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Do I have a sufficient change of circumstances to modify custody and visitation?

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coolestdorkever

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

We were divorced in 2002. Visitation was set as "reasonable and seasonable" with no definate times or days. we had joint custody with me (mom) primary custody. a few years later dad got sole custody, visitation stayed the same. we have worked over the years with visitation scheduling with few problems.

In 2014 dad left "new" spouse of 10 years, moved out in jan or feb. Child remained with stepmom until Oct 2014-despite my dislikes and repeated attempts to discuss transitioning our child out of the home, only being told "shut up I will do it when I want to, Child is my kid and you cant tell me what to do." --this is how child got moved...It was my weekend for visitation. Dad called me on Wed. before to tell me "Child was going to kentucky with him so they could talk, would not be coming over." nothing more was said. Child was moved to his girlfriends home that monday. I still havent been told about this except through my child. (side note...girlfriend is also starting a divorce from an abusive ex that harrasses her children and the family home consistently. I fear for my childs safety while living there.)

since Oct my visitation has been denied completely twice and shortened in half numerous times. tonight I got an e-mail informing me all visits will "officially" be shortened in half from here on out. dad refuses to discuss make up time with me saying "I'll get back to you" or "we'll talk about it later." every time i try to talk about it. I even recently found he is awarding "my time" with our child to ex wife to gain more time with their 2 children in return.

What can I do to save my time with our child from being taken away at his whim and does this qualify as a sufficient change in circumstances to change his sole custody back to joint as well?
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

We were divorced in 2002. Visitation was set as "reasonable and seasonable" with no definate times or days. we had joint custody with me (mom) primary custody. a few years later dad got sole custody, visitation stayed the same. we have worked over the years with visitation scheduling with few problems.
Okay so there is NO enforceable visitation.

In 2014 dad left "new" spouse of 10 years, moved out in jan or feb. Child remained with stepmom until Oct 2014-despite my dislikes and repeated attempts to discuss transitioning our child out of the home, only being told "shut up I will do it when I want to, Child is my kid and you cant tell me what to do." --this is how child got moved...
When child was left with stepmom, why didn't you file for custody then?

It was my weekend for visitation.
How do you figure that since you have no enforceable visitation?

Dad called me on Wed. before to tell me "Child was going to kentucky with him so they could talk, would not be coming over." nothing more was said. Child was moved to his girlfriends home that monday. I still havent been told about this except through my child. (side note...girlfriend is also starting a divorce from an abusive ex that harrasses her children and the family home consistently. I fear for my childs safety while living there.)
So the child now lives in Kentucky and has since October? Is that correct? What proof do you have that your child is not safe?


since Oct my visitation has been denied completely twice and shortened in half numerous times. tonight I got an e-mail informing me all visits will "officially" be shortened in half from here on out.
Again, you have no enforceable visitation or even any visitation that you can state is a minimum.

dad refuses to discuss make up time with me saying "I'll get back to you" or "we'll talk about it later." every time i try to talk about it. I even recently found he is awarding "my time" with our child to ex wife to gain more time with their 2 children in return.
You are not entitled to make up time nor do you have any thing that is considered "my time" because of the wording of the order.


What can I do to save my time with our child from being taken away at his whim and does this qualify as a sufficient change in circumstances to change his sole custody back to joint as well?
YOu need to get an official visitation order that outlines specific days and times that are yours. Why did dad get SOLE custody? What was the reason?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Illinois

We were divorced in 2002. Visitation was set as "reasonable and seasonable" with no definate times or days. we had joint custody with me (mom) primary custody. a few years later dad got sole custody, visitation stayed the same. we have worked over the years with visitation scheduling with few problems.

In 2014 dad left "new" spouse of 10 years, moved out in jan or feb. Child remained with stepmom until Oct 2014-despite my dislikes and repeated attempts to discuss transitioning our child out of the home, only being told "shut up I will do it when I want to, Child is my kid and you cant tell me what to do." --this is how child got moved...It was my weekend for visitation. Dad called me on Wed. before to tell me "Child was going to kentucky with him so they could talk, would not be coming over." nothing more was said. Child was moved to his girlfriends home that monday. I still havent been told about this except through my child. (side note...girlfriend is also starting a divorce from an abusive ex that harrasses her children and the family home consistently. I fear for my childs safety while living there.)

since Oct my visitation has been denied completely twice and shortened in half numerous times. tonight I got an e-mail informing me all visits will "officially" be shortened in half from here on out. dad refuses to discuss make up time with me saying "I'll get back to you" or "we'll talk about it later." every time i try to talk about it. I even recently found he is awarding "my time" with our child to ex wife to gain more time with their 2 children in return.

