Domestic Dispute in Georgia.

[Kappo]

Last Tuesday my boyfriend and I had an argument. It was VERY heated and I called my brother to come over and mediate until we could have some cooler heads. Now, during this argument it at no point became physical and at no point (other than yelling and screaming at each other) did it become out of hand.

When my brother pulled up he heard us inside yelling at each other. He proceeds to bang the front door VIGOROUSLY with a bat. I went downstairs and he walked in (the door was unlocked). My boyfriend, not wanting any kind of confrontation, went into the computer room and locked himself in. My brother threatened to break the door down and my boyfriend stated that he simply wanted us to leave so that he could get some things and go cool off for a while. Me and my brother agreed and got into our cars and drove to the front of the apartment complex.

At this point my boyfriend called me on my cellular phone and explained that he was leaving in just a few minutes after he got his things together. At this time my brother ran into someone else's house and called the police. By the time I had figured out that the police were indeed on their way to my home my boyfriend had already left, not knowing that the police were on thier way.

Upon thier arrival I was HYSTERICAL. Crying and not wanting the police there, I have NO idea what I said to them. I went to my mother's house and finally fell asleep without speaking to my boyfriend to tell him all the events that happened without his knowledge. The next morning I go home to call the police just to make sure everything was ok and that they would need no more information from us.

FIRST the person stated that she had no warrants or anything out for him. 10 minutes later the police show up and storm my home looking for him. I was trying to get them to tell me what the problem was and they told me that he was wanted for Aggrevated Assault, Terroristic Threats, and Simple Battery. Needless to say I was appauled and amazed that this had happened.

Now, mind you, I was not in an extremely stable moment when the police were there. I had told my brother not to call the police, yet they had shown up. My child was screaming about how much he was scared of the police and I simply wanted to get away from the situation. BUT the police tell me that *I* was the one that told him something about my boyfriend holding a knife to my throat, beating me up, and threatening me. ALL of this is not true! I called the police officer and me, my mother and father rode down to the police station and spoke with the officer that took out the charges. I NEVER ONCE signed anything. I told him the exact events of the evening and he added to the original police report.

So now I sit here with my boyfriend out here not knowing that he is wanted (I am POSITIVE that he will turn himself in IMMEDIATELY when he finds out, especially knowing that he is not guilty of any of this), my child SCARED TO DEATH of the police, and me not being listened to by ANYONE. HOW can I get this taken care of? I NEED some advise on what I should do! PLEASE help me!

I have spoken with the assistant DA of my county, the original police officer, and have made arrangements for a lawyer (who can really only come into play once he turns himself in). What else can I do? The police officer says that they will not listen to the victim (the ONLY witness to these SUPPOSED events that happened) and will go from the ORIGINAL police report, despite my hysteria on that night. Is this true? Will they convict someone that is COMPLETLY innocent for this? Please help me!

 

[Rhonda Luscavag]

Help her

Somebody please help this girl. She sounds so young and inexperienced. I may be in trouble myself, but at least I'm old enough to know better.

 

[Kappo]

Well I may not be THAT young (28), but I havent had to deal with anything of this nature before. I am very intelligent and all of my family (including my boyfriend) are good people with decent and respectable jobs.

I simply have been crying the entire time since this happened and I need some help. Someone at the DA's office told me that I should shoot for a pre-arrest probable cause hearing if I could get one, which they said was doubtful. Someone else recommended that I go before the grand jury and request that these charges be dismissed. But with how much I have been turned away and dismissed as the victim who has no say so in what actually HAPPENED.

Does anyone know where my voice fits into this situation? I was NOT the one that called the police, but I AM the ONLY other person that was there! Does anyone know who I can speak to in order to get my life picked up from these shambles? Please help!

 

[alax]

OK--tell us just a little more, so maybe the attorneys on this site can help you. Were you by any chance intoxicated at the time? How about your boyfriend? If you left and went to your mother's house, where was your child? If your child was with you, was this child not traumatized by the events of the night in question?
Can not your brother testify? What about neighbors? It sounds like it was kind of noisy that night--were there any other witnesses? Are you sure you're not having a guilt reaction to having reported the boyfriend to the police?
And, this is not information that the attorneys may or may not need, it's my opinion as someone who has a little knowledge (which can be dangerous!) that your scenario sound somewhat like an abusive situation or at the least a controlling relationship that has you jumping through hoops to save it and your boyfriend, when what you really need to do is to get out of it. After all, your brother saw fit to show up prepared to do battle on your behalf and I'm thinking maybe it's because he knows the history in this relationship. Am I right? (please don't be mean to me if I'm not right!)

