Do I keep fighting?

[pumpkin03]

What is the name of your state? Nebraska

Hello Everyone. A friend of mine told me about this site so I thought I would check it out and maybe get some advice in the process.

Well today is better than yesterday. I got bad news yesterday about my custody fight. I was "so called" winning the battle until my ex's attorney decided on a Phycologist. As you can probably tell it didn't go well for me. The report was 16 pages long and I haven't gotten to read it all because it can't leave the attorneys office and I only had a few minutes to read before they closed. I just got back from vacation with my daughter.
So this is what I am wondering. My ex and I have joint custody though I am the NCP. Thats why I am fighting. To change this (possibly). My ex is a good guy but he has let me raise our daughter for the past 5yrs. I know maybe I should have let things be but I couldn't. He got remarried (which is great) and now he wants our daughter to raise and I couldn't just let him waltz back in and do that to me and her. Make sense?
So here we are. The deposition went really bad for him and good for me. He was caught in several lies by my attorney. Though with the Phycologist report it went good for him and bad for me. The Phycologist made me out to look like a very evil person and thats not how I spoke with him. Here is the problem. Now I can accept everything he said even though it makes me angry because he put comments in the report that I didn't even say "my ex told him the things and my ex was just guessing, the Phycologist never asked me to verify the answers" The list goes on and on. I have also gotten reports from 3 other friends who had to go through this same guy and everyone "a woman" was denied to be the best parent. They say he is a male shovinist-"spelling" pig. Of course those are just rumors but it does get me wondering. I gave him a box full of documents that proved I have been the care taker for 5yrs. He said I was unfit because of all the bad reports he got from my ex.
I speak with my attorney in the a.m. but hope to get advice before I go. My attorney did state that she doesn't think the judge would go against the Phycologist so we called of the court hearing. She says I have an option to settle with still having "joint custody" and my ex having all the rights even though the man has never taken our daughter to but only one Dr.s appt. or she said we can hire our own Phycologist. She works with another one. Here is my dilema. Do I agree now and wait a few more years and try again because if I get a second bad Phycologist report then I am doomed for the future of having my daughter. Though if the new Phycologist favors for me then she says we have a good chance. My daughter cried when I tried telling her she was going to be with her daughter during the school year. I am trying to not let her know much cause she is only 7 1/2 but I wanted to know if she really needed me to keep fighting. Do I?
I correct myself from the above sentence. I actually know 4 woman who was turned down. One of which was another case my attorney did. They went to this other Phycologist and won the case, however I have to remember that case is much different than mine. Oh and no confidentiality was broken, no names were given or anything.
Hopefully someone can lift these spirits of mine, thanks
Loving mom of 1

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Nebraska

Hello Everyone. A friend of mine told me about this site so I thought I would check it out and maybe get some advice in the process.

Well today is better than yesterday. I got bad news yesterday about my custody fight. I was "so called" winning the battle until my ex's attorney decided on a Phycologist. As you can probably tell it didn't go well for me. The report was 16 pages long and I haven't gotten to read it all because it can't leave the attorneys office and I only had a few minutes to read before they closed. I just got back from vacation with my daughter.
So this is what I am wondering. My ex and I have joint custody though I am the NCP. Thats why I am fighting. To change this (possibly). My ex is a good guy but he has let me raise our daughter for the past 5yrs. I know maybe I should have let things be but I couldn't. He got remarried (which is great) and now he wants our daughter to raise and I couldn't just let him waltz back in and do that to me and her. Make sense?
So here we are. The deposition went really bad for him and good for me. He was caught in several lies by my attorney. Though with the Phycologist report it went good for him and bad for me. The Phycologist made me out to look like a very evil person and thats not how I spoke with him. Here is the problem. Now I can accept everything he said even though it makes me angry because he put comments in the report that I didn't even say "my ex told him the things and my ex was just guessing, the Phycologist never asked me to verify the answers" The list goes on and on. I have also gotten reports from 3 other friends who had to go through this same guy and everyone "a woman" was denied to be the best parent. They say he is a male shovinist-"spelling" pig. Of course those are just rumors but it does get me wondering. I gave him a box full of documents that proved I have been the care taker for 5yrs. He said I was unfit because of all the bad reports he got from my ex.
I speak with my attorney in the a.m. but hope to get advice before I go. My attorney did state that she doesn't think the judge would go against the Phycologist so we called of the court hearing. She says I have an option to settle with still having "joint custody" and my ex having all the rights even though the man has never taken our daughter to but only one Dr.s appt. or she said we can hire our own Phycologist. She works with another one. Here is my dilema. Do I agree now and wait a few more years and try again because if I get a second bad Phycologist report then I am doomed for the future of having my daughter. Though if the new Phycologist favors for me then she says we have a good chance. My daughter cried when I tried telling her she was going to be with her daughter during the school year. I am trying to not let her know much cause she is only 7 1/2 but I wanted to know if she really needed me to keep fighting. Do I?
I correct myself from the above sentence. I actually know 4 woman who was turned down. One of which was another case my attorney did. They went to this other Phycologist and won the case, however I have to remember that case is much different than mine. Oh and no confidentiality was broken, no names were given or anything.
Hopefully someone can lift these spirits of mine, thanks
Loving mom of 1

