Does STBX need to get her own lawyer?

[Goodfella]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

I have filed for divorce and STBX will be served any day. She is aware that I filed but has made no attempt to get her own lawyer. We have discussed an amicable split, but should she get her own lawyer? We do have a minor child, which is my main concern.

For more details on my situation, see my previous post:
https://forum.freeadvice.com/divorce-separation-annulment-36/wife-wants-date-other-people-568017.html]

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

I have filed for divorce and STBX will be served any day. She is aware that I filed but has made no attempt to get her own lawyer. We have discussed an amicable split, but should she get her own lawyer? We do have a minor child, which is my main concern.

For more details on my situation, see my previous post titled "Wife wants to date other people", which is now closed.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

Yes, she should get her own lawyer.

 

[Ohiogal]

Yes, she should get her own lawyer.

But she does NOT have to get her own attorney.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? TN

I have filed for divorce and STBX will be served any day. She is aware that I filed but has made no attempt to get her own lawyer. We have discussed an amicable split, but should she get her own lawyer? We do have a minor child, which is my main concern.

For more details on my situation, see my previous post titled "Wife wants to date other people", which is now closed.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

In the future, if you want to ask more questions, please re-open your other thread or, if that's not possible, at least provide a link to it. It saves everyone time.

To answer your question, she SHOULD get her own attorney if she's smart, but she doesn't have to - and it's none of your concern one way or the other. It will have no direct impact on you either way.

 

[Goodfella]

To answer your question, she SHOULD get her own attorney if she's smart, but she doesn't have to - and it's none of your concern one way or the other. It will have no direct impact on you either way.

Something tells me I should shut up and not talk to her about any of this. No more arguing. No more fighting. Even though we need to live in the same house until the divorce is finalized.

Here's my dilemma: STBX wants to continue to see the OM. In fact, it's NYE and she's with him now. How do I know? She told me that's what she's doing tonight.
On one hand, I want to use the adultery to force her out of the house, with no alimony and limited custody. On the other hand, I feel the need to keep things amicable because I want to protect my daughter.
Revenge would be sweet, but may be fruitless and will cost me dearly in the long run. She is not a bad mom so perhaps I give up, get out and hope for 50/50 custody.

 

[mistoffolees]

Something tells me I should shut up and not talk to her about any of this. No more arguing. No more fighting. Even though we need to live in the same house until the divorce is finalized.

Here's my dilemma: STBX wants to continue to see the OM. In fact, it's NYE and she's with him now. How do I know? She told me that's what she's doing tonight.
On one hand, I want to use the adultery to force her out of the house, with no alimony and limited custody. On the other hand, I feel the need to keep things amicable because I want to protect my daughter.
Revenge would be sweet, but may be fruitless and will cost me dearly in the long run. She is not a bad mom so perhaps I give up, get out and hope for 50/50 custody.

I would urge you to speak with an attorney before making any rash decisions.

- Adultery is difficult to prove in most cases. Even if she told you she's going out with the other guy, that's not proof you can use in court. She can deny it and you have nothing. You might be surprised how hard it can be to prove adultery.
- Even if you can prove adultery, it may not affect the custody or alimony decision-or have only a minor impact.
- Divorce due to adultery will be far more acrimonious, expensive, and time consuming than an 'irreconcilable differences' divorce.

It may be better to simply reach an agreement with stbx on how you're going to handle things and then stipulate it to the court. Or it may be better to use adultery as grounds. You really need someone local who knows the local court's behavior to get good advice on that.

 

[Goodfella]

I would urge you to speak with an attorney before making any rash decisions.

- Adultery is difficult to prove in most cases. Even if she told you she's going out with the other guy, that's not proof you can use in court. She can deny it and you have nothing. You might be surprised how hard it can be to prove adultery.
- Even if you can prove adultery, it may not affect the custody or alimony decision-or have only a minor impact.
- Divorce due to adultery will be far more acrimonious, expensive, and time consuming than an 'irreconcilable differences' divorce.

It may be better to simply reach an agreement with stbx on how you're going to handle things and then stipulate it to the court. Or it may be better to use adultery as grounds. You really need someone local who knows the local court's behavior to get good advice on that.

That's what I thought. No point in pushing adultery because it will only end up costing a lot of money. This is just incredibly frustrating.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The advice here from an attorney (not me):

Love your child more than you hate your X.

 

[mistoffolees]

That's what I thought. No point in pushing adultery because it will only end up costing a lot of money. This is just incredibly frustrating.

If you go back and read my post, that's not what I said.

You should discuss it with a local attorney before making any decisions.

 

[LdiJ]

If you go back and read my post, that's not what I said.

You should discuss it with a local attorney before making any decisions.

You did infer that...and you were correct to do so. A fault divorce is always more expensive and acrimonious.

However I do agree that a discussion with his attorney is likely in order. He did state that he already hired one.

 

[st-kitts]

Your divorce attorney can represent only you, not you and your wife. You can direct your attorney to draw up an agreement that meets both your and your wife's wishes, but your attorney will be working for you. For that reason, if your STBX were here, I would say, "yes, get your own attorney" but she is not here.

I know individuals that are divorced where by mutual agreement only one party had an attorney, and where both parties are satisfied with the outcome. These people were and are amicable about the divorce. If you can still make decisions as a team and work something out that satisfies you both, it could save you both money, since your assets will be divided in some form or fashion. The money you spend on an attorney is money you and your STBX cannot spend on yourselves or your mutual child.

 

[mistoffolees]

You did infer that...and you were correct to do so. A fault divorce is always more expensive and acrimonious.

However I do agree that a discussion with his attorney is likely in order. He did state that he already hired one.

No, I didn't 'infer' anything. The word you want is 'imply'.

And I didn't imply that, either. I stated that using adultery as grounds for divorce would be more expensive and emotional, but there are also advantages. It is foolish to make a life decision looking only at the negatives (or only at the positives). It may be that he MIGHT want to use adultery as grounds - particularly if there are kids involved and if wife's behavior has been egregious enough to affect the custody decision and/or alimony.