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Divorced but breakdown in communication

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Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Minnesota
My question is this. I have joint legal and joint physical custody of my 3 minor children. I have been divorced since 2004. The first two years were without incident, however in the last 2 years, the amicable relationship has deteriorated. Communication between the parents has been all but eliminated due to the childrens father insisting that emails be only about important issues involving the children. I have since taken great consideration in my emails to only state the facts. The latest involved a medical issue that the 12 year old has. I stated the diagnoses and the medication involved that I would be sending over. His response was that my email was unnecessary and that the children are old enough to share any information about themselves. The children are 10,12 and 14. He also is telling the children to not speak to me at common areas when he is with him for the week. Example: hockey games of the children that we all attend. Question: My divorce decree states that in the event of a communication breakdown, mediation is what I need to do. Does these issues warrent mediation? My 10 year old was scared to speak to me today at the hockey game, and when I approached him to ask why he wasn't talking to me or his half brother, he said his dad told him he couldn't. I realize I need to do something to help the children and myself effectively communicate and co-parent, but am at a loss with the father denying any communication. Comments or suggestions appreciated.


i am by no means a lawyer but if i have read one thing from all the senior members that is a common statement, follow divorce decrees or custody and visitation orders to the letter and follow and do exactly what they say and you wont have a problem. if it states a breakdown in communication warrants mediation( which if hes telling you not to email him and trying to keep your kids from speaking to you IMO that counts as communication breakdown) but i could be wrong and im sure will be corrected if i am. but if you cant get your ex to stop trying to avoid contact with you and trying to alienate your kids w/o dragging it to court then take it to mediation and have the neutral 3rd party handle it just like your divorce decree says. i know in my court area to go to mediation is free and doesnt cost anything except a nominal filing fee for paperwork.


Senior Member
I would also suggest counseling for the children with a provider who is familiar with the pressures that children of divorce have, they can help empower the children to communicate to dad how his behavior affects them.

Dis dad happen to recently get a new love interest?


Junior Member
In response to the question, "does he have a new love interest" He is married and has been married for 2 years...yes, I'm sure you see the correlation as well. He continually states that his priority is his wife, his 5 kids (she has 2) and his marriage..not me. Well, that is great, but 3 of those kids are mine too...so sometimes he protests a bit to much. In any case, no matter how I try to bend to his rules of communication, I break them because the rules change day to day. We have the kids friday to friday....week on week of rotation. I am at a loss because I would like to be able to communicate and have a decent relationship, but my efforts fail. I feel that even though we are divorced, and both remarried, we will always have to have some contact because of the kids...he would like nothing more than to see me disappear. Wont happen, I am a mother of 3 who will remain in the picture. I also know and respect him for wanting to be involved, and the kids need him...but they need 2 parents who can effectively communicate and co parent too. Thanks to those who replied.


Junior Member
I meant to address this before as well. All 3 had counseling and went through a divorce class together...but you are correct. Things have changed and they may be due for some more. Heck, I could use some more too..who couldn't? Thank you again.

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