Divorce question

[Jeffc73]

I live in Texas. I have been married 28 years. My wife refuses to work after several years despite being perfectly able. She refuses to help with finances. She treats money like
It is unlimited and believes that if I divorce her she will hit the lottery with getting half of my retirement. I cannot afford to move out as all of my money goes to the current household. I am not sure if divorce would be the best option.

 

[quincy]

I live in Texas. I have been married 28 years. My wife refuses to work after several years despite being perfectly able. She refuses to help with finances. She treats money like
It is unlimited and believes that if I divorce her she will hit the lottery with getting half of my retirement. I cannot afford to move out as all of my money goes to the current household. I am not sure if divorce would be the best option.

It does not sound like divorce will be any more costly for you than your current living situation. If you are miserable in your marriage and do not think counseling with your spouse can help, you can explore your options with a divorce attorney in your area.

 

[adjusterjack]

I am not sure if divorce would be the best option

Texas is a community property state.

I have friends in the same boat. Can't afford to live separately so they are stuck with each other.

I don't have a solution for you.

 

[not2cleverRed]

I cannot afford to move out as all of my money goes to the current household.

If you don't divorce, all your money will continue to go to the current household.

While she'll get half your retirement accrued during the past 28 years of divorce, she will ONLY get that half if you are divorced.

Just trying to point out that fear of losing might lead to greater losses.

Are your wife's spending habits actually bad enough to qualify as marital waste? Or is it just that she's spending money that you earned? The reason I'm asking you to think about this is that if she's wastefully disposing of marital assets, this would affect how things are split in a divorce. However it's only worth pursuing that route if it really is something that a reasonable person would call wasteful, given the household income.

Is she gambling? (I'm not talking the occasional scratch off ticket!)
Has she been running up credit card debt?
Is she making large purchases behind your back?

And realize that excessive spending is dictated in part by your household income. If she's just not saving, it's a less obvious problem than if she's actively increasing household debt.

 

[LdiJ]

I live in Texas. I have been married 28 years. My wife refuses to work after several years despite being perfectly able. She refuses to help with finances. She treats money like
It is unlimited and believes that if I divorce her she will hit the lottery with getting half of my retirement. I cannot afford to move out as all of my money goes to the current household. I am not sure if divorce would be the best option.

You have a long term marriage. It is absolutely true that if you divorce she will get half of the marital/community assets which does include your retirement fund, she will also be responsible for 1/2 of the marital debt. You might even be on the hook for some alimony (consult with a local attorney to be sure one way or the other). That isn't winning the lottery. Your retirement fund is a community asset so it is not just yours. It is also hers.

 

[commentator]

I strongly suspect that you are also living in a totally miserable situation. Long term, you are probably sacrificing your health, as well as your years of time on this earth. My spouse was in a long time long term situation like this. Found out that gambling was very much involved. Still did not leave. Then later, she decided SHE was unhappy and wanted out, decided, I suppose that half his assets would be better than trying constantly to spend his income as he was making it. And since then, he's had a long, wonderful life in which he has actually accumulated more assets and been in a happy relationship (!) The money isn't everything.

My ex actually managed not only to get half my retirement at the time we divorced. I ended up having to pay for his funeral. But getting away? PRICELESS!

 

[AlmostThere]

Some thoughts -

Start setting up some firm spending boundaries and stop the financial hemorrhaging. Keep most cash in a separate bank account, and another she does have access to with a limited amount to cover regular expenses, and remove her from all high-limit credit cards, but provide her with lower-limit cards, gas cards, etc.

Get some counseling - marital if possible, or alone if she won't go.

Meet with a divorce attorney to better understand the implications of divorce.

Meet with a financial advisor to explore different scenarios.