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Do the kids REALLY need Child Support?

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kw0602

Member
What is the name of your state? I am in AL.
I have custody of my 4 and 5 year olds. My ex gives $130/month for child support. Our expenses for the kids exceed $500/month. Not to include their activities, baseball, piano, school supplies, ballet.
My current wife and I make at the very least $60,000/year. My ex is on disablility(mental illness). My ex gets about $600/month plus she works, but the money she gets from her job is limited. She gets low income housing, food stamps, vouchers for some of her bills, and refunds from school.
By no means are we hurting for money. We are trying to have kids but at this time we have noone else in our household to care for other than ourselves. While I realize that $130/month is not even enough to pay for childcare for one week, I would much rather keep the peace about it and take this small amount of money.
My ex has not told the courts that she is working. So that would be more income for her. My current wife is constantly asking me to go back to get support adjusted. Although I realize that $130/month is very minimal (we just put the money into their accounts for when they get older), I would much rather keep the peace and accept what we have. The majority of the $60,000 is my wife's income. I am still in school. My wife provides our household with medical and dental insurance also.
 


stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I'll say the same thing I'd say if your ex was a guy..... Why should your new spouse pay to support your kids? That's your and your ex's responsibility...
 

ellencee

Senior Member
kw0602
I think it's great that your ex pays support, not for the money, but for what it does for her feelings of self-worth. She's not financially able to better herself unless she becomes not disabled.
I can't think of a rational or reasonable reason to expect her to increase support beyond what she is paying; and I can not imagine a court ordereing her to do so.

After a quick glance into my crystal ball, I see hurricanes and lightening; I see trouble on the rise.

Your current wife is objecting to supporting you and your children; for what reason, I don't know. She can't seriously think your ex can contribute enough to make a difference in your lives together. You are, afterall, saving the child support for the children's benefit later.

Maybe you could change that one thing. Maybe you should spend that money now on the kids; save from your earnings and her earnings.

You have a delicate situation on your hands--a 'troubled' wife.
 

haiku

Senior Member
Ok, now that I have read a response and have coffee in me, I can better answer this. (I answer as a current second wife for this question...)

your wife, needs to accept the fact that you will probably never receive alot of money from the mom. from the sounds of it, it is probably very lucky you receive anything from the mom, for the kids.

it really sounds like you need to sit down with your wife and discuss your expectations of the marriage, and your finances. Maybe she is now feeling more stressed at being the "breadwinner" than she thought she would? It may be time for you to seperate your finances a bit. Rethink your status as a student? Possible lighten the load a bit? I do not know, but I do know that her resentment, can only reach a boiling point, and you need to take care of it before it does.

I know there are times, in both my past relationship and my current, where I questioned whether or not I was 'wasting" my life, so someone else (the bio-mom and in my first-dad) could benefit. sometimes it was justified, sometimes not. but at least now, I am in a relationship where my needs and my husbands are put first. So that we have a stable foundation for the kids.


having learned the hard way in my last relationship,(I was trapped into supporting a man, and 2 children who ultimately, of course, were not mine) I also will NEVER again, be half the financial support of my skids. it is my husbands job, and his ex's. I knew my current husband could live without me if need be. you mention that you want to start your family but cannot yet-that is a BIG indicator, that she may be starting to feel walked on-she has to work hard to support another womans children, and can't have any of her own yet. you need to lay this all out on the table now if your relationship is to survive.

bear in mind I am just throwing out some idea's by sharing thoughts and things that actually happened to me, OK, Take what you want and leave the rest....
 
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pthalo

Guest
Your plate seems to be very full.. Being a student is a job that you pay for instead of getting paid for and your wife is working and supporting a family of four.. I don't think that right now is a good time to be thinking about starting a family.. Wait until there is more stability.. She probably wants children b/c she wants to share the lives of the children with you and not with you and your ex as you do right now..

This is going to take patience on the part of both you and your wife.. Things aren't going to be made better by going to court and requesting a child support mod.. I actually think that it would make things worse..

Just intuition here but I think you wife may be feeling a bit inadequate.. You have two children that you love and you are not pushing issues of child support with mom.. Seeing all these issues may make her feel like she needs to have children with you to feel that the relationship is complete.. I am not saying that you need to have children now.. You need to make her feel loved and needed and let her know that you want to have children with her when both of your lives find stability...
 
