DESPERATE (Military issue)

[NEED ADVISE]

What is the name of your state? NJ

We have our granddaughter living with us because my daughter is deployed in Iraq since December and due back this coming December. Our dilema is that her husband soon to be ex-husband is living in another state and we believe he will try to come and uproot the baby because he is angry about the upcoming divorce. The only legal documents we have is a medical power of attorney for the baby and a general power of attorney for our daughter. The reason the baby came to stay with us during the deployment is because there is no stability where the father is and he has bounced from job to job. The baby is in school over here and we have supplied everything she needs (not received anything from the father, nor have we asked him for anything). What can we do to insure that he does not try to take her for the next few months? Atleast not until my daughter is back. She is very well cared for here and needs nothing. We need to insure that my daughter has a clear head while at war and this gives her just a little less to stress about. I don't want to prevent him from seeing his daughter but I also am scared that he might take off with her. PLEASE HELP

 

[weenor]

Absent something really creative that someone else may know, that I don't, there is nothing you can do if he comes to get the child. You have no legal rights and he is the child's father. Quite frankly unless the man is dangerous, the child should be with him.

 

[NEED ADVISE]

ok Weenor let me get this straight.

You are saying although the child's father may not know where her next feeding is coming from that's where she should be?

Stability coupled with lots of love is necessary in a childs first years of life to give them atleast a head start but I guess that's not your opinion. My daughter is not hanging out or partying to prevent her responsibility as a mother - SHE IS FULFILLING THE DUTIES THE GOVERMENT HAS IMPOSED ON HER. So the least that she should have to worry about is if her child is being well cared for.

No the father is not dangerous but being irresponsible could also hurt a child. I have never prevented him from seeing her - HE HAS - he has my address and I have constantly offered to pay his plane ticket to come and visit.

Please keep this in mind when you state that "frankly the child should be with the father". Your not a father because you have the DNA. You become a father when you take up the responsibility that comes with being a parent.

 

[Zephyr]

ok Weenor let me get this straight.

You are saying although the child's father may not know where her next feeding is coming from that's where she should be?

maybe if he had his daughter with him he would be more responsible


Stability coupled with lots of love is necessary in a childs first years of life to give them atleast a head start but I guess that's not your opinion.

she stated the facts- not opinion


My daughter is not hanging out or partying to prevent her responsibility as a mother - SHE IS FULFILLING THE DUTIES THE GOVERMENT HAS IMPOSED ON HER.

no one forced her to join up- so she is fulfilling the duties she volunteered for


So the least that she should have to worry about is if her child is being well cared for.

No the father is not dangerous but being irresponsible could also hurt a child. I have never prevented him from seeing her - HE HAS - he has my address and I have constantly offered to pay his plane ticket to come and visit.

Please keep this in mind when you state that "frankly the child should be with the father". Your not a father because you have the DNA. You become a father when you take up the responsibility that comes with being a parent.

your question was answered by one of the better qualified people on the board- because you don't like the answer does not mean the law changes

 

[weenor]

ok Weenor let me get this straight.

The straight is that you have no legal rights. Mom slept with him and produced a child. It is THEIR child.

You are saying although the child's father may not know where her next feeding is coming from that's where she should be?

Bet you don't know that either and I'll be you can't prove it in court. The only way for that child to stay with you legally, is if dad consents or if your daughter comes back tomorrow files for divorce and emergency custody with no visitation for Dad and then gives the child to you. Dad's rights are to have his child and you or your daughter cannot take those rights away unless you PROVE he is physically dangerous to the child. Your judgment on his parenting skills is irrelevant.

Stability coupled with lots of love is necessary in a childs first years of life to give them atleast a head start but I guess that's not your opinion.

Irrelevant this has nothing to do with his rights as father.

My daughter is not hanging out or partying to prevent her responsibility as a mother - SHE IS FULFILLING THE DUTIES THE GOVERMENT HAS IMPOSED ON HER.

Also irrelevant because this has nothing to do with his rights as a father or your lack of rights as a grandparent.

So the least that she should have to worry about is if her child is being well cared for.

Again, in your opinion or hers...She should have thought of his parenting skills when she made the baby...too late now she'll have to live with her choice.

No the father is not dangerous but being irresponsible could also hurt a child.

Could**************.he has rights if he choses to exercise them.

I have never prevented him from seeing her - HE HAS - he has my address and I have constantly offered to pay his plane ticket to come and visit.

Please keep this in mind when you state that "frankly the child should be with the father". Your not a father because you have the DNA.

In your opinion. I don't disagree, but that is NOT the law. Again when your daughter chose to have the baby with this man, she made the decision to have him in her life to some degree for the next 18 years.

You become a father when you take up the responsibility that comes with being a parent.

Well your best bet is to hope that he doesn't push the issue, because he will be raising your granddaughter (until the mother returns and the issue of custody is taken up by the court ) if he takes this court.

 

[NEED ADVISE]

Well thank you so much Zephyr for clearing that all up.

Let me say that your answers were very insightfull.

