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Domestic Violence, Abusive Teenage Brother

#1
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wisconsin

I have a question regarding Parental Termination on my abusive teenager brother. My mother is too scared to give up her Parental rights on my abusive brother because she thinks it'll take many years in court, the cost of paying court fees, and cost to paying a lawyer. I want to know, how long does it take in court for her to give up her Parental rights? How much will it cost? Under what reasons is she allowed to give up her rights? The process in doing so?

My mother is a single mother who has been providing for 7 kids for 20+ years, now 5 since two kids don't live with her currently. She's a ESL teacher and has been through so much in life, including being a survivor of a domestic violence relationship with my ex-father (now they're divorced). She is now dealing with domestic abuse with my younger teenager brother who has been abusive for more than 7 years now. She's dealt with paying for hospital bills these last couple of years and is still paying for some because of my abusive brother's mental health problems, his medicine bills (depression, anxiety meds, and Psychotropic drugs), her medicine bills for her health problems (high blood pressure medicine b/c of stroke a few years back, gout medicine, and cholesterol meds). My teenage brother has been abusive since 4th or 5th grade. He has mentally and physically abused my mother, siblings, and my mother's house. We've tried almost everything already and nothing has helped so far over the years. We called the police so many times and explained the situation to them over and over again, but they took him only for an hour and called us to pick him up to take him home. Sometimes they would send him to the mental hospital, which we had to pay more than $5,000 just for his one-day stay there. And the mental hospital didn't even help him, they just gave him a room and that's it. We tried therapy sessions as well, even family therapy, but both still did nothing to solve his abusive problem because he didn't want to change himself. Sometimes he would lie and play the victim game to making it seem like he didn't do any of those abusive stuff he did. Like the incident where he broke the house doors or strangled my sister while she driving home after picking him up from school. We even tried putting him on meds (anxiety, depression, and other meds) because he was suicidal, but that also still didn't help. We even tried school counseling, M.U.T.T. team, and the F.I.S.T. program. None helped too. Some of the programs are even giving up on helping because they don't know what to do if the person doesn't want to change. My mother also doesn't even want to call the M.U.T.T. team anymore b/c they'll just send him to the mental hospital where she has to pay huge fees just for sending him there. She doesn't have enough money in her paycheck to be paying for that. She still has to pay house bills and make a living. *sighs*

My mom is at her ends to this issue that feels like it'll never have an end until we're murdered by him. She can't be paying for his medicine bills the rest of life and living in fear that he'll kill us one day. He's 17 and will be 18 next year. He doesn't see how hard it is for my mom to be providing a house for him, feeding him, and working to give him a better future. Today he threatened and followed my mother around the house demanding she give him a scissor so he could cut himself just because he was "embarrassed" she called him on the school announcement Friday to go home since she couldn't find him. She had an emergency to fix her car that day too because it broke down and so she needed to find him at school before the people who will fix her car closed that night. He held a grudge over something like that. Like how stupid is that? And since she kept saying "no" to him, he threatened he was going to kill someone and held her wrist to block her from leaving the bathroom. He then proceeded to break her walls, then her lamp in her room, and pushed her. I don't understand why there isn't a law against abusive teenagers like this who will mentally and physically abuse their siblings and parents to get what they want. I really don't know what to do. I've searched the internet and their doesn't seem to be much help online on problems like this regarding domestic violence on abusive teenagers towards their family members.
 

HRZ

Senior Member
#2
MOm needs some legal talent to review her options as to an out of control teen.....one cannot merely boot them .

It may be possible to,boot him 1 second after he turns 18...but be careful ...get legal input ...there might be laws to care for him until,his disability is abated to point he can be self,supporting.

Any threats or actual violence should get prompt police follow up and any relevant charges filed

THis is Moms peoblem ...and you need to be supportive but not meddling ....

If he threatens or hits you...you follow up with law enforcement.
 

xylene

Senior Member
#3
Who are you in this? Are you a minor?

You need to extricate yourself from this dynamic.

This entire situation sounds extremely codependent and the person you need to protect is you.

If you are a minor, have you discussed what is going on with anyone like a guidance counselor or social services to get help for yourself?

If you are an adult you need to consider not living in this situation.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
#4
I agree that Mom needs to be pro-active in seeking services - asking anyone and everyone possible for resources. Calling everyone, leaving no stone unturned.

One thing she needs to bear in mind is, if there are younger children in the home, doing nothing may lead to them being removed if something happens that the authorities feel places them in danger.

It is unlikely that she will be able to simply terminate rights. (And btw? Your father is just that - he is NOT your ex-father simply because he & Mom divorced.)
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
#5
I agree that Mom needs to be pro-active in seeking services - asking anyone and everyone possible for resources. Calling everyone, leaving no stone unturned.

One thing she needs to bear in mind is, if there are younger children in the home, doing nothing may lead to them being removed if something happens that the authorities feel places them in danger.

It is unlikely that she will be able to simply terminate rights. (And btw? Your father is just that - he is NOT your ex-father simply because he & Mom divorced.)
I am thinking that the OP was talking about a stepparent.
 

sp7233

Junior Member
#7
Safety

Your mom might want to reach out to local or national resources, 211 (for local resources:legal, clinic, therapy etc), the VictimConnect Resource Center (assists victims of different crimes to know about what their rights and options are), Boys Town National Hotline (provides short-term crisis counseling, referrals to local resources and emergency intervention as needed for youth who are struggling. Operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week with highly trained professional counselors.)
Despite your brothers mental illness he still needs to be held accountable for his actions.

Implementing a safety plan might also be a really great way to address some concerns while you guys try and figure out what the best plan of actions is and what is within your capability per the law. That could be knowing which room is the safest for your younger siblings, documenting this behavior (taking pictures of broken items, going to the doctor when assaulted by him, etc), counseling, removing any guns (& possible weapons: if concerned about knives, forks, etc) maybe replacing them with plastic forks, etc), buddy system, etc.

I know where you're coming from, my brother is mentally ill and is constantly terrorizing my parents while refusing to take his medication and continuing to drink. It sucks.

BTW you or you mom can try calling the non-emergency line of your local police department and letting them know you "have a friend" and this is what is going on, what can they do for safety, options, etc.
 
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