Does this constitute a change in circumstance?

[olhobbes]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Short version of backstory: mom moved 1 hour away last summer, wanted to change our child's school. I fought it, mediator granted mom's request to move our child to the new school. The move was due to mom's marriage.

Since then, mom has left her husband due to his "anger issues", started working full time, leaving our child in various people's care during her custodial time. The first trimester report cards came out indicating behavioral problems our child is experiencing in class ( excessive crying over things like forgetting homework, ect... ).

I'm loath to go through the process again, but I'm worried for our child's well being. I am equally worried, however, that if I take this back in front of the same mediator he'll be upset for wasting the court's time. So I'm hoping to lean on the experience of some of you kind folks and the mediation process in CA; does the above constitute enough of a reason to try to bring my child back down here for school ( where I can provide her with a stable and consistent schedule and environment )?

 

[Proserpina]

I'm sorry, but what I'm seeing is a child who is getting used to a new school and who is obviously upset that Mom's getting divorced. I'm also seeing Mom utilizing a babysitter while she's working to support her child.

I'm not seeing a CoC.

(At this point)

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CA

Short version of backstory: mom moved 1 hour away last summer, wanted to change our child's school. I fought it, mediator granted mom's request to move our child to the new school. The move was due to mom's marriage.

Since then, mom has left her husband due to his "anger issues", started working full time, leaving our child in various people's care during her custodial time. The first trimester report cards came out indicating behavioral problems our child is experiencing in class ( excessive crying over things like forgetting homework, ect... ).

I'm loath to go through the process again, but I'm worried for our child's well being. I am equally worried, however, that if I take this back in front of the same mediator he'll be upset for wasting the court's time. So I'm hoping to lean on the experience of some of you kind folks and the mediation process in CA; does the above constitute enough of a reason to try to bring my child back down here for school ( where I can provide her with a stable and consistent schedule and environment )?

There isn't any hard and fast rule. Each judge would rule differently.

My gut says that it's not a significant change of circumstances. I would suggest that you spend your time and energy helping the child learn how to cope. If necessary, get him/her into counseling.

 

[olhobbes]

There isn't any hard and fast rule. Each judge would rule differently.

My gut says that it's not a significant change of circumstances. I would suggest that you spend your time and energy helping the child learn how to cope. If necessary, get him/her into counseling.

Thank you, to both of you. And I do; the weeks she's with me, we spend a lot of time learning how to handle disappointment/anger/ect... ( although, for obvious reasons, I do not mention anything about her life at her mother's house ). It will make my daughter a stronger person, but I am frustrated because I can't protect her from the chaos as I should.

Anyway, thanks again, both of you.

 

[Ohiogal]

Have you tried getting your daughter into counseling? Or going to mediation to force the issue -- before going to court to force the issue?

 

[olhobbes]

Have you tried getting your daughter into counseling? Or going to mediation to force the issue -- before going to court to force the issue?

I have tried, but mom constantly throws up roadblocks on anything that might reflect negatively on her. Furthermore, mom is going to move again sometime in the next year, out of the current school district.

It just seems more prudent to pursue a change in custody now instead of later, to avoid yanking our child out of school half way through the year ( whereas I would keep her in her current school until the end of the year ).

I would address counseling during the mediation, which it looks like I will need to do address on it's own.

 

[olhobbes]

Found out today that our child is being watched after by her 9 year old sister; she gets her ready in the morning for school and watches her until mom comes home from work in the evening. Sometimes they ride with friends, sometimes they walk.

I feel a great deal of anxiety at this situation; while I know and trust the 9 year old, she is 9 ( well, and frankly, I'm worried sick about her too, but as I can't help her at all... ). I have offered to pay for child support, but mom insists that a responsible adult is watching them, which I found out to be a lie today.

Would this change the landscape at all? I find myself unable to properly step back for an unbiased opinion due to my involvement, so I'd appreciate any input.

( Some more back story; we currently do a week on/week off custodial schedule. During my child's weeks with me, I drop her off right before school and pick her up immediately afterwards, I have a job that allows for that. )

 

[mistoffolees]

Found out today that our child is being watched after by her 9 year old sister; she gets her ready in the morning for school and watches her until mom comes home from work in the evening. Sometimes they ride with friends, sometimes they walk.

I feel a great deal of anxiety at this situation; while I know and trust the 9 year old, she is 9 ( well, and frankly, I'm worried sick about her too, but as I can't help her at all... ). I have offered to pay for child support, but mom insists that a responsible adult is watching them, which I found out to be a lie today.

Would this change the landscape at all? I find myself unable to properly step back for an unbiased opinion due to my involvement, so I'd appreciate any input.

( Some more back story; we currently do a week on/week off custodial schedule. During my child's weeks with me, I drop her off right before school and pick her up immediately afterwards, I have a job that allows for that. )

I'm getting a sense of you simply throwing as many things at the wall as you can and hoping something sticks.