In regards to "maybe if he had his daughter with him he would be more responsible" MAYBE DOES NOT CUT IT. If you have any grandchildren or children of your own - maybe you would be ok with MAYBE but when it comes to our kids (that includes our grandchild). They are the world to us and we don't take chances with their well being. If a person has not shown responsibility for two years you don't just throw a kid at them and say "be responsible"

"she stated the fact - not opinion" you might want to look up the law - I DO HAVE RIGHTS ACCORDING TO NJ and my daughter as a service member also has rights to decide.

AND ON THE LAST COMMENT "no one forced her to join" YOU ARE AN ******* for thinking you should say that coment to parent of a soldier who is fighting for your rights to be free in this country. If it was not for her and all the other soldiers WHO ARE FULFILLING THEIR DUTIES we would have mayhan going on in this country. SO SCREW YOU WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR COMMENTS regarding our service people.

PS: no question was answered - IT WAS AN OPINION. UNLESS weenor is the judge of all judges. Many judges have disagreed in cases where attorneys thought they had the case in the bag. WHEN FACTS ARE INTRODUCED INTO COURT THATS WHEN THE CASE GETS DECIDED.

 

[Zephyr]

Well thank you so much Zephyr for clearing that all up.

Let me say that your answers were very insightfull.

In regards to "maybe if he had his daughter with him he would be more responsible" MAYBE DOES NOT CUT IT. If you have any grandchildren or children of your own - maybe you would be ok with MAYBE but when it comes to our kids (that includes our grandchild). They are the world to us and we don't take chances with their well being. If a person has not shown responsibility for two years you don't just throw a kid at them and say "be responsible"

"she stated the fact - not opinion" you might want to look up the law - I DO HAVE RIGHTS ACCORDING TO NJ also my daughter as a service member also has rights to decide.

AND ON THE LAST COMMENT "no one forced her to join" YOU ARE AN ******* for thinking you should say that coment to parent of a soldier who is fighting for your rights to be free in this country. If it was not for her and all the other soldiers WHO ARE FULFILLING THEIR DUTIES we would have mayhan. SO SCREW YOU WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR COMMENTS regarding our service people.

PS: no question was answered - IT WAS AN OPINION. UNLESS weenor is the judge of all judges. Many judges have disagreed in cases where attorneys thought they had the case in the bag. WHEN FACTS ARE INTRODUCED INTO COURT THATS WHEN THE CASE GETS DECIDED.

lady, you need to get off your high fricking horse- my husband served extensively in the army- in several conflicts- so I am fully aware of the sacrifice it is- however- it IS a sacrifice made by choice- it does not get you a free pass to get one over on daddy

and I am sure you have a good idea of what I think you can do with your maybe....

dad's rights and moms rights and the rights of the child trump all others, including your very minimal rights.....if dad wants the child he will get the child until mom returns- regardless of what YOU think of his ability to be a father

 

[LdiJ]

Grandma, you truly don't understand the legalities of things.

Mom and dad are still married. Therefore the two of them have equal legal rights to the child. Therefore yes, dad could come and take the child from you at any time, and there is nothing that you can do to stop him.

A grandparent can only get custody of grandchildren if the grandparent can prove, with hard, cold evidence that both parents are legally unfit, or that one parent is legally unfit and the other parent is unable to care for the child. That kind of custody case is a time consuming one because the parent's constitutional rights must be carefully preserved.

It does not sound to me like you have any hard, cold evidence that dad is unfit by legal standards.

No grandparent has any automatic rights where their grandchildren are concerned.....not even in NJ.

And before you get hot under the collar with me, you should know that I am a grandparent of a 5 1/2 month old granddaughter whose daddy is unfortunately, and sadly, just become a lot worse than your grandchild's father.

 

[NEED ADVISE]

OK WEEENOR!

I guess now I understand why this board was free advice, you get what you pay for. I would love to know where you got your degree in because it is so assbackwards. I happen to talk with some REAL attorneys in NJ and your opinion (and that's all it was) is full of holes.

Mom sleep with her husband - not a stranger. Unfortnately, we don't know people are going to turn out to be irresponsible until they are thrown with some responsibilities. When it comes to her thoughts of HIS PARENTING SKILL - how the **** do you evaluate someone's skill for something they have not been yet? you are an idiot!!

You obviously did not understand my concerns because I was never intending nor suggesting to take away his "RIGHTS" and **** YOU for saying that he will be raising my granddaughter. AS IT STAND THEY CANNOT SERVE my daughter OVERSEAS SO THERE WOULD BE A STAY on any proceedings he starts, until her return. GO BACK AND READ THE LAW BOOKS BEFORE YOU GIVE OPINIONS. I've notice you spend alot of time on this site so you must be lacking on getting the up to date info.

Stability and love might be irrelevant in your book because you never got it from your parents or maybe you just don't know how to give it to your kids - hence you are on this board giving ****ty opinions, but in our home, we don't raise our kids like trailor park trash.

One of the reasons some of your f u c k i n g kids are all ****ed up is because you don't see the need for stability or common sence in addressing issues pertaining to accountability. My daughter is in IRAQ because SHE IS RESPONSIBLE - that she got caught up with one your relatives was not her fault - Unfortunately love was blind but THANKS GOD - SHE HAS SEEN THE LIGHT MUCH QUICKER THAN YOUR MOTHER DID.

you could respond but I will not be returning to this site, for I find it to be a waist of my time.

