Desperate for help!

[DesperateMommy]

What is the name of your state? Wisconsin
The father and I have shared custody(50/50) and shared placement (50/50). Neither of us pays the other one child support. Our divorce was final October 20, 2005. The visitation schedule was ordered to be Monday and Tuesday by dad and wednesday and thursday by me. Every other friday, saturday, and sunday the children alternate. In August of 2005 before the date of final divorce the father and I lived in neighboring cities. We were living about 15 minutes from each other. I then moved (30 miles 50 min. from him). I wanted the kids to switch schools out by me because I am the one who participates in everything and anything having to do with school. Including picking up the kids when they are sick, helping out in classrooms, field trips etc. I am also the only one that takes the kids to the doctor, eye appointments, and pays for all school expenses including year books, field trips, school supplies etc. He was order to pay for half of the medical ins premium taken out of my check to cover the kids for health ins. and never has. I ended up driving the kids to and from on the days they were by me. That is a 2 hour round trip in the morning and then again in the afternoon. The case was held open until the 26th of this month. Since October he has paid for nothing and leaves the kids with me whenever he can. June 15th was the last day of school for the girls. Since summer has begun the father has asked me to keep the girls from Monday at 8 a.m. thru saturday at 2 p.m. And he would take them every weekend from saturday at 2 p.m. thru monday morning. I agreed and that has been what we have been doing. On July 3rd I picked my daughters up from their father's house and at about 11 that night my oldest who is 7 said to me that she couldnt sit. I asked her why and she went on to tell me that her father pulled her underwear to her ankles and spanked her because she was giving his new girlfriend grief about not wanting to wear the skirt the girlfriend picked out because it was to tight. She went on to tell me that her sister was in the room and the girlfriend stayed in the room as well for the spanking. My daughters had just met his girlfriend for the first time the day before. I examined my daughter and found a bruise in the shape of a finger on her back side. My daughter expressed to me that she was affraid to go back to her father's house. I went into automatic protection mode. The next day my daughters and I called their father on speaker phone. After he said 3 times that he did not spank her and she insisted every time that he did he finally admitted to the spanking. I have since then kept my daughters from him because I asked him to promise them that they would not be in trouble upon returning to him. And instead he promised me that they would for sure be in trouble. I fear for my daughters physical well being as well as their mental and emotional well being. I am torn about what to do. I firmly believe that my daughters need to have a relationship with their father and it is not my intention to stop that in any way. I am worried that the next spanking might be worse. The attorney that I had at the time of divorce was paid in the area of $7500.00. On October 20th 2005 he said he would come ack with me to court this month at no charge. Now that it is time to come back to court with me his is demanding another $500.00. I just don't have anymore money. All I want is the best for my daughters. These years are the most important years of their lives. This is the time that they learn how to conduct their lives as adults. I am trying to save my daughters from becoming unproductive adults. PLEASE HELP!!
P.S. The father called me today and threatened that when we get to court I will be arrested for a felony. Felony charges being that I am interfereing with the visitation of a child. How do I find someone/anyone to care enough about my innocent daughters and to help us?

 

[ceara19]

First and foremost, CALL THE POLICE AND CPS (child protective services). You should have done this on July 3rd. In some circumstances, CPS will assist you with getting an emergency order to protect the children. The fact that it has been 15 days since the incident occurred doesn't help your case.

Did you take pictures of the marks? Did you bring the child to the hospital or doctor's office?

Technically, you are in violation of the court order. You aren't going to be arrested for a felony or any other crime that may have occurred in this situation if you go to court though. Worst case scenario, you could be found guilty of violating the order and you get slapped on the wrist by the judge. As long as you can convince the judge that the child would be in physical danger at dad's house, you have nothing to worry about.

Either way, stopping the visitation is the right thing to do. If you didn't and your daughter was hurt again, you could be arrested right along with dad. Neglect and accessory charges are far worse charges than contempt.

You also need to find a way to come up with the $500. Beg, borrow, plead, have a garage sale, hock anything you own that has any value if you have to.

Here are the requirements and information about legal aid in your state.
http://www.legalexplorer.com/lawyer/lawyer-notafford.asp

 

[GrowUp!]

First and foremost, CALL THE POLICE AND CPS (child protective services). You should have done this on July 3rd. In some circumstances, CPS will assist you with getting an emergency order to protect the children. The fact that it has been 15 days since the incident occurred doesn't help your case.

Did you take pictures of the marks? Did you bring the child to the hospital or doctor's office?

