Discipline of a child

[Rochelle]

My husband has a first grader with his ex. Ever since she started kindegarten, there has been an ongoing behavior problem. His ex refuses to spank her, saying that she prefers to reward her good behavior instead of acknowledging the bad. She also asked him to spank the child on his weekends with her for any bad behavior at school. He refused, saying this was not fair to either he or the child. They have had to move the child, desk and all into the hall because she disrupted class. She stabbed another child's lunch with her pencil, pushes kids down in the cafteria, steals, and throw tantrums. My husband talked to the teacher and said if she would call him as soon as this started, he works 5 minutes away and would come to the school and spank her. The mother told the teacher that SHE was the only one the teacher could call. They have joint legal custody, by the way. My husband has tried to suggest therapy but the mother gets angry. She also said if he went to the school and spanked the child she would call the cops and report child abuse. The teacher has told them both that she can not tolerate this child's behavior. SHe has been tested for ADD and all that, but she was fine. We live in MS. Is spanking, and I mean a pop or two on the fanny not a beating, considered child abuse? The teacher said somedays the kid is an angel, but if she is in a bad mood, it is going to be a difficult day.

 

[MySonsMom]

I'm not going to comment on your husbands decision to run to the school and spank her. But, in this world today; you can still spank a child for discipline reasons. But there is a fine line when choosing this alternative.

 

[glp9986]

Well, if giving a child a smack on the fanny is child abuse, then God knows I was abused as a kid. Personally, I believe in the biblical quote of not sparing the rod and spoiling the child. I know there will plenty of people out there who are going to get all bent out of shape, but that's my opinion, and if you choose not to spank, then don't spank. I believe if you don't spank now and then, your kid is going to be some of those I see in shopping malls and so forth, being holy terrors because their parents believe in "talking and reasoning." That only works when the child is at a "reasoning" age. Anyway, if your husband is worried he'll be "reported" for child abuse, see if the ex will let him come to her home and do it after the child gets home from school. For the kid's sake, they are going to have to form a unified front and agree on discipline. Otherwise, have him call the chief of the police department in the county or city where the school is and talk to him. If the Chief is aware of what is going on, then he'll be less likely to be slapped with a child abuse charge. And that advice comes from my next door neighbor who is the chief of police in our city.

 

[SLIPPERYSOAP]

OK, Im sorry but I have to say this. In my humble opinion the term spare the rod spoil the child has been used in defeance of people who want to spank their kids a little too much.
Picture for a minute Jesus walking a herd of sheep to a meadow. One little lamb starts acting up running off to the side and such. Can you see Jesus knocking the little lamb on the rear end to hurt it in trying to get its attention? Or is it easier to see Jesus using the rod to guild the lamb back into the fold? I am no Bible scholar, and I know plenty of people will disagree with me, but I have found no scripture that says it is OK to hurt kids. Spankings hurt, and are wrong. I was spanked by my mother 3 or 4 times in my whole life. She stopped doing it when I was 2 she doesn't agree with spanking and didn't know any other way at the time. She learned other ways of desipline like time outs. I listened to her and obeyed her. I do not hit my kids now, and I will not hit them. I have a toddler and a school age child. They both listen to me, and do what I ask them to do. If they don't they have time outs. You have to be a strong person not to hit a child, it is much easier to spank and call it done.

 

[glp9986]

As I said, it is your right to not spank or to spank. If time outs work, go for it. If totally depends on the nature of the child. For my son, they never worked. Not sitting in a corner, not being sent to his room, not being sent to bed. And spanking is a swat on the bottom, not using a belt or a stick or some other object. And not everything calls for a spanking. And the question asked was if spanking is child abuse. The answer is No, not if it IS just a spanking and for disciplinary reasons. I don't think she was asking for a bunch of opinions on if he should spank or not. If this is how they choose to handle it, then that's their right; it's THEIR child not ours. And his ex ASKED him to spank the child, so it's not against her wishes. I am not slamming them or you or anyone else. That's something I leave for other people.

 

[glp9986]

Oh, and there is a scripture about hurting a child. It says that it is better to be wrapped in chains and thrown into the deepest part of the ocean than to cause harm to a child. That's not an exact quote and I can not remember which verse it is; I can never remember books and chapters.
God does not intend that we beat or abuse children; but neither does He frown on discipline done with love and the only intention is train the child to be a morally sound adult. The way we discipline He leaves to us, but that scripture about not sparing the rod was meant as a warning against letting our love for our children keep us from teaching them right from wrong. I've heard people call their kids horrible names and make them cry, and while they never laid a hand on them physically, the emotional wounds were horrible. It's people like that who don't have a clue how to discipline.