Divorce is almost here, stuck....

[Cassie2017]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

I told my husband I wanted a divorce about a year ago.
For the next 6 months, we lived together in the house we bought together 7 years prior since we have 3 children. We wanted to keep their routine going until we figured out another plan. The house was large enough to accommodate that and our schedules were opposite so it worked out well. He makes $90,000+ a year, as I was an at home mother and had a side business I ran from home while raising our children while I supported him building his career.

At around the six month mark, we decided I would move out since I wouldn't be able to afford to pay the mortgage and care for the large, expensive house by myself. I was offered a free place to stay until I could figure out a more permanent solution, albeit 3 hours away which isnt ideal but its only temporary.(It is in the separation agreement that he knows I am living out of state until I can figure out a better solution and that he is ok with the kids coming over to stay and potentially live.)
We have joint custody and every week for the last 6 months I have been driving there and we have been splitting the week with the kids.
We also decided that the kids would stay in the house until they were done with this school year as to not interrupt their lives and when summer came, we would have things figured out by then. We agreed that we would assess the situation when the time came and let the kids decide where they would like to go.
Its very important to us that we show them that their parents dont fight (which we dont) and showing them that we are communicating with each other and we care for them deeply, they have 2 parents they love them.

Here is my current issue, when I left, I didnt want to go through the typical divorce heart ache, dividing assets, etc.
I figured since it was my choice to leave him (on the outside he seems like a great guy but it came down to emotional abuse and some other very personal problems that my family never knew about. This was only towards me in private, not to the children, hes a great father.)
So I left with no more than a car load of items, The house we bought together and everything in it. For over 14 years we worked together to build this home for our family. Now while Im not materialistic, these last 6 months have opened my eyes tremendously. Im preparing for the children to move in with me for the summer and even though I work full time, Im barely making ends meet. I dont have anything of value, I calculated my income and I could go on food stamps (with the children there.) In the beginning, we decided that we wouldnt "pay child support" we would just take care of them when either one of us has them. I thought 6 months would be enough time for me to get a better paying job, the field Im in, its looked at as an honorable job, but the pay does NOT reflect that. I have no other "skills."

Im now wondering if I did the right thing, with the official divorce within 2 weeks from now Im getting nervous, I just want the kids to be secure and I wanted to be able to provide for them. Im thinking maybe it would have been better to have talked about selling the house so we each had some cash to put down on a place for each of us?

I just wanted out of this emotionally abusive relationship and I think I jumped the gun. My family also isnt helping at the moment, they think I just abandoned my family. This hurts tremendously and I just dont know what to do.

Any advice would be truly appreciated. Thank you.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Massachusetts

I told my husband I wanted a divorce about a year ago.
For the next 6 months, we lived together in the house we bought together 7 years prior since we have 3 children. We wanted to keep their routine going until we figured out another plan. The house was large enough to accommodate that and our schedules were opposite so it worked out well. He makes $90,000+ a year, as I was an at home mother and had a side business I ran from home while raising our children while I supported him building his career.

At around the six month mark, we decided I would move out since I wouldn't be able to afford to pay the mortgage and care for the large, expensive house by myself. I was offered a free place to stay until I could figure out a more permanent solution, albeit 3 hours away which isnt ideal but its only temporary.(It is in the separation agreement that he knows I am living out of state until I can figure out a better solution and that he is ok with the kids coming over to stay and potentially live.)
We have joint custody and every week for the last 6 months I have been driving there and we have been splitting the week with the kids.
We also decided that the kids would stay in the house until they were done with this school year as to not interrupt their lives and when summer came, we would have things figured out by then. We agreed that we would assess the situation when the time came and let the kids decide where they would like to go.
Its very important to us that we show them that their parents dont fight (which we dont) and showing them that we are communicating with each other and we care for them deeply, they have 2 parents they love them.

Here is my current issue, when I left, I didnt want to go through the typical divorce heart ache, dividing assets, etc.
I figured since it was my choice to leave him (on the outside he seems like a great guy but it came down to emotional abuse and some other very personal problems that my family never knew about. This was only towards me in private, not to the children, hes a great father.)
So I left with no more than a car load of items, The house we bought together and everything in it. For over 14 years we worked together to build this home for our family. Now while Im not materialistic, these last 6 months have opened my eyes tremendously. Im preparing for the children to move in with me for the summer and even though I work full time, Im barely making ends meet. I dont have anything of value, I calculated my income and I could go on food stamps (with the children there.) In the beginning, we decided that we wouldnt "pay child support" we would just take care of them when either one of us has them. I thought 6 months would be enough time for me to get a better paying job, the field Im in, its looked at as an honorable job, but the pay does NOT reflect that. I have no other "skills."

Im now wondering if I did the right thing, with the official divorce within 2 weeks from now Im getting nervous, I just want the kids to be secure and I wanted to be able to provide for them. Im thinking maybe it would have been better to have talked about selling the house so we each had some cash to put down on a place for each of us?

I just wanted out of this emotionally abusive relationship and I think I jumped the gun. My family also isnt helping at the moment, they think I just abandoned my family. This hurts tremendously and I just dont know what to do.

Any advice would be truly appreciated. Thank you.

Your only hope of changing anything at this late date would be to get an immediate consult with an attorney. You won't be able to do so until Wednesday probably, but ASAP.

However, he is likely to fight you for the children at that point. Did you sign the house over to him?

 

[Cassie2017]

Your only hope of changing anything at this late date would be to get an immediate consult with an attorney. You won't be able to do so until Wednesday probably, but ASAP.

However, he is likely to fight you for the children at that point. Did you sign the house over to him?

EVERYTHING was in his name, we spent years building his credit and buying everything in HIS name.

The thing is, I dont think he would fight me on anything, If I approached him. But Im not sure what Im "entitled to" if anything.
He wouldnt use the kids against me, he knows Im a good mother and wouldnt put distance between me and them.

 

[LdiJ]

EVERYTHING was in his name, we spent years building his credit and buying everything in HIS name.

The thing is, I dont think he would fight me on anything, If I approached him. But Im not sure what Im "entitled to" if anything.
He wouldnt use the kids against me, he knows Im a good mother and wouldnt put distance between me and them.

You are entitled to 1/2 of the equity in the home, 1/2 of any retirement accounts that accrued during the marriage, 1/2 of any other assets accrued during the marriage. You would also be responsible for 1/2 of any non-secured debt that accrued during the marriage. Secured debt goes to whomever keeps the asset.

If the children are to live with you, then you would also be entitled to child support.

I am quite sure that he is being very friendly and accommodating right now, because you are basically rolling over and playing dead. However, that could very well change once he realizes that the divorce is going to impact his wallet.

 

[cbg]

FYI, MA is an equitable division state - NOT a 50/50 property division state.

 

[Just Blue]

FYI, MA is an equitable division state - NOT a 50/50 property division state.

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