HAVE A NICE LIFE!!!!

P.S. You could also advice Zephyr to go back to the books, she-he, who cares, also has nothing to say

 

[Zephyr]

OK WEEENOR!

I guess now I understand why this board was free advice, you get what you pay for. I would love to know where you got your degree in because it is so assbackwards. I happen to talk with some REAL attorneys in NJ and your opinion (and that's all it was) is full of holes.

Mom sleep with her husband - not a stranger. Unfortnately, we don't know people are going to turn out to be irresponsible until they are thrown with some responsibilities. When it comes to her thoughts of HIS PARENTING SKILL - how the **** do you evaluate someone's skill for something they have not been yet? you are an idiot!!

You obviously did not understand my concerns because I was never intending nor suggesting to take away his "RIGHTS" and **** YOU for saying that he will be raising my granddaughter. AS IT STAND THEY CANNOT SERVE my daughter OVERSEAS SO THERE WOULD BE A STAY on any proceedings he starts, until her return. GO BACK AND READ THE LAW BOOKS BEFORE YOU GIVE OPINIONS. I've notice you spend alot of time on this site so you must be lacking on getting the up to date info.

Stability and love might be irrelevant in your book because you never got it from your parents or maybe you just don't know how to give it to your kids - hence you are on this board giving ****ty opinions, but in our home, we don't raise our kids like trailor park trash.

One of the reasons some of your f u c k i n g kids are all ****ed up is because you don't see the need for stability or common sence in addressing issues pertaining to accountability. My daughter is in IRAQ because SHE IS RESPONSIBLE - that she got caught up with one your relatives was not her fault - Unfortunately love was blind but THANKS GOD - SHE HAS SEEN THE LIGHT MUCH QUICKER THAN YOUR MOTHER DID.

you could respond but I will not be returning to this site, for I find it to be a waist of my time.

HAVE A NICE LIFE!!!!

P.S. You could also advice Zephyr to go back to the books, she-he, who cares, also has nothing to say

and dad would have the child if he wanted until mom returned- why is that so hard for you to get through your thick skull????

 

[Zephyr]

What can we do to insure that he does not try to take her for the next few months?

There is your question...

answer: what you have been doing up until now since it appears dad is ok with it...but there is nothing you can do through the courts

 

[NEED ADVISE]

Grandma, you truly don't understand the legalities of things.

Mom and dad are still married. Therefore the two of them have equal legal rights to the child. Therefore yes, dad could come and take the child from you at any time, and there is nothing that you can do to stop him.

A grandparent can only get custody of grandchildren if the grandparent can prove, with hard, cold evidence that both parents are legally unfit, or that one parent is legally unfit and the other parent is unable to care for the child. That kind of custody case is a time consuming one because the parent's constitutional rights must be carefully preserved.

It does not sound to me like you have any hard, cold evidence that dad is unfit by legal standards. (I DO, I JUST DIDNT FEEL LIKE SHARING)

No grandparent has any automatic rights where their grandchildren are concerned.....not even in NJ. (PLEASE TELL ME YOU ARE A JUDGE BECAUSE THAT IS WHO WOULD DECIDE THE CASE AND IT'S BEEN KNOWN TO GO IN DIRECTIONS NOONE EXPECTED)

And before you get hot under the collar with me, you should know that I am a grandparent of a 5 1/2 month old granddaughter whose daddy is unfortunately, and sadly, just become a lot worse than your grandchild's father.

(I'M NOT HOT UNDER THE COLLAR - BUT OBVIOUSLY THE TWO PREVIOUS MEMBERS DID NOT CHOOSE THEIR WORDS CAREFULLY OR WITH ANY KOOF) ONE MORE THING I NEVER SAID THE FATHER WAS NOT A GOOD PERSON - I JUST DON'T THINK THAT IT WOULD BE IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD TO BE CARED FOR SOMEONE WHO STILL HAS NOT GROWN UP - But then again - THAT would be to the judge to decide - even attorneys would not be the deciding factor here.

Good day!

 

[Zephyr]

what's koof? and where can I get some?

 

[LdiJ]

(I'M NOT HOT UNDER THE COLLAR - BUT OBVIOUSLY THE TWO PREVIOUS MEMBERS DID NOT CHOOSE THEIR WORDS CAREFULLY OR WITH ANY KOOF) ONE MORE THING I NEVER SAID THE FATHER WAS NOT A GOOD PERSON - I JUST DON'T THINK THAT IT WOULD BE IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD TO BE CARED FOR SOMEONE WHO STILL HAS NOT GROWN UP - But then again - THAT would be to the judge to decide - even attorneys would not be the deciding factor here.

Good day!

In that case, you wouldn't even have standing to sue for custody. Seriously, dad really can come and take the child from you at any time, and there is honestly nothing that you can do to stop him.

 

[LdiJ]

what's koof? and where can I get some?

I think she meant "couth"...but that's just a guess on my part.