does child support cover clothing expenses

[hishersandours]

my husband's bio-mom of his children refuses to send clothes with the kids when they come stay for a weekend or summer. i have in the past...bought both my step children new clothes when summer comes around...things have been a little tight around here...so now i can't be as free about it. we have asked the custodial mom to send clothes....her reply was: are you kidding? i am not sending all their clothes...that's rediculous!

Any help on this matter? I have never done this to my ex and have always packed my daughters clothes when she went to her bio-dad's house... even if it meant that some never returned. oh well...life goes on. i am just plain tired of all the bull*%$#*&!

 

[CMSC]

I understand where you are coming from but I am on both ends of this situation and it is a no win one! WHen my children visited their father I quit sending many clothes with them, he did not pay support so he had money to buy clothing. But I stopped sending the clothes because they would come back filthy and smoky. But then on the other side I am a step mom and my husbands ex doesn't send many clothes but that did not really bother me, we are in the position to go buy him more clothes and since we only have him in the summer and my hubby doesn't have to pay support then we use that money to purchase clothes. We told mom this year not to send any because it is easier on us and our son, he doesn't have to lug clothes back and forth and we don''t have to worry about losing them!

I really don't know what to tell you. If you can't afford clothes for him at this time then she should be sending them.

 

[haiku]

I mentioned this on your other thread.

If you pay support, there is no reason you should have to provide the kids clothes when they are with you! I am so sorry for you, all that woman has to send is a weeks worth of clothes for a summer visit-come on, how hard is that!? My DH's ex is a winner too, but at least she came round and started sending them with stuff. and when she doesnt, I do a quick laundry if I have ot and send them home in what they came in!

if mom is refusing to send them with anything, and they are not old enough to pack themselves, (my oldest skid is 12, and i expect him to know what he should bring- I dont feel real bad when HE forgets to pack his underwear or something LOL we work it out) I would make do with what they brought, and maybe get a few extra's at salvation army, ( I do really well there!) but that is it!

I would explain to the kids that you pay mom support all year, and especially if you are still sending her support while they are with YOU, it is really up to mom to make sure they have enough clothes no matter who they are with. You cant pay mom to buy them clothes AND buy them the exact same clothes too! That is just a fact of life. (and then I would just shrug it off as no big deal! I try not to give my skids a complex while they are with me, because it is not thier fault, let thier mother deal with it!)

 

[hishersandours]

I mentioned this on your other thread.

If you pay support, there is no reason you should have to provide the kids clothes when they are with you! I am so sorry for you, all that woman has to send is a weeks worth of clothes for a summer visit-come on, how hard is that!? My DH's ex is a winner too, but at least she came round and started sending them with stuff. and when she doesnt, I do a quick laundry if I have ot and send them home in what they came in!

if mom is refusing to send them with anything, and they are not old enough to pack themselves, (my oldest skid is 12, and i expect him to know what he should bring- I dont feel real bad when HE forgets to pack his underwear or something LOL we work it out) I would make do with what they brought, and maybe get a few extra's at salvation army, ( I do really well there!) but that is it!

I would explain to the kids that you pay mom support all year, and especially if you are still sending her support while they are with YOU, it is really up to mom to make sure they have enough clothes no matter who they are with. You cant pay mom to buy them clothes AND buy them the exact same clothes too! That is just a fact of life. (and then I would just shrug it off as no big deal! I try not to give my skids a complex while they are with me, because it is not thier fault, let thier mother deal with it!)

you are absolutely right...it is not their fault!!! we are dealing with a 10 and 13 year old...i hate involving them in our inability to get their mom to cooperate. we found it fun in the past the buy new clothes for summer... and christmas's were always HUGE...but...we have to stand and say...now the kids have grown up a little and care about what brands they are wearing...remember they from a lawyer family...all the sons and their wives are lavishing their kids with stuff. we have always been better off than my husbands ex...but that doesn't make it right for her to put that strain on our family. we have three other children to buy for now...things just got way out of hand!!! my step daughter even once said...and she didn't mean to be bratty...but it sounded spoiled rotten...she told my 14 yr daughter...it is so cool that i have so many clothes and get new clothes at both houses and i get two christmas's and two easter's...you get the picture. i admit...we created a problem...now it is time to dissolve it. it is so hard to say what you really mean and try to compassionate at the same time...part of me wants to shake the c-mom...and say what are you doing?

 

[kat1963]

I'd send her a certified letter (return receipt) stating that you are requesting clothing for the 200th year. That she gets paid support during the time you have the children and therefore should supply clothing which is what child support is suppose to go for. That failure to comply with your request will result in court action asking for suspension and/or reduction of child support during the times the children are in your care for longer then 3 days.
If she doesn't, then I'd take photos of no suitcases or empty suitcases, buy the clothing, keep every single receipt and anything else you can think of....just keep ALL documentation. Then file. Do it pro se. Hey, if it doesn't work, you lose, you are still in the same position you were when you started right? Plus, it will indeed cause her a little stress.
What a witch.
KAT

 

[hishersandours]

I understand where you are coming from but I am on both ends of this situation and it is a no win one! WHen my children visited their father I quit sending many clothes with them, he did not pay support so he had money to buy clothing. But I stopped sending the clothes because they would come back filthy and smoky. But then on the other side I am a step mom and my husbands ex doesn't send many clothes but that did not really bother me, we are in the position to go buy him more clothes and since we only have him in the summer and my hubby doesn't have to pay support then we use that money to purchase clothes. We told mom this year not to send any because it is easier on us and our son, he doesn't have to lug clothes back and forth and we don''t have to worry about losing them!

