do they have to go?

[crazewoman]

My 14 y/o step-daughter doesn't want to go to her mothers for the entire summer, and her mom won't budge. I dont' want to force her to go, but legally, do we have to force her? her brother and sister feel the same way, but are not as vocal about it. Its not joint custody, this is just visitation as far as I know. We are the custodial parents and get no support from her for the rest of the year. The tickets have already been purchased, and we are willing to pay the difference of tickets to change it to another date later in the summer. What routes can we take? The EX situation is a nightmare! Please HELP!!!
(Texas, divorce finalized in MI, active duty military)

 

[MySonsMom]

As sad as it is, you have to force them to go if the Mother will not adhere to their wishes. If you do not, you will be going against a court order and could get in a lot of trouble.

Force the children to go, let them know it is your obligation as parents to force the visitation. Someday soon the children will know that you had no choice....Which you do not. Now, if she adhered to their wishes and agreed that they didn't have to go if they did not want to, that would be fine. But until then....Force them to go. There is no choice.

Good luck!

 

[crazewoman]

Thanks for your advise, but the real question is this; do I have to make the oldest go when the bio wants her to? She does want to go, just not the whole summer, and not just then, when the mom wants her to go.......

 

[MySonsMom]

Thanks for your advise, but the real question is this; do I have to make the oldest go when the bio wants her to? She does want to go, just not the whole summer, and not just then, when the mom wants her to go.......

Yes, you have to force her to go...for now. Your only option is to go back to court and file for a change in the visitation orders. Your 14 yr old daughter would be heard by the judge with her wishes.

If it's that bad for the daughter, then that is your alternative. Trying to change the custody orders. Until then, you have to adhere to the current orders.

Good luck!

 

[crazewoman]

I know that is an option, but the thing is, there is no specific order for visitation.

 

[MySonsMom]

I know that is an option, but the thing is, there is no specific order for visitation.

This is the problem with non structured visitation orders. Agreeing to "reasonable visitation" means that the two parents must get along very well, and be good at accommodating each other. Most cases, this isn't the way it works. If the two parents cannot mutually agree on visitation, then that is when it's time to get back into court.

If there is no detailed visitation order, then why have you agreed to allow the child to go for the whole summer? Both of the parents have to agree to the visitation, and if you do not want the child to go for the whole summer due to the childs' wishes, you need to talk to the Mother to determine an alternative time period.

Good luck!

 

[crazewoman]

We do want them to spend time with her, so we were ready to be reasonable about the whole thing, even offering to escort them to MI ourselves and to pay half... if she went along with being reasonable about the time frames. She wasn't, and we really didn't feel that it was in the best interests of the kids to start another fight while our oldest was in the hospital after back surgery.... which she wouldn't have had, if I hadn't been there. (she has scholiosis so badly it was starting to seriously disfigure her, and her bio didn't take her to the dr, nor use the insurance that we provide through the military that covers all costs.... I think so that she could get more money out of us while we were overseas on an unaccompanied tour.That is where we met.)
We have had plans to take our case to a lawyer, but haven't had the money, but I guess that this is the only way to make sure that the kids wishes are heard and respected

 

[MySonsMom]

I understand your concerns. However, what I am saying is that if it isn't specified in the court papers that the children have to go to their Mothers for the whole summer, then you do not have to agree to that.

Resonable visitation means that the custodial parent and the non custodial parent decide together when the child will visit. They BOTH have to agree to it. So if she says, "I would like them the whole summer this year". Then you guys say, "That isn't really going to work this year, how about half the summer". If she bawks, then you have to say "Well, we are willing to work with you but we will not send them the whole summer". Then usually something can be worked out.

If the visitation order is not specific, visitation is decided spiratically throughout the year.

If you can all come up with a fair visitation, then it's wise to stick with it each year if there are no problems. Because that's fair for both families.

If you can afford it, I suggest getting an attorney and filing for a set visitation agreement. One where the children are involved in deciding how much time they want to spend with their Mother.

Good luck!