Technically, you are in violation of the court order. You aren't going to be arrested for a felony or any other crime that may have occurred in this situation if you go to court though. Worst case scenario, you could be found guilty of violating the order and you get slapped on the wrist by the judge. As long as you can convince the judge that the child would be in physical danger at dad's house, you have nothing to worry about.

Either way, stopping the visitation is the right thing to do. If you didn't and your daughter was hurt again, you could be arrested right along with dad. Neglect and accessory charges are far worse charges than contempt.

You also need to find a way to come up with the $500. Beg, borrow, plead, have a garage sale, hock anything you own that has any value if you have to.

Here are the requirements and information about legal aid in your state.
http://www.legalexplorer.com/lawyer/lawyer-notafford.asp

I commend you for reading ALL of that. Once I saw it was one rambling paragraph, I didn't even bother.

 

[ceara19]

I commend you for reading ALL of that. Once I saw it was one rambling paragraph, I didn't even bother.

I just scanned it at first. But as soon as the words, bruises and underware jumped of the page, I decided to read the whole thing.

 

[stealth2]

However, I suspect that Mom likely DID NOT take photos or otherwise document the incident. Which means she has no proof. No proof, she's not likely to prevail in stopping visitation - and IS likely to be found in contempt. The CP doesn't get to unilaterally stop visitation like this. The child should have been taken to the doctor, CPS should have been called, and the legal process to suspend visitation should have been started two weeks ago.

 

[DesperateMommy]

I did call CPS both in MIlwaukee county and in Racine county. My call is documented. I did that the next morning after finding out about what happened. I unfortunately did not take a picture but have other wittness that saw the bruise. I was told by CPS that eventhough the bruise was not what they consider a serious injury if the child is affraid to return then I should not force her.

When I called the father to ask about what happened I did tape record the conversation. At first he says he didnt spank her and then when the kids get on the line he admits to the spanking. I also made an emergency appointment with the GAL within a few days of the incident. I brought the tape recording with me and he listened to it. He also documneted what happened. After talking to me he questioned the girls in a different room.

The racine county sheriffs office is also aware of me not returning the children. The problem is that no one will say to return the children or not to return them. My daughter said to me that if I send them back he will spank them again only this time he will make sure I dont see the bruise.

It is not my intention to violate any court order or to come between any visitation with the father. I believe that fathers are just as important in the lives of children as mothers are. At the same time I am very concerned about what will happen to them when they return. If it was an inappropriate spanking over a skirt what is the punishment going to be for telling me about this?

P.S. Sorry about the long run on paragraph in my previous post.

 

[stealth2]

The ONLY way you can legitimately keep the children from him is through a modification of your court order. Anything else is contempt.

 

[ceara19]

The ONLY way you can legitimately keep the children from him is through a modification of your court order. Anything else is contempt.

That's true, but there are some extreme situations where being in contempt of the family court order is a risk worth taking. Outside of explaining that it is a violation of the court order, I wouldn't recommend that any parent put their child in a situation where there is a good chance that they will be abused.

If, god forbid, the child is seriously injured or worse the next time mom sends her to dad's, the CRIMINAL court isn't going to give a damn about the family court order. If it comes out that mom KNEW about the child being abused and sends the child BACK, she can be charged right along with dad.

 

[Ohiogal]

Mom should file for a restraining order against dad for her children. Depending on how much time has elapsed. The ex parte order should go into effect immediately if mom can prove the bare minimum and then there would be a full hearing within two weeks. but the children would be safe for that amount of time and it would give her time to locate an attorney. Many courthouses have advocates for battered women who would be able to help mom secure a restraining order.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

I am going to make a different observation.

These parents were ordered a shared 50/50 parenting plan, all was fine until mom moves away and it becomes inconvenient for her and not only does dad not agree to change the schools to make it more convenient for her, but dad is moving on and has a girlfriend.

Mom begins looking for things to justify, modificaiton od their custody order, one which I suspect she was never happy with in the first place.

Granted dad allows mom more time in the summer without the extra commute to school, that is a concession even though OP tried to give it a different twist, it does save here at least one round trip and doesn't affect commute hours. It would appear that mom was hoping for somthting to happen to give her a significant reason to modify custody and bada boom, daughter is spanked, however it is not bad enough that she takes the child to the doctor which would put in place mandated reporting and CPS, instead she calls and they tell her they don't consider it serious, so she calls another CPS and is told the same. That is why no one, not even the GAL who will represent the children is telling her to deny dad his court ordered visitation and her attorney who had promised to perhaps represent her for free under some circumstance wants a retainer.

