Ok.. I'm going to tell you a story and then I'm done here because man you are NOT getting this.
When my husband and his ex split they agreed on the 50/50 (2 week/2week thing). She moved over a hour away and didn't exercise her 2 weeks but on paper that is how it was. A year later she moved back and they began following the court order.
Mom started juggling her own boyfriends, exposing the child this. When the child was four mom got engaged. Child swore to us that her mom was marrying boyfriend A, when in fact she was marrying boyfriend B. Nice huh?
(I came into the picture about 8 months before this)
When child began school rather than a custody battle as we lived a distance away we moved to where mom was living. The next few years went pretty decent because dad pretty much rolled over on the small issues and nothing major came into play.
In 2002 my husband became disabled. He went from making $55,000 a year to NOTHING for a full year until his social security was approved. We had to move from our home and bought a house that was supposed to be in the same elementary district as his daughter. We found out the day before we moved that in fact it wasn't and was in another elementary district. In order to maintain his custody I couldn't work full time days because I have to transport his daughter morning and evening. NOT to mention when mom and step-dad were working too.
Between Feb. 2001- Sept. 2004, mom filed for divorced 4 times from her husband but never stating anything other than she wasn't happy. Step-dad had even called here once stating how he was leaving because she was cheating on him... none of our business and daughter wasn't being neglected.
In July 2004 my husband went to his ex with a simple modification. He asked to transfer daughter to our school (seeing as she was here his two weeks and 2-3 days a week of mom's time), he asked to change the insurance requirements (in the original both parents were required to carry insurance, he could not do that being disabled), he asked for a move-away clause and a few other minor things. All SS monies his daughter had received had gone into an account in daughter and mom's name that had been there previously. My husband had believed this would be used as it should be but mom refused so he asked for half of it, leaving her the other half ($8,000 total). The largest thing was the school change. Mom agreed to everything. She then called that night saying "You mean to take this to court?" My husband told her yes and that it was just a formality. She convinced him she could be trusted and there was no need. Two days later she handed him a sealed envelope refusing to change the school in the upcoming year. She proceeded to do a few other things also.
Husband redid the modification and filed it in court. Nearly everything was STANDARD things. I also might add that the school we wanted the child to go to was only .8 miles from mom and we lived 4 miles from both schools, only one provided a bus to.
While in court several issues were brought. My husband mentioned how mom CONTINUALLY puts the child in sports without consulting him and that he disagreed with some as his daughters school work was starting to fail and she was having behavior problems. He had the behavior reports from school to back him up. Judge told him it was none of his business. Judge told him mom couldn't force him to take her on his time and what she did on her time was her business.
He mentioned she had retained a babysitter. He was not arguing the fact she had one as he agreed that if mom was going to be at work a few more hours after school a babysitter was a good idea as it saved us extra trips to town. What he did argue is that he was made aware of this person through his daughter and had no idea who she was. Again, Judge told him, none of his business.
He argued that when she left town and went on vacation that not only did she not allow him to know, she didn't even allow her sister or mother to know (who we know and keep in touch with) to allow there to be some way to get in touch in case of emergency. This came about because she e-mailed him one day stating she was going on vacation and that he could call her cell phone but she wasn't sure that it would work, of which it didn't we later found out.
The judge refused to put specific times for pick up and drop off. He refused the move away clause, he did grant the insurance, and instead issuing each parent could alternate tax years (long story on how their original was) he ordered mom could claim her every single year. And, oh yeah, refused to change the school, even though he himself was surprised that our house wasn't in that district and understood why we were told it was. The only things he even ordered was the tax issue (against him), the insurance, and that mom could keep half the money in the account from SS (she had given half to him but during all the prep he had decided to try for all based on other things she'd done... like going to SS and making herself the payee).
He told my husband that he had too much time on his hands and repeatedly told him what went on in mom's home was "NONE" of his business. He also repeatedly said "If you guys can't get along then someone needs to file for full custody." Now, I realize this is what you think you are going to file for. My point is that we had over 100 pieces of evidence proving the things going on in mom's home and her actions, my husband had EVERY single answer that judge asked at the tip of his fingers. When that judge asked him what teacher his daughter had that year and previous years, he rattled them off, as well as teachers our sons had in previous years.
The judge did remind my husband (not that he already knew) that he could file for child support against mom. But again, repeatedly said if they couldn't agree someone should file for custody. Mom got EVERY SINGLE thing she wanted, he wouldn't even change the school, do you really think that judge would have given him custody? Other than the school and the SS money EVERY thing in that modification was STANDARD and my husband walked out of there with less than he had when he walked in.
To top all of this off, mom went to court with her husband. Well, at least we thought it was her husband. They were there together, they were holding hands, nothing seemed unusual. Four days later her husband moved out, they had been divorced for over two months already! They never went in front of a judge, however, the judge we saw was the judge that signed off on her divorce. My husband had even been in there arguing the point that mom had two drivers in her household compared to the one in ours and there she was divorced, KNOWING he was moving out.
Husband moved out on Tuesday, boyfriend moved in on Wednesday. He lasted 4 months and now he's gone. Do you really think my husband thinks THIS is morally right? HELL NO. He's worked with his daughter to help her work through her feelings on it.
If he were to file for custody and won he wouldn't be able to prevent what goes on in mom's house, it would continue but his daughter would see less of it yes. But then that grass looks greener. My husband is not willing to risk taking it to court and losing and then his daughter be exposed to it FULL TIME.
Custody battles are a crap shoot and the fact that you are a man works against you the second you step foot in that courtroom.
The stuff you have mentioned here is not going to be enough to change custody to you and it's too big of a risk in my opinion.