I really don't know what to tell you. If you can't afford clothes for him at this time then she should be sending them.

hi ryry's mom

thanks for your input...believe me...it was so much fun shopping for the kids...but we have added two additional children and my step kids are getting older...they have a particular taste...both sides of family are well off...but their mom married a man whom i thought was a good step dad...needless to say...he has been through job after job...we have stepped in and helped countless times...well we have a busier life and larger family of our own and we just can't spit out 500.00 ea. child each summer...because c-mom won't send them...she does get paid for 12 months even when they are with us in summer...which c-mom is trying to take away now.

can you get the picture...this isn't about the kids...it's always about "money"....she would rather us go away...but keep sending that 1000 dollars every month. thanks for your input...it always helps!!

 

[hishersandours]

I'd send her a certified letter (return receipt) stating that you are requesting clothing for the 200th year. That she gets paid support during the time you have the children and therefore should supply clothing which is what child support is suppose to go for. That failure to comply with your request will result in court action asking for suspension and/or reduction of child support during the times the children are in your care for longer then 3 days.
If she doesn't, then I'd take photos of no suitcases or empty suitcases, buy the clothing, keep every single receipt and anything else you can think of....just keep ALL documentation. Then file. Do it pro se. Hey, if it doesn't work, you lose, you are still in the same position you were when you started right? Plus, it will indeed cause her a little stress.
What a witch.
KAT

your too funny!!! thanks...you made me laugh momentarily...i actually could think of something funny for once.

 

[haiku]

step daughter even once said...and she didn't mean to be bratty...but it sounded spoiled rotten...she told my 14 yr daughter...it is so cool that i have so many clothes and get new clothes at both houses and i get two christmas's and two easter's...you get the picture.

BTDT! But we started easing out of it earlier, believe me we got earfuls from the mom too! Honestly the kids are so overwhelmed with gifts I dont think they really noticed. my skids get holidays and birthdays with 2 sets of parents and the ex's parents are divorced also, can you say "lots of presents!" I still hear the "we get christmas at moms, here, gramma's, poppie's etc..." LOL I don't feel guilt!

you pay child support so mom can put on christmas and birthdays, WE dont feel a need to go all out, OUR child only has one house, and she DESERVES just as much as the others! i dont believe i have to give equally to the skids as we do our own, that is not fair, as I feel we already contributed to thier christmas with support. We still have cake and give one special gift for birthdays, and christmas we do one gift and little stocking things, but THATS IT!

 

[hishersandours]

BTDT! But we started easing out of it earlier, believe me we got earfuls from the mom too! Honestly the kids are so overwhelmed with gifts I dont think they really noticed. my skids get holidays and birthdays with 2 sets of parents and the ex's parents are divorced also, can you say "lots of presents!" I still hear the "we get christmas at moms, here, gramma's, poppie's etc..." LOL I don't feel guilt!

you pay child support so mom can put on christmas and birthdays, WE dont feel a need to go all out, OUR child only has one house, and she DESERVES just as much as the others! i dont believe i have to give equally to the skids as we do our own, that is not fair, as I feel we already contributed to thier christmas with support. We still have cake and give one special gift for birthdays, and christmas we do one gift and little stocking things, but THATS IT!

no offense...but tell that one to my husband!! i always try to be fair...that way the skids and kids don't fight about who got what and how much it was. but things do have to stop somewhere! thanks so much!

 

[CMSC]

hi ryry's mom

thanks for your input...believe me...it was so much fun shopping for the kids...but we have added two additional children and my step kids are getting older...they have a particular taste...both sides of family are well off...but their mom married a man whom i thought was a good step dad...needless to say...he has been through job after job...we have stepped in and helped countless times...well we have a busier life and larger family of our own and we just can't spit out 500.00 ea. child each summer...because c-mom won't send them...she does get paid for 12 months even when they are with us in summer...which c-mom is trying to take away now.

can you get the picture...this isn't about the kids...it's always about "money"....she would rather us go away...but keep sending that 1000 dollars every month. thanks for your input...it always helps!!

Man, that is an outrageous support amount!!! All I can say is I am sorry that you are in this situation. Too bad you couldn't get courts to give you a break in support when kids are at your home then you could go shopping! I don't even spend $500 a summer on all my children together, they are too young still! But I always am very thrifty. I shop at the Gap and Old Navy BUT I do it a season early! I buy winter clothes in the summer and summer clothes in the winter...money stretches a lot farther that way!

I hope this mess works out!