Does it help for her to straighten up now?

[jshort1606]

What is the name of your state? Arkansas
I posted before but it was a little hard to read so will try to do better this time.

My exwife and I were divorced 9 months ago and we agreed that she would have full custody of our son who is now 22 months. We have had many problems and I have tried to settle any differences but to no avail. I have filed for full custody do to the following things.

1. Her apartment was a complete mess all of the time and very dirty and unsuitable for our young son. She has since moved out after I filed for custody.
2. She has sent our son to daycare without shoes several times and even without a winter coat this past winter.
3. We had problems early on and we were ordered to attend a parenting through divorce class which the judge wanted done by the end of august of last year which I attended and she did not but has since I filed for custody.
4. She has threatened my mothers job if I did not do as she told me with our son (I have this recorded but it was a week before our divorce was final so I don't know if it can be used)
5. Our son has had several health problems including a staph infection and has had to have 4 teeth pulled out due to poor dental hygeine at only 18 months old.
6. She has an indoor/outdoor cat that has bitten and scratched our son several times (I have pictures of these as well). She now says she no longer allows the cat into the apartment.
7. She has asked me to keep our son late on a work/school night and then called after 10:30 to tell me she is to drunk to come pick him up.

My biggest problem is she was able to get a protective order against me for 90 days which she finally dropped in order to get out of going to court for comtempt which she was not at the original hearing because her lawyer said he thought it was only for their motion to dismiss.

My question is does her doing all of these things now after I filed for custody help her in court?

Also how much does the protective order hurt me even though she even said that I came over wanting to see our son because I constantly saw her without him when he was supposed to be with her and she didn't want me there?

 

[seniorjudge]

What is the name of your state? Arkansas
I posted before but it was a little hard to read so will try to do better this time.

My exwife and I were divorced 9 months ago and we agreed that she would have full custody of our son who is now 22 months. We have had many problems and I have tried to settle any differences but to no avail. I have filed for full custody do to the following things.

1. Her apartment was a complete mess all of the time and very dirty and unsuitable for our young son. She has since moved out after I filed for custody.
2. She has sent our son to daycare without shoes several times and even without a winter coat this past winter.
3. We had problems early on and we were ordered to attend a parenting through divorce class which the judge wanted done by the end of august of last year which I attended and she did not but has since I filed for custody.
4. She has threatened my mothers job if I did not do as she told me with our son (I have this recorded but it was a week before our divorce was final so I don't know if it can be used)
5. Our son has had several health problems including a staph infection and has had to have 4 teeth pulled out due to poor dental hygeine at only 18 months old.
6. She has an indoor/outdoor cat that has bitten and scratched our son several times (I have pictures of these as well). She now says she no longer allows the cat into the apartment.
7. She has asked me to keep our son late on a work/school night and then called after 10:30 to tell me she is to drunk to come pick him up.

My biggest problem is she was able to get a protective order against me for 90 days which she finally dropped in order to get out of going to court for comtempt which she was not at the original hearing because her lawyer said he thought it was only for their motion to dismiss.

My question is does her doing all of these things now after I filed for custody help her in court?

Also how much does the protective order hurt me even though she even said that I came over wanting to see our son because I constantly saw her without him when he was supposed to be with her and she didn't want me there?

Q: My question is does her doing all of these things now after I filed for custody help her in court?

A: Not unless you have a very naive judge.

 

[rodgersalto]

unfit mom

this happens all the time and I have seen it first hand the one thing that is the most important is your childs safety no matter what you have to do document everything~~~~~ get pictures anything that can prove she is unfit otherwise it boils down to he said she said. while you are waiting for your custody case I personally would make sure your kid is being taken care of it you have to calll child pertection or the cops in bad situations that you see if you keep doing that and the right people are notified and it is documented the paperwork eventually tells the case for the judge paperwork from the daycare on hours she spends there and physical well being of your child, anything would help

 

[CJane]

I'm gonna sum up what I think you said... let me know if I'm right.