One option...but its an expensive one...is to insist on another evalution, by a different psychologist....or maybe even two.

 

[needscadvice]

even you can afford it, go for it

your daughter obviously doesn't want you to just give up - that means this may be your only shot for many years.... just remember that - if you can afford, I would go for it...
What do you have to lose at this point, sounds to me as if he has already won if you don't try!!!
My oldest is almost 12 and he now says he wishes he would have spoke up in the last court hearings more - (it started when he was 7 and ended when he was 9) - he tells his sister DAILY to speak up about her feelings and tell the courts if she gets a chance or whoever will listen - she is really nervous about it because she is 8... but I would not have told my kids about the court thing this time around but their father got the court papers and they were with him that night and he disected them in front of them!!! and got hateful with all of them.

Just remember her face when you said that - that is what is keeping me going with my kids!!!

Legally, I don't know... do research if you can to find a good psychologist.
Just learn everything you can in what time you can afford to learn it - some custody cases are a lot quicker than others.. just good luck...God Bless.

 

[pumpkin03]

Thanks for the support.....

I just wanted to say Thank you for the support. My attorney has recommended another evaluation from another Phycologist that she has worked with before and it was a good outcome on the other case but of course every case is different.
I don't really like saying this but what are the possibilities of a Phycologist being paid off? My ex makes lots of money in his job so I can see him doing it to just stay in control but I don't like pointing the finger at the Phycologist. It's just this Phycologist is know to go against woman. I don't know I am just very confused about the outcome.

 

[Naturalmom]

IN NJ GO get your second evaluation.!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Iam the cp at the moment with joint legal custody. Father has been at this for 5 years to remove child from me especially since he married. First evalution was so far over the top in favor of him it was scarry made me out to be monster beliveving in all his lies and not listening to any thing I had to say or the police reports and prior transcripts from hearing. So I hired another evalutor with a court order, be aware you will probably foot the whole bill for the second since you are the one requesting it. Quess what second one was more in line with reality . I will be going soon to court after trying to work out a consent order with no resolve, which still goes in line with what the second evalution had said Father and wife extremely difficult there will never agree to any thing and sole custody should be awarded to mother based on history as well as new circumstanses that continue to happen.

 

[pumpkin03]

Second Chance....

I spoke with my attorney today. It was very positive. She is really pushing for the second evaluation so I think we are going to do it. She also thinks the first one the Dr. contridicted himself and discriminated. She is going to try to get him for that. She also spoke with another attorney who used him and the other attorney said be careful because he pulls his religious beliefs in to his decisions. Don't get me wrong, I am religious myself but I shouldn't be made out to be a monster because I don't follow this Dr.s beliefs. Make sense?

She also said she has heard of Dr.s being paid off so it wouldn't suprise her. That just makes me sick. How, Why? would a Dr. do that expessially when children are involved. Now we don't know if this happened but just the thought of it.

 

[billiewood]

just curious

Yeah you should get a 2nd elvatuation

Just curious about one thing tho How did he become the CP you the NCP but she has been living with you for the last 5 yrs. As soon as he let the child start leaving with you you should have went back to court to get custody changed.

 

[pumpkin03]

Your right.....

I didn't have the money to fight when we divorced, so he hired one attorney and we agreed on everything at the time.

I know I should have fought sooner but I wanted to make sure I had enough under my belt. See I contacted a wonderful attorney 6months after I had my daughter full time and he recommended I wait a little longer because there might not be enough evidence at that point. So I waited till I had several thousand tucked away because I knew it would get costly and even with that I didn't set enough aside but I will sell what ever it takes to fight. My ex can be a good man but I can't just sit around and watch my baby girl be striped from me.