Divorce Court Order

[brighteyes]

My brother's divorce was finalized in Missouri Dec 99. I have several questions, but I will start off with my most curious question. Who is responsible for carrying out a court order? My brother has been told that he has to hire lawyer and go back to court before the order will be carried out. Is this how our justice system works?

My brother was granted permanent sole custody of his daughter. His ex-wife failed the drug test at the time of the custody hearing. Due to this, her visitation is supervised for 4 hours, 26 days a year. The judge also ordered her to go to a drug rehab and do random drug testing. Plus, the judge ordered her to pay for the drug test at that time. She is also responsible for all future drug testing. She hasn't made any effort to do what the judge has ordered her to do.

I'm one of the choosen supervisor's. I've observed and made notes of every visitation. I've seen the mood swings. She is usually real hyper when she starts her visit and pretty irritable by the time it is over. My opinion, I don't think she has stopped using the drugs. My main concern is whether or not this visitation is in the best interest of my niece.

My niece doesn't understand why her mom doesn't spend more time with her. She doesn't even take the time to call her on the phone. Her birthday just passed-nothing, not even a card. How do you explain this to a little six year old?

She is also quite a bit behind on her child support and keeps getting further behind. She changed jobs and didn't notify child support. Three months later, the payments have started again. Her place of employment is taking her child support out, but not the full amount each month. What should my brother do about it? He has talked to the several people at the child support office. They told him to be happy that she is making effort to pay something. Her monthly payment is only $168.00. Let's get real here. That doesn't pay for diddle.

My next question.....She was ordered to pay half of all medical and dental expenses. She has made payment arrangements with my niece's dental office. She was suppose to pay $10.00 a month. She made one payment of $10 on a $80.00 (her portion) bill in eight months. Finally, the office called my brother and told him the bill had to be paid in full before she could come back there. My niece went back a few months ago. The office sent her another bill. She has made no effort to make payments on it. Now, he has to pay the bill himself. He already pays for all her medical and dental insurance. How does he make her pay her half of the bills? Her excuse is she has no money. She is going to do things her way. Well, her way isn't working!!

I really appreciate any knowledge and help.

Thank you,

brighteyes

 

[lildevil719]

you'll want to check this with an attorney, but I believe that any expenses incurred before the divorce was finalized that are itemized in the divorce papers are her responsibility and therefore, your brother does not have to pay them, nor can the doctor ask him to if he shows them the papers. Anything that occured after the divorce is his responsibility, though...Like I said, chack this with an attorney...most cities have legal advice lines where you can call up and ask a question like that for free...you might want to see if you can find one of these and ask them.

 

[brighteyes]

Divorce-court order

you'll want to check this with an attorney, but I believe that any expenses incurred before the divorce was finalized that are itemized in the divorce papers are her responsibility and therefore, your brother does not have to pay them, nor can the doctor ask him to if he shows them the papers. Anything that occured after the divorce is his responsibility, though...Like I said, chack this with an attorney...most cities have legal advice lines where you can call up and ask a question like that for free...you might want to see if you can find one of these and ask them.

Thank you for your response. I appreciate your help.

My brother had to pay in advance for her initial drug test at the custody hearing. Since she failed it, the judge put an judgement against her to pay my brother back. Which she hasn't done.

The doctor's office has copies of the court order. They hold my brother responsible for only 50% of my niece's bills. The problem is that she can only return if the bill is paid in full. Therefore, he has to pay her share too.

My brother likes the doctor and wants my niece to able to keep seeing him. There has to be something he can do to make her pay her share. He shouldn't have to go to court every time his daughter needs to go to the dentist or see a medical doctor. It doesn't seem right that he would have to hire a lawyer and pay more fees to get the judge to carry out the original order.

 

[Tigres]

Your brother needs to compare the costs of enforcing this with the costs of letting it go.

To enforce this, I would generally recommend an attorney, but he could get by with a paralegal to help with the paperwork. (If this becomes about custody, etc. he will want to get an attorney. The plus side being, he might get attorney's fees back.)

Your brother needs to document exactly when & what was paid. He needs to have documents PROVING everything.

Then he needs to go to court and ask the judge to find her in contempt and MAKE her pay.

Likely, she'll pay a bit more for a few months and then he will be on his own again.