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Sabrina26ford

Guest
I can't help but reply

I wasn't going to reply just for the fact that I believe with most of the posts already posted.
But I couldn't get this situation off my mind so here it is.. take it or leave it...

I THINK... now brace yourselves....

that maybe step mom is having some major issues... first lets applaud her for stepping up to the plate and taking role of mom for kids who are not her own. then applaud her for being the sole bread winner as well... sounds like she has more than her share of stress.

But what the heck............ why on earth would she want to go and make bio-moms life harder.... this is just insane.. sounds like bio mom is having a rough enough time as it is... at least she isn't going around trying to make life harder for the new wife and kids...OR IS SHE?????
Is there more to this story I wonder....
If not maybe new wife has her insecurities and is still jealous of old wife....and wanting to inflict pain?

Not good leave well enough alone and move on!
That is my advice....
knew some of ya wouldn't like it :rolleyes:
 
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pthalo

Guest
pthalo quickly steps in and shields sabrina. Please everyone direct all comments toward me.. I said it more subtly but I did say it first..

Sabrina if you were wondering why people have an opinion of me its b/c I usually express opinions like yours on 9/10 posts...
 
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kat1963

Senior Member
Cause it's okay to be sympathetic because it's a BioMOM and not a BioDAD. Give me a break, if this was a man we were talking about you'd all be all over the woman to get every single damn penny from the ex because the children deserve to be supported by both parents....what ever happened to it being *for the children*? Oh sorry, that's only when Dad is a walking wallet.

Do I think he should go back for more support. Heck no.... I've said it before (in Mommy CP cases) and most of you jumped all over me with your *for the children* statements. You know who you are, your bias is so obvious.

KAT
 
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Sabrina26ford

Guest
ty PT

Well TY PT seeeeeeeee chivilery ( sp) is not dead.. but able too spell is...

Maybe I am going to get in trouble around her for voicing to much of an opinion...opppsss
 
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pthalo

Guest
Kat, this isn't like me but I am going to have to step in here and say shut the f*** up.. Most men who are CP's don't even go for child support.. Most men who are CP's aren't as unappreciative of the system and the mothers as male NCP's or mom's in general.. This statement is not to bash moms or male NCP's, its to point out that everyone is different and every situation is different.. I don't care what gender you are in this situation there is more going on than just support .... The children are the most important thing, but a healthy parent is the first step in assuring a healthy child.. If mom isn't healthy, making her more sick or in a more despearte situation won't help at all...
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Funny..... I could've sworn I said I'd post the same thing if the NCP was a guy.... OOOOOOOOH but I forget - since I'm a bioMom, I'm inherently Mom biased. What bull****.
 
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pthalo

Guest
go momma....

I learned from experience about calling momma_tiger pro-mom, she is actually one of the more compassionate and understanding moms on this board...

sabrina... psssst.. spelling is the most over hatched insult on these forums lets not get into it..
 
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Sabrina26ford

Guest
ok I agree with grouchy up there...that some peeps look at the world one sided...


But I was looking at it from both sides not one... As a future step mom and as a biomom

and considering I am new to this forum... I will just take what she/he said with a grain of salt .. and wonder why she is so sour.
 
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Sabrina26ford

Guest
^5's PT

I totally agree... How on earth is it health for the kids to see one parent struggling from day to day... while the other lives high on the hog....and then to see...that part of the anquish is do from the step parent and CP.............this is a bad situtation alllllll around!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

haiku

Senior Member
probably because she has gone round and round with pthalo before....every single thread pthalo answers gets turned into the "anti-male, or anti-female bias" thread. It is becoming exhausting......

fact of the matter is, what we have here is a third person, who is supporting someone elses children. Sounds like she is figuring out it was not as romantic as she pictured.

If this woman were to walk, it would then be up to the custodial dad to figure out how to support his kids without her paycheck.

It may be wise for them to figure out how to do that NOW, before she walks.

it is true that she may be directing her anger at the wrong person, if the mom is paying what she is legally required to. It may be that our poster will need to rethink HIS contributions to the house and his kids, if his relationship is to survive.
 

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