Divorce,Adultery Papers

[caattss]

After 20 yrs of marriage and violence and adulterous affairs(on my spouses side he threw me out of the house 6months ago.) He attacked me on 3 occasions, I retained a exparte. Two days ago I dropped it so he wouldnt go to jail. He has since been stalking me again and recently broke into my vehicle here at work. He wants me to sign some kind of adultery paperwork so the divorce can be expedited in 40 days. I am in the state of Maryland and I wanted a divorce 6 months ago after years of mental emotional and pysical abuse. He is active duty army 18 years of service and I have been with him the whole 18 years. He has badgered me into giving up custody of my son who is 17(haha) and signing off everything to him! Even though he threw me out! If I sign adultery papers to get this over with,, what kind of repercussions will this have on me? I have nothing! He has it all including my son! Please help if you can,, Im at my wits end.

 

[LegalBeagle]

After 20 yrs of marriage and violence and adulterous affairs(on my spouses side he threw me out of the house 6months ago.) He attacked me on 3 occasions, I retained a exparte. Two days ago I dropped it so he wouldnt go to jail.

So, 20 years of a bad marriage and violence towards you and you drop an order so as to stop him going to jail ? Where exactly was the logic in that ?


He has since been stalking me again and recently broke into my vehicle here at work. He wants me to sign some kind of adultery paperwork so the divorce can be expedited in 40 days. I am in the state of Maryland and I wanted a divorce 6 months ago after years of mental emotional and pysical abuse. He is active duty army 18 years of service and I have been with him the whole 18 years. He has badgered me into giving up custody of my son who is 17(haha) and signing off everything to him! Even though he threw me out! If I sign adultery papers to get this over with,, what kind of repercussions will this have on me? I have nothing! He has it all including my son! Please help if you can,, Im at my wits end.


What is he wanting you to sign ? That he did or did not have an afrair.. or is he claiming you have ?

I suggest you retain an attorney because he should be ordered to pay you support and certainly part of any pension / assets he has.

 

[caattss]

I understand that to retain a lawyer but I cannot afford it and have embarrased myself at the womans shelter by dropping the exparte. He wants me to sign the adultery papers so he can have a quick divorce. I want to know what would happen to me, if I did? Just to get this overwith! Im in Maryland. Will I have to pay him anything? Will I be punished even though I havent done anything? I want to do it but am still scared of what it would do to me.

 

[mommyo3]

By your signing something saying that you had an affair is just giving this man more control over your life. HE wants YOU to say that YOU committed adultery so that he can have a QUICK divorce? Forget that, I am going to be blunt here when I say this and please don't be offended.....Get a backbone and stand up to this ******* once and for all. If you have to go to another shelter in another town do it, if you don't want to go to the one that you are embarrased to go to. But don't let this idiot control your life anymore! Has he not put you through enough hell already?

 

[LegalBeagle]

What would you rather be, embarrased or broken ?

The womens shelter has seen this before and it probably came as no surprise. You made a very stupid mistake, but it is not the end of the world.

Have you contacted his commanding officer and explain what this man is doing to you ?? They take this stuff every seriously.

 

[caattss]

Yes I have gone to his commanding officer

I have tried throughout his career to go to them(commanders). Their answere? " This is a personal matter as long as his work ethic is not effected there is nothing we can do!!!! "You are both grown adults take care of it!!" It has always been covered up so he always gets away with it. This has been through 4 different military commanders and JAG does not help the spouses, only the active duty member!! No they dont take it seriously as long as his dutys are performed. He is now a army recruiting commander himself!!! He has made it through his military career with nothing happening to him because the army has covered it for him!!

 

[lildevil719]

okay...I just wanted to let you know that the military does take emotional and physical abuse very seriously. I have seen three men get busted down for calling their wives a *itch once. are you going to the commanding officer or to whoever is directly above him? If you go to the person directly above him, rather than the commanding officer, you'll get more attention, and something should get done...The commanding officer has so much stuff to do and to deal with that he is just fobbing you off to save time. Next time he lays a hand on you, call the police and have him arrested...DO NOT drop it to keep him out of jail. If you have a police report showing that you followed through, his superiors will HAVE to take action, they do not have a choice. I know this sounds kind of harsh, but the only way this is going to stop for you is if you stand up and tell him you won't take it anymore. I hope this at least helps a bit

 

[caattss]

Yes I did go directly above his head!

I have lived the military life for 37 years! I know who to go to and I tried all aavenues. Dont think that everything is always on the up and up in the military! There are so many things that are covered up and that military spouses and civilians DONT know about! I know that you are only trying to help but please dont insult my intelligence. I have gone through it all. THEY HAVE COVERED IT ALL UP!!! Everyone from the station commander ie Staff seargent when he was a E-5,, to the Leiutenant to the Col.! I have even considered going on tv to tell about the some things are covered up. Not all things all the time but 75% of what goes on is!!!Everything from dui's to incest, to spouse abuse to suicides!!! Its not all hunkydorey! When you get out of it you are looked at as the crazy one and the poor spouse who could not take quote unquote "normal military dealings". Its a whole nother world and dont make waves or you'll get me in trouble says the active duty member. Actually I'd just like an answere to my question,. I dont have the money for a lawyer and I want to get this over with. I'm actually leaving the country to get away from him!! Any legal advice out there?

 

[LegalBeagle]

I am not sure what you want to hear.. you dropped an order that was protecting you.. now he wants you to state you committed adultery. You can not afford an attorney but can afford to leave the country.. The advice is not to sign the paper.

 

[caattss]

No I do not have the money to leave the country. I will be quiting my job to earn my keep by being a crew member on a sailing vessel, till I get to the islands. There I will live aboard ship till I get a job on land. I have traveled with the military so I have a passport and know the requirements of work visas and and where to obtain info on other places. Thankyou for your advice and I did not want to sign the papers and I'm not going to. I feel I must leave and start a new life away from him. He has told me he would always make my life hell and as long as I'm in the same place he will. Thankyou so much.