BUT, being in contempt of court will not give her much negotiating strength when he decides that he's had enough of her being high when she picks the child up. Then, he insists on another drug test and when it comes back positive, that she be tested on a regular basis or can not visit. Will he get it? Ah, he should, but sometimes things don't work right... There is no reason he should have to entrust his child into the care of someone whose is mentally impaired during the visit.

Tig

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[brighteyes]

Tig,

Thanks for your response. I really appreciate your advice.

My brother has a notebook he documents everything that occurs. He also keeps all the receipt copies for payments he makes on her share. The doctors offices gives him a statement that gives a breakdown of who owes what and who makes a payment. They have been very helpful.

As of right now, the order states her visitation is supervised. She can't drive her vehicle with my niece in the car. My mother or myself has to be with her at all times and we have to drive our vehicles if we go anywhere.

It's soon going to be a year since the divorce. Is there a limit as to how much time we have to allow her to pull her head out? If she was serious about being with her daughter, wouldn't she do what the judge ordered? I would think she would get into rehab and get some help.

I agreed to do the supervised visits as a tempory thing. I'm not prepared to do it until my niece is 18 (12 more years). I keep notes of each visit. I keep trying to convince myself that I'm doing it for my niece. The big question is Am I doing the right thing? I feel that she needs a mother that is stable-not a drug abuser. I think she needs to clean her act up, if she wants her visitations. I also worry about the effect it would have on my niece if she couldn't see her mom. I don't know what would be worse.

If anyone has any input, please advise.

Thank you,

brighteyes

 

[ursula]

you are in a terrible situation. I understand because i have had to demand supervised visitation for my son. (even though his father has never excercised it) I wonder which is worse not ever seeing his dad or being around the kind of person he is. The conclusion that i have come up with is that its better for a childs self image to see the other parent. At least they may not feel completely abandoned.
In your case however maybe denying visitation for awhile might be the encouragement this woman needs to get her act together. This would benefit her and your niece. She deserves a mother with a clear head. Keep in mind, im just another person on hear seeking advice for myself. good luck.

 

[brighteyes]

Supervised visitation

Ursula,

Thanks for your opinion. I have to agree with ya. My niece is still trying to cope and understand why her parents divorced. I think if her visitation is temporially denied, my niece would blame her father and myself.

We have tried to keep conversations positive regarding her mother. I believe she is too young to be told all the reasons why her mom left. I think it would be devastating to my niece to not have her visitation with her mom at this point.

The only family my ex-sister-in-law has is her mother and my niece. Her mother will have to be put into a nursing home soon. She has Parkinson's disease. She hasn't helped her mother with any caretaking. We were hoping this might help give her a wake-up call. I really don't know what will.

I guess the best way to look at the situation is my niece is happy seeing her mother. We will keep the visits as it stands unless something out of line happens. The good thing is we are there to watch over the situation.

Thanks again,
Brighteyes

 

[Charles Schafman]

I have been through this system of justice and it does not work the way one would like. You will spend more time keeping records, talking to lawyers, getting billed, and aggravation.(there is a price on that.) My suggestion, is just this, your brother will teach his child that he is a gentleman. If he truly wants to get on with his life, don't count on any help from anyone,except from his family.(blood related)That's the way it is! $168.00 a month, and you have to beg and claw and fight the court? I would say if he forgets the ex-wife's money, moves on, he will be better off.

 

[cat2young]

child support

I have to tell you that the last poster is right. He must move on as much as he can. 168.00 is one dollar MORE than I have gotten in the last six months for two children!! Your brother can take her to court for contempt for not following the court orders but depending on the judge and her fear of jail this may be a lot or a little help. Not to say he shouldn't, I have done this myself several times. The 167.00 that he paid this week is only because we have another contempt hearing next week. But don't think it will "cure" everything.
Good Luck

 

[brighteyes]

Divorce Court/Child Support

Charles & Cat,

Thanks for your input. I have to agree with both of you. The little bit of money the ex pays isn't worth the aggravation to my brother. I was raised to be a responsible person. I don't understand how a parent can just shug off their duty and responsibility to a child. It amazes me.

The ex called this weekend. She wants to start spending more time with my niece. She said she wants her and my brother to commmunicate better and get a long. I difinately agree with the need to communicate better. I think he shouldn't take her too seriously until she cleans up her act. I feel she needs to do her rehab first and prove herself before any extra visits take place.

Thanks again,

Brighteyes