 

[Kappo]

Ok no, easily said, we have no history of violent arguments, the police have never been called before and my brother hates him. My dad told me that I should have NEVER called my brother because he hates him. Well I did not know that. There is no violence in his history at all. I wont be mean, but I am offended that I have been stereotyped as a woman whom is protecting someone or feels guilty that she told on someone whom is guilty.
Its this simple. I was hysterical, the police claim that I said things that I do NOT remember saying and that are untrue. I have no physical injurys, cuts scrapes or bruises. My child is traumatized that he isnt with us right now. I am a VERY strong woman. I work hard and have worked hard to where I have gotten in life. I would never take crap from a guy.......never. Its not in my history either and most people know that battered woman have battered historys. They also lack self confidence and many other things. I dont. I want the charges gone because he is INNOCENT. The police felt like they were protecting me, ok I understand, but the truth is out now and they are ONLY hurting my child and my own life. Any advice? This is in the state of Georgia in Cobb county.

 

[alax]

Thanks, I have a better understanding, and I guess an attorney who reads this will, too. I used to live in GA, and I'm familiar with Cobb County, too. (still have some business relationships in GA). It's my opinion that GA still has a 'good ole boys' law enforcement attitude, business attitude, and political attitude.
Do you know any of the 'good ole boys'? that's usually a big, big help. How about your dad, does he?
I'm trying to understand the hysteria to the point of saying things you don't remember, and I know adrenaline rushes can cause this, like in extreme anger, etc.
I hope the grand jury listens to reason and doesn't want to clog the system with this, if what you say is true, which is what I'm assuming.
And just a note, abused women do not always enter the relationship with low self-esteem; being treated that way by someone you love and trust destroys self-esteem, and you would probably be surprized at some leading women in GA who have been there and done that. It took great effort for them to get out.
GA's a beautiful state, and not every law enforcement person, business leader, and politician there is in the 'good ole boy' network, so for that one or two, I'm not referring to you.

 

[Kappo]

Actually whats crazy is that my father just got done serving on the grand jury himself for weeks. He aquainted himself with Barry locks and barry did remember him as I spoke with him. Everyone is afraid. I understand , I really do. They dont want their name on the cancelled warrant and for me to end up dead then THEY have to live with it and are scared of possible family lawsuits. My father and mother both told the police officer that he was NOT that kind of person and my dad told him if he even felt a HINT that this was really going on, he would be the one in jail or with warrants. My father and mother are both Very willing to sign statements that accept all the liabity of the charges being dropped and that they would never sue anyone due to their extreme confidence of knowing he would never do anything like this.
They also told the police officer of my history of violent emotional outburts and problems and how I say things to hurt people. Its MY problem. I was seeing a therapist this year for it and my mother even warned my boyfriend about it when we first were together. I know I need to get help for my problems and have been making steps to do that, but now that this has happend, how can I live with something I MAY have said causing an innocent man to end up in prison? There has GOT to be something or someone who will listen.......

*edit*
WHat would be the consequences if I turned myself in for giving false information to a police officer? I should be the one suffering inside bars, not him. I am suffering SO Much out here, but I rather be taking the fault in this due to my problems

 

[alax]

Whoa now! Don't make a bad situation worse! Don't go and say you made false statements to a police officer! Get some advice from an attorney before you do anything else.
But, you did add some more information, and I think you added useful information, too. You were seeing a therapist, right? You might be able to get some help in this situation from that. I don't know, but maybe you could get a copy of your own records and take them with you.
As to what you can do to set this right and keep it from happening again, go back to therapy. Sometimes we need that kind of support in order to understand ourselves and learn how to live with the 'sack of rocks' we all have to tote around. You may need to always be in therapy so that you have a wonderful, productive life.
It sounds like you have supportive parents, and that's something you should be eternally thankful for.
I don't know you're religious beliefs, and they aren't any of my business, but just in case it does have a place in your life, there is this program (I think it's an 8 week study), called "Making Peace with Your Past". It's about getting back to where you were when you were born and accepting that when you were born, you were as perfect and innocent as anyone can be--the way God made you, and that how you feel about yourself now is from what happened during your life, etc. You can learn to overcome negativity and get a positive feeling of self-worth. I took the class 7 years ago, and it cleared my head and my soul enough to move forward from a serious depression to having a worthwhile life full of opportunities and self-confidence.
Good luck! and, I don't mind if you email me to talk more about what's on your heart and your soul, I'm a stranger to you, and I can listen and listen.

 

[Kappo]

Thank you so much for your advice... I will be contacting my therapist as well and tell her what happend. Maybe she can help....... im such a wreck right now and have to be strong to make sure i keep moving along with what is right.