Divorce/Child Custody advice needed

[kcei25]

I am a 25-year old, married, mother of 1 (a 2-year old boy) living in Texas. My husband is in the National Guard and just went overseas to Iraq. I have found out, with some evidence, that I believe he is having an affair (again) with a woman in his unit that is still here in the states but that he has worked with since taking a fulltime position with the aromory about a year ago. The evidence that I have was enough to convince me. At this point, all I have is several emails from this woman to my husband and although none come right out and say 'we are having sex', they all point in that direction. There is also a mention in these emails about some nude pictures she has had taken for him. The pictures are not available yet, but it is possible I could gain access to them at some point in the near future.

I am in the near future going to be seeking a divorce. However, I am trying to get more evidence against him and this woman for future reference. My main concern is that when I pursue a divorce is that my husband will try to get full custody of my son or somehow make it impossible for me to leave the county I am currently living in. I don't see any reason why I would have my custody taken away from me, but I am also wanting to move home to my family in south Texas when this is over with and I am afraid he will try to get a lawyer and make that impossible for me. Is there a way that he could somehow make the judge rule that I had to stay in the county we live in or not be able to move away with my son, even if we have joint custody? And if I had enough evidence to prove he is having this affair, would that help my case any? I am just trying to get as much advice and information on this before I get a lawyer becuase I dont want to go into this not knowin ganything and want to make sure I am still able to have my son and live my life, where I want to.

 

[Ohiogal]

YOu are not going to get a divorce while he is overseas. Move home to your family now and then file for divorce when he comes back.

 

[mistoffolees]

I am in the near future going to be seeking a divorce. However, I am trying to get more evidence against him and this woman for future reference. My main concern is that when I pursue a divorce is that my husband will try to get full custody of my son or somehow make it impossible for me to leave the county I am currently living in. I don't see any reason why I would have my custody taken away from me, but I am also wanting to move home to my family in south Texas when this is over with and I am afraid he will try to get a lawyer and make that impossible for me. Is there a way that he could somehow make the judge rule that I had to stay in the county we live in or not be able to move away with my son, even if we have joint custody? And if I had enough evidence to prove he is having this affair, would that help my case any? I am just trying to get as much advice and information on this before I get a lawyer becuase I dont want to go into this not knowin ganything and want to make sure I am still able to have my son and live my life, where I want to.

Even if you can PROVE adultery (be very careful - is it legal for you to collect evidence via whatever method you've been using?) in a legal sense, it is not likely to affect custody. It may affect separation of assets in TX, but probably not custody. OTOH, unless there's more to the story than you've presented, he's not going to get full custody, either.

The judge can most certainly order that the child remain in the same county even if you were given full custody - and they often do. If your husband wants to fight you over custody and where you are going to be allowed to live, it could get drawn out for a long time with uncertain results. If you publicly accuse him of adultery and try to use that as a battering ram, it may push him into a battle.

In all likelihood, your best bet is to convince the judge (and, ideally, your stbx) that it's best for the child to be somewhere near extended family - particularly since the father is deployed overseas. It seems to me that this is a stronger argument than throwing stones at your husband, but I would encourage you to talk with an attorney about it.

It is quite possible to have joint legal custody while you still having primary physical custody and that is easier for many people to accept. If you have joint legal custody, you can still move if the court and/or your stbx agree. Trying to get full legal custody is more difficult and more expensive and more likely to get you a fight.

But, as has already been pointed out, you're not going to be able to get a divorce when he's overseas. You MIGHT be able to move closer to your family in the interim, but talk with the attorney first.