than living with the he** he's putting her through.

 

[perceptionist]

I believe that it is safe to say that violence is not a factor in this scenario. I think that the guy has grown attached to the incredible generousity of (for the sake of conversation) "Stacy". She is very giving and understanding and feels he deserves a fair chance to get on his feet but he just won't leave this comfortable nest he has and she knows that it's gone too far already, they have been long divorced. I told her that she is making it too comfortable for him, She says that she asks him to leave all the time and he basically buys himself more time in a very passive "I need a little more time to save up some money" kinda way. So she agrees and waits while he pretends to get a job and fails complaining how hard it is to find work. And then he needs money from her to get her 2nd car fixed (which he uses to "go to work") I told her to sell it or keep it at my place but she is worried that without the car, he will have even more of an excuse to avoid finding a job and eventually getting out. I think (knowing her as I do) that she is a very kind, down to earth person who doesn't have it in her to put another person out on the street who can't take care of himself. She is waiting impatiently for him to grow some wings and fly on his own for a change. As far as her moving out, I have suggested this many times but she is reluctant. She says "it isn't right that I should have to leave my home because this guy can not take care of himself".
I figure the guy has to wake up some time and realize how he is hurting her. By the way they are both signed on the lease. Now when the lease runs out.. Is there anything to prevent her from renewing without him???


thanks for all your feed back, it helps to hear from people who have been there and can relate...