You're filing for full custody because:

1. Mom has a cat that occasionally scratches/bites the child.

2. Mom leaves the child with you occasionally and makes an adult decision not to pick him up if she's been drinking.

3. Her house isn't clean enough.

4. The child attends daycare w/out shoes sometimes, and once without a coat.

5. Your son has had occasional health issues as well as dental issues.

6. Mom didn't attend a court ordered (and very common) class within the allotted time frame, but has since completed the class.

Questions for you:

Have you ever called CPS due to the suspected neglect?
How often is the child with you?
Did mom refuse medical treatment for the child after the infection and dental care?
How often was the child sent to daycare w/out shoes? What did you do to make sure it didn't happen again?
How cold was it when the child went without a coat? Did the child become ill afterwards?

Given what you've posted, I wouldn't count on a custody change. Honestly, you haven't listed anything that doesn't occasionally happen in the most stable and secure intact families.

 

[LdiJ]

I'm gonna sum up what I think you said... let me know if I'm right.

You're filing for full custody because:

1. Mom has a cat that occasionally scratches/bites the child.

2. Mom leaves the child with you occasionally and makes an adult decision not to pick him up if she's been drinking.

3. Her house isn't clean enough.

4. The child attends daycare w/out shoes sometimes, and once without a coat.

5. Your son has had occasional health issues as well as dental issues.

6. Mom didn't attend a court ordered (and very common) class within the allotted time frame, but has since completed the class.

Questions for you:

Have you ever called CPS due to the suspected neglect?
How often is the child with you?
Did mom refuse medical treatment for the child after the infection and dental care?
How often was the child sent to daycare w/out shoes? What did you do to make sure it didn't happen again?
How cold was it when the child went without a coat? Did the child become ill afterwards?

Given what you've posted, I wouldn't count on a custody change. Honestly, you haven't listed anything that doesn't occasionally happen in the most stable and secure intact families.

I just read an article in the last couple of days that talked about the fact that doctor's aren't recommending that you put shoes on infants and toddlers anymore, unless absolutely necessary due to being outside or weather conditions. It said that they recommended instead heavy socks with non skid soles, as being healthier for the children's feet, and bone and muscle growth.

Maybe mom read a similar article?

 

[CJane]

I just read an article in the last couple of days that talked about the fact that doctor's aren't recommending that you put shoes on infants and toddlers anymore, unless absolutely necessary due to being outside or weather conditions. It said that they recommended instead heavy socks with non skid soles, as being healthier for the children's feet, and bone and muscle growth.

Maybe mom read a similar article?

I've heard the same thing. Also, that barefoot kids tend toward higher IQs due to the amount of stimulation they receive from their environment.

My 6 month old hasn't worn shoes yet, and my 2 older kids only wear shoes if it's too cold to be barefoot and they're going to be outside, or if we're going into the store or something that requires shoes.

My 6 month old hasn't ever worn a coat either. OP's kid was only 14 months or so this past winter... still young enough to be bundled into a car seat and blanketed rather than wearing a coat. In fact, it's often recommended that a child in a car seat NOT wear a coat because the straps won't hold them properly.

 

[Noelle_71]

I'm gonna sum up what I think you said... let me know if I'm right.

You're filing for full custody because:

1. Mom has a cat that occasionally scratches/bites the child.

2. Mom leaves the child with you occasionally and makes an adult decision not to pick him up if she's been drinking.

3. Her house isn't clean enough.

4. The child attends daycare w/out shoes sometimes, and once without a coat.

5. Your son has had occasional health issues as well as dental issues.

6. Mom didn't attend a court ordered (and very common) class within the allotted time frame, but has since completed the class.

Questions for you:

Have you ever called CPS due to the suspected neglect?
How often is the child with you?
Did mom refuse medical treatment for the child after the infection and dental care?
How often was the child sent to daycare w/out shoes? What did you do to make sure it didn't happen again?
How cold was it when the child went without a coat? Did the child become ill afterwards?