I doubt that a court would grant a restraining order under these circumstances. I looks like mom is trying to build a case for a custody change which could have been avoided by not moving or by not moving so far away, that is why everyone is stepping back and because her "evidence" is corrupted. Don't be surprised if dad doesn't demand a return to the original schedule and OP ends up doing all the driving for the distance she created.

 

[Ohiogal]

I am going to make a different observation.

These parents were ordered a shared 50/50 parenting plan, all was fine until mom moves away and it becomes inconvenient for her and not only does dad not agree to change the schools to make it more convenient for her, but dad is moving on and has a girlfriend.

Mom begins looking for things to justify, modificaiton od their custody order, one which I suspect she was never happy with in the first place.

Granted dad allows mom more time in the summer without the extra commute to school, that is a concession even though OP tried to give it a different twist, it does save here at least one round trip and doesn't affect commute hours. It would appear that mom was hoping for somthting to happen to give her a significant reason to modify custody and bada boom, daughter is spanked, however it is not bad enough that she takes the child to the doctor which would put in place mandated reporting and CPS, instead she calls and they tell her they don't consider it serious, so she calls another CPS and is told the same. That is why no one, not even the GAL who will represent the children is telling her to deny dad his court ordered visitation and her attorney who had promised to perhaps represent her for free under some circumstance wants a retainer.

I doubt that a court would grant a restraining order under these circumstances. I looks like mom is trying to build a case for a custody change which could have been avoided by not moving or by not moving so far away, that is why everyone is stepping back and because her "evidence" is corrupted. Don't be surprised if dad doesn't demand a return to the original schedule and OP ends up doing all the driving for the distance she created.

That is possible as well and if she went for a restraining order because she feels the chlidren are in danger and the magistrate doesn't find her credible that will hurt her case in any custody proceeding.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

In my experience, when a parent makes a charge of abuse but does not think the abuse warrants either documentation or medical attention, then the courts will also not consider it abuse.

This is a game. nothing more. And I would take the father's case in a heartbeat.

 

[rmet4nzkx]

That is possible as well and if she went for a restraining order because she feels the chlidren are in danger and the magistrate doesn't find her credible that will hurt her case in any custody proceeding.

You saw the same red flags too,

 

[Noelle_71]

In my experience, when a parent makes a charge of abuse but does not think the abuse warrants either documentation or medical attention, then the courts will also not consider it abuse.

This is a game. nothing more. And I would take the father's case in a heartbeat.

CPS and the GAL weren't documention? Would have been smarter to take pics..but don't you think that would have been enough?

 

[ceara19]

I am going to make a different observation.

These parents were ordered a shared 50/50 parenting plan, all was fine until mom moves away and it becomes inconvenient for her and not only does dad not agree to change the schools to make it more convenient for her, but dad is moving on and has a girlfriend.

Mom begins looking for things to justify, modificaiton od their custody order, one which I suspect she was never happy with in the first place.

Granted dad allows mom more time in the summer without the extra commute to school, that is a concession even though OP tried to give it a different twist, it does save here at least one round trip and doesn't affect commute hours. It would appear that mom was hoping for somthting to happen to give her a significant reason to modify custody and bada boom, daughter is spanked, however it is not bad enough that she takes the child to the doctor which would put in place mandated reporting and CPS, instead she calls and they tell her they don't consider it serious, so she calls another CPS and is told the same. That is why no one, not even the GAL who will represent the children is telling her to deny dad his court ordered visitation and her attorney who had promised to perhaps represent her for free under some circumstance wants a retainer.

I doubt that a court would grant a restraining order under these circumstances. I looks like mom is trying to build a case for a custody change which could have been avoided by not moving or by not moving so far away, that is why everyone is stepping back and because her "evidence" is corrupted. Don't be surprised if dad doesn't demand a return to the original schedule and OP ends up doing all the driving for the distance she created.

CPS, the sheriff's department, the GAL or a licensed attorney CAN'T tell her to deny visitation. They could lose their job if they advised her to break the law. CPS generally only "jumps" on a case if the child is CURRENTLY in danger of being harmed. Since the child was back with mom, the report is going to take a backseat to emergency cases. They are also going to be slower to act because this is one parent accusing the other. Many times, these types of cases turn out to be false.

I have no idea if the OP is being honest or not, no one here does. My advice is the same regardless of whether or not I believe her story. If she is telling the truth, she needs to do whatever it takes to protect her child, including denying dad's visitation until she can obtain a court order. If it turns out that she is lying, she will deserve the punishment she will receive for making false abuse claims against dad in order to deny his visitation.