Here's the way it works. Unless the child is in danger, you're probably not going to get a change of custody. If the child is in danger, you should notify the authorities rather than letting the child remain in danger for the 6-8 months it will take to get a hearing and a decision on custody.

So if you think the child is in danger, contact CPS or the police. If you don't think the child is in danger, drop it.

 

[olhobbes]

I'm getting a sense of you simply throwing as many things at the wall as you can and hoping something sticks.

Here's the way it works. Unless the child is in danger, you're probably not going to get a change of custody. If the child is in danger, you should notify the authorities rather than letting the child remain in danger for the 6-8 months it will take to get a hearing and a decision on custody.

So if you think the child is in danger, contact CPS or the police. If you don't think the child is in danger, drop it.

I'm not, but I can understand why it might seem that way. Every day I'm learning new things that are worrisome, and I'm trying to get a handle on what the best approach is.

For instance; what does "in danger" constitute? Being watched by a 9 year old certainly doesn't seem safe ( no matter how competent she is ) but what happens to the 9 year old if CPS is called?

This is a hard place for me to be in; I want to provide my child with a stable and healthy home life, but I do not want to cause the 9 year old trauma in doing so. I also understand my own internal level of what is or is not appropriate is much higher than the court's ( and mediators ), and thus I'm here asking so I don't make a bad situation worse through my ignorance.

 

[Humusluvr]

Found out today that our child is being watched after by her 9 year old sister; she gets her ready in the morning for school and watches her until mom comes home from work in the evening. Sometimes they ride with friends, sometimes they walk.

I feel a great deal of anxiety at this situation; while I know and trust the 9 year old, she is 9 ( well, and frankly, I'm worried sick about her too, but as I can't help her at all... ). I have offered to pay for child support, but mom insists that a responsible adult is watching them, which I found out to be a lie today.

Would this change the landscape at all? I find myself unable to properly step back for an unbiased opinion due to my involvement, so I'd appreciate any input.

( Some more back story; we currently do a week on/week off custodial schedule. During my child's weeks with me, I drop her off right before school and pick her up immediately afterwards, I have a job that allows for that. )

From this site, it seems the legal age for babysitting is 12. Nine year old is not even close....

https://www.freeadvice.com/law-questions/what-is-the-minimum-legal-5318.htm

Since mom is going to move AGAIN, and how many more times, I would think you WOULD have a COC. It's my totally non-legal opinion that the stability you could provide would not be wasting court time.

 

[stealth2]

From this site, it seems the legal age for babysitting is 12.

How do you get that from:

There is no legal minimum age requirement for babysitting in California.

Just because classes start at 12 does not circumvent that fact.

 

[Humusluvr]

How do you get that from:



Just because classes start at 12 does not circumvent that fact.

I read it as "is" instead of "is no." I read wrong. Mea culpa.

Even 12 made me a little uncomfortable. I can see why dad has a problem with NINE!

 

[stealth2]

IMO, a lot depends on the entirety of the situation. How long are we talking about? What sort of area do they live in - are their close-by neighbors who know the 9yo is watching a younger sibling for a short period of time? How old is the younger child? How mature is the 9yo?

Some 15yos aren't mature enough to get themselves to school, let alone a younger sibling, while some 9yos are more than able to do so. LOL My youngest was more than able to do so at 9 - more than her older brother. I had occasions when I had to be in to work early, and she would be in charge of making sure her brother got out of the house and on the bus, and then get herself going an hour later.

At the end of the day, until and unless something happens, it is not likely to cause alarm.

 

[Humusluvr]

IMO, a lot depends on the entirety of the situation. How long are we talking about? What sort of area do they live in - are their close-by neighbors who know the 9yo is watching a younger sibling for a short period of time? How old is the younger child? How mature is the 9yo?

Some 15yos aren't mature enough to get themselves to school, let alone a younger sibling, while some 9yos are more than able to do so. LOL My youngest was more than able to do so at 9 - more than her older brother. I had occasions when I had to be in to work early, and she would be in charge of making sure her brother got out of the house and on the bus, and then get herself going an hour later.

At the end of the day, until and unless something happens, it is not likely to cause alarm.

I totally agree with you that it depends on the child - but we are talking A CHILD here. A 9 year old isn't even close to an adult. They just haven't had the life experiences to be able to handle taking care of a child for a whole day, no matter how mature they are. Taking care of themselves - maybe. But a child?? I can see why OP is perturbed.

 

[Zigner]

I totally agree with you that it depends on the child - but we are talking A CHILD here. A 9 year old isn't even close to an adult. They just haven't had the life experiences to be able to handle taking care of a child for a whole day, no matter how mature they are. Taking care of themselves - maybe. But a child?? I can see why OP is perturbed.

Who said a "whole day?" We're talking about a few hours here...