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Does husband leaving marital home affect visitation?

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Ms78

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? MO
My husband left our marital home and moved across state, now he believes he's entitled to see our 20 month old son one week a month or even two weeks a month. Before we file for divorce, I want to know what I'm up against as far as his visitation rights and frequency. I'm new to this, so any comments or advice is welcome.
 


BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Ms78 said:
What is the name of your state? MO
My husband left our marital home and moved across state, now he believes he's entitled to see our 20 month old son one week a month or even two weeks a month. Before we file for divorce, I want to know what I'm up against as far as his visitation rights and frequency. I'm new to this, so any comments or advice is welcome.
He is the father, regardless of whether he lives across the state or across the country.

And yes, he has rights as well as you.
 
BelizeBreeze said:
He is the father, regardless of whether he lives across the state or across the country.

And yes, he has rights as well as you.
Yes BB, I agree with you. But I think poster may be concerned about frequency and length of visits with a child so young, particularly if Dad is going to take this child across the country one, two, three times a month (or whatever) for visitation. Poster should be made aware that it was father's decision to move so far away. It should be argued that when he sees this child, he should be responsible for the travel expenses (or at least the majority of them). That, in and of itself, may dictate how often visitation occurs. Secondly, it's important to note that most likely this little one will not be "away" from the mother for long periods of time (such as a week or two) in the beginning. As the child gets older, visitation will increase. But in the beginning, a number of courts will recognize "tender years" still. Again, it's subjective, and effectively needs to be argued by her attorney.
 

CJane

Senior Member
Ms78 said:
What is the name of your state? MO
My husband left our marital home and moved across state, now he believes he's entitled to see our 20 month old son one week a month or even two weeks a month. Before we file for divorce, I want to know what I'm up against as far as his visitation rights and frequency. I'm new to this, so any comments or advice is welcome.
Dad will probably end up with something more along the 'standard' lines - every other weekend, every other holiday, etc. Once the child is in school, that will probably expand to include some of the longer school weekends. Dad will also likely get 2 uninterrupted weeks in the summer (pretty standard in MO).

You should make sure that it's clear that Dad moved so that Dad should be responsible for the majority of transportation. Also, make it VERY clear in the order what the times/dates of visitation are (such as from 7pm every other Friday until 7pm the following Sunday with X providing necessary transportation). From reading this site, I think it's probably a good idea to also have something included along the lines of "If father does not arrive for pick-up within 30 (or 45 or 60) minutes of said time, he has forfeited that visitation period." That way, you're not waiting around for days at a time for him to show up.
 

snostar

Senior Member
Since you are still married, Dad has the exact same rights to the child has you do at this point. He can take the child for as long as he wants, until a court order states otherwise.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
snostar said:
Since you are still married, Dad has the exact same rights to the child has you do at this point. He can take the child for as long as he wants, until a court order states otherwise.
And she has the right to refuse to allow him to do so. Lets be realistic here. This dad chose to leave (which was perfectly ok) but chose to move across the state, away from his child....he is not going to be calling the shots here.

While there is a possibility that a judge might order a 50/50 long distance schedule for a 20 month old. Its really not very likely.

Judges generally tend to not order things that clearly won't be workable on a long term basis. Once the child starts school a schedule like that would be completely unworkable....and would automatically cause a serious custody battle at that time...with both parents fighting for primary custody.....with the end result being a very disruptive change for the child.

Its far more likely that a judge will order something that would still be workable once the child starts school.
 

snostar

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
And she has the right to refuse to allow him to do so.
Yes, and this can get very messy.

Lets be realistic here. This dad chose to leave (which was perfectly ok) but chose to move across the state, away from his child....he is not going to be calling the shots here.
Without specific facts to the case there is no way of telling if this is true.

While there is a possibility that a judge might order a 50/50 long distance schedule for a 20 month old. Its really not very likely.
AGAIN, without all the facts it is definitely possible dad can get sole legal and primary physical custody. Long distance? They may only be an hour away from each other, the poster only stated, "across state." You're making a great deal of assumptions, based on one, very partial side of the story.
 

Ms78

Junior Member
He moved 4 hours away for a new job. When this happened I made it very clear there was a good chance we would not follow.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
snostar said:
AGAIN, without all the facts it is definitely possible dad can get sole legal and primary physical custody. Long distance? They may only be an hour away from each other, the poster only stated, "across state." You're making a great deal of assumptions, based on one, very partial side of the story.
You know...you are making assumptions as well. I think that if someone tells us that a parent moved across the state, we can assume that its true. I also think that we can assume that its far enough that 50/50 wouldn't work for school purposes.

Now, we also all know that the odds of a parent getting sole or primary custody, when they have voluntarily chosen to move away without the child, is pretty darned slim.

We also know, from experience, that if a 50/50 plans is ordered on a long distance basis...for a preschool child...that it generates a bitter custody battle when the child reaches school age. We know that no matter which parent ends up with primary custody at that point...that it is a significant disruption for the child.
 

CJane

Senior Member
snostar said:
They may only be an hour away from each other, the poster only stated, "across state."
How many states are only an hour across? I live in Northern MO where it's fairly narrow, and on a good day, it still takes 3 1/2 hours to cross the state.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
CJane said:
How many states are only an hour across? I live in Northern MO where it's fairly narrow, and on a good day, it still takes 3 1/2 hours to cross the state.
Maybe one or two of the northeastern states? I can't think of any other possibilities.
 

CJane

Senior Member
LdiJ said:
Maybe one or two of the northeastern states? I can't think of any other possibilities.

Yeah, I was thinking Delaware and Rhode Island. But anyone who's ever looked at a map knows that MO (where OP is from) is more than an hour across.
 

casa

Senior Member
CJane said:
Yeah, I was thinking Delaware and Rhode Island. But anyone who's ever looked at a map knows that MO (where OP is from) is more than an hour across.
unless she lives an hour from the state's border. :rolleyes:
 

snostar

Senior Member
casa said:
unless she lives an hour from the state's border. :rolleyes:
Thank you for making some sense! "Across state" was too general, without being given an approximate distance it could only be based on perspective of what the poster meant. It's not a matter of whether the post was true, but properly interpreted.

I am going to sit back and wait of Ld to quote one of my alleged assumptions. :D
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
snostar said:
Thank you for making some sense! "Across state" was too general, without being given an approximate distance it could only be based on perspective of what the poster meant. It's not a matter of whether the post was true, but properly interpreted.

I am going to sit back and wait of Ld to quote one of my alleged assumptions. :D
Your assumptions were that mom wasn't giving an accurate picture of the situation. Mom later clarified that the distance was 4 hours, which made your assumption incorrect....and my advice accurate.

Since I don't want to hijack this thread and take it into a totally different direction, I will leave it at that.
 

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