What can I do to save my time with our child from being taken away at his whim and does this qualify as a sufficient change in circumstances to change his sole custody back to joint as well?
How far away exactly did dad move the child? Was it just across the river or a more substantial distance?
 

coolestdorkever

Junior Member
dad went to kentucky to get his alcoholic mother to bring back to live with him. child lives in IL, at his new girlfriends house. sorry for the confusion.

Judge awarded dad custody when he filed to get primary custody in our joint custody agreement for change in circumstances. child resided with him and I did not show up to court to contest his request, because I did not contest it. I know this was not good, but also many years ago...will this be a factor in my request now?

I have no evidence the child is not safe beyond what I know of the situation from the girlfriend. I am sure I can get public records to support evidence, police reports etc...how can I prove this?

I wanted to file for custody when I learned he was not moving the child with him when he left. He was already out of the house for a few months before I found out there was any problem at all, she was still in school. we met to "talk" and he stated when school was out he would transition her out of the home, butdid not want to disrupt her and the other children too much. also said we would work on more time with the child for me. He basically lied to keep me quiet and let him do what he wanted when he wanted. Is it too late to bring this into the equation?

I have a calander with visitation noted, will this make a difference in court since i have no set definition of visitation? I think it will help prove CP does not encourage a relationship with NCP.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
I think I have this (in a nutshell): Dad left kiddo with the (ex?)girlfriend and has moved somewhere else.

And why haven't you picked up your child?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
dad went to kentucky to get his alcoholic mother to bring back to live with him. child lives in IL, at his new girlfriends house. sorry for the confusion.

Judge awarded dad custody when he filed to get primary custody in our joint custody agreement for change in circumstances. child resided with him and I did not show up to court to contest his request, because I did not contest it. I know this was not good, but also many years ago...will this be a factor in my request now?

I have no evidence the child is not safe beyond what I know of the situation from the girlfriend. I am sure I can get public records to support evidence, police reports etc...how can I prove this?

I wanted to file for custody when I learned he was not moving the child with him when he left. He was already out of the house for a few months before I found out there was any problem at all, she was still in school. we met to "talk" and he stated when school was out he would transition her out of the home, butdid not want to disrupt her and the other children too much. also said we would work on more time with the child for me. He basically lied to keep me quiet and let him do what he wanted when he wanted. Is it too late to bring this into the equation?

I have a calander with visitation noted, will this make a difference in court since i have no set definition of visitation? I think it will help prove CP does not encourage a relationship with NCP.
What you need to do is at least head back to court for a set visitation schedule so that dad cannot play games with your parenting time. A set visitation schedule would be a virtual slam dunk for you.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
dad went to kentucky to get his alcoholic mother to bring back to live with him. child lives in IL, at his new girlfriends house. sorry for the confusion.
Does dad live with the girlfriend as well?


Judge awarded dad custody when he filed to get primary custody in our joint custody agreement for change in circumstances. child resided with him and I did not show up to court to contest his request, because I did not contest it. I know this was not good, but also many years ago...will this be a factor in my request now?
It very well could be. You should have shown up. By not showing up, you told the court you didn't care.

I have no evidence the child is not safe beyond what I know of the situation from the girlfriend. I am sure I can get public records to support evidence, police reports etc...how can I prove this?
All of those things are considered hearsay. You need an attorney if you even want to attempt this.

I wanted to file for custody when I learned he was not moving the child with him when he left. He was already out of the house for a few months before I found out there was any problem at all, she was still in school. we met to "talk" and he stated when school was out he would transition her out of the home, butdid not want to disrupt her and the other children too much. also said we would work on more time with the child for me. He basically lied to keep me quiet and let him do what he wanted when he wanted. Is it too late to bring this into the equation?
You agreed. That is the equation. Where is dad now?

I have a calander with visitation noted, will this make a difference in court since i have no set definition of visitation? I think it will help prove CP does not encourage a relationship with NCP.
You need a set order of visitation. Dad can deny that you have wanted a visitation. Are you and he using Our Family Wizard? If not, google it and ask for that (or the comparable Sharekids) to be made part of the court order.
 

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