Given what you've posted, I wouldn't count on a custody change. Honestly, you haven't listed anything that doesn't occasionally happen in the most stable and secure intact families.

I love it! You know, something very similar happened to me. My ex malicously said things like my house wasn't clean enough, my olders kids played video games and my youngest son was exposed to them, me working was terrible for my son, his teeth weren't clean enough, his speech wasn't perfect, ...blah blah blah blah blah.
You put the perfect twist on it and whats great is, that it isn't even a twist. It's more than likely true! People will interpret things the way they want to interpret them.
The basis of most custody filings have zero to do with our children, its about revenge, hurting the other party or trying to prove their own worth.
If parents took as much time working together as they do bashing each other over who's better, the kids would turn out happy, healthy and well adjusted.
One thing that I wonder about though...you don't mention why the judge thought it neceassary to give her a protective order to keep you away.

 

[CJane]

I love it! You know, something very similar happened to me.

It's almost exactly what my ex was saying about me (though he threw some extras in too). I couldn't believe I was on the stand in the court room answering questions like "Is it true your cat scratched and bit Youngest Child repeatedly throughout the last year?"

"Yes."

"Do you still own the cat?"

"Yes."

"Why would you own an animal that attacks your child?"

"Because I figure eventually, the child will learn to stop carrying the cat around by its head."

 

[Noelle_71]

It's almost exactly what my ex was saying about me (though he threw some extras in too). I couldn't believe I was on the stand in the court room answering questions like "Is it true your cat scratched and bit Youngest Child repeatedly throughout the last year?"

"Yes."

"Do you still own the cat?"

"Yes."

"Why would you own an animal that attacks your child?"

"Because I figure eventually, the child will learn to stop carrying the cat around by its head."

ROFL!!! OMG, did you really say that? I luv you, hehe.

 

[AHA]

The fact that an 18 month old child had to have 4 teeth pulled out due to rot or whatever else that was equally bad, is horrendous child caring by the mom/parents though.

 

[Ohiogal]

The fact that an 18 month old child had to have 4 teeth pulled out due to rot or whatever else that was equally bad, is horrendous child caring by the mom/parents though.

My question though is where was dad during all this? Did dad do nothing for the last how many months? He has a role in that.

 

[CJane]

The fact that an 18 month old child had to have 4 teeth pulled out due to rot or whatever else that was equally bad, is horrendous child caring by the mom/parents though.

Perhaps. It's also possible that medications that the child was on for various infections contributed to that. It's possible that the child has bad teeth - some kids just do. It's the reason I asked how much time the child spends with dad. If it's more than say... 1 day a week, dad has a lot of responsibility to bear for that as well.

 

[AHA]

dad has a lot of responsibility to bear for that as well.

Hence why I wrote "mom/parents" instead of just mom.

 

[Noelle_71]

The fact that an 18 month old child had to have 4 teeth pulled out due to rot or whatever else that was equally bad, is horrendous child caring by the mom/parents though.

That is so off base. My sister's husband has bad teeth, has all his life. Their son, though breastfed and never allowed to have a bottle or anything in his mouth at bedtime - teeth brushed twice a day and regular dental visits - got what is commonly called "baby bottle rot". This childs teeth literally dissolved and the parents could not have taken better care of this childs dental health. I personally went to the dentist with my sister and the dentist told us both (when my sister was blaming herself) that genetics does play a part and nothing could be done.
So, even the best care can be taken and still a childs teeth, hair, skin, whatever, can undergo some type of problems.
So, Dad and mom divorced 9 months ago, child had the teeth thing at 18 months, 4 months after the divorce? The teeth could not have undergone all this in that period.
Dad needs to take some responsibility.

 

[weenor]

OP- if your divorce is final and full custody has been awarded, nothing you have posted will be sufficient to defeat the legal burden involved in changing custody post divorce.