Doozy of a Situation

[cyberhoutx]

Hi - Wanted to see if anyone has gone through something similar. This will be long, so I hope some of you will read and give your thoughts.

Background:
I am the non-custodial parent of a disabled adult (21).
I live in Texas and the custodial parent lives in Michigan. Visits are primarily during the summer months of June -August and if I go see her or have her visit for Christmas.

My ex was diagnosed with Cancer and asked if I could start my regular summer visit with my daughter a month early for her to address her treatments. I escorted my daughter to Texas, May 1 of this year. She asked if I could bring her back in Sept for her to go to school. I agreed. She then changed the return to October, then Nov, then Dec and today now wants end of Jan or mid Feb.

Each ask, I have moved and shuffled my work obligations around to a point that I can no longer move them, and I am scheduled to travel mid Jan throughout the first qtr. of the year.

My wife (my daughter's stepmother) has been the primary caregiver while I am working now. She has shuffled life items around for each schedule change, including doctor appts and assisting a family member who has cancer and needs help.

I have tried to be accommodating as possible during this difficult time for my ex and her medical condition but cannot continue to push things out further and further without major impact to my career and my relationship with my wife.

She is being very unreasonable and threating court action

Could a court really force me to keep custody of my daughter? (not to say I don't want to keep her)
See items below for some more context

A few other items of note
During the time my daughter is with me, I have maintained my child support payments of $2K per month. My ex has sent me a total of $500 for her care and activities.

During this time my ex has asked me to consider alternative custody (6/6 split) and when I responded I would do so, but would need to change this in court legally - she backed off, especially when I said if we are doing a 50/50 split that would be for not just custody but for finances and other items: She would not get child support for the 6 months that my daughter is with me. Currently I fly both ways to pick up and drop off my daughter between Texas and Michigan and have said the would need to cover one leg of the trip (where they bring her or pick her up)

I truly believe my ex and her husband are dependent on the child support as part of their overall finances. While they do provide my daughter with items that would have some costs - I cannot see how my daughters care is $2K per month. I purchase her clothes ever summer visit and give her items at Christmas, as I only get old clothes for her visits; and have provided financial assistance and cover her medical insurance.

I am happy to care for my daughter on a 6/6 split or even take over her custody full time (with a plan that allows me to ensure she always has care), but not with some time to plan for longer term care and not without changes the financial arrangement.

As of now the current agreement is that my current financial obligation is in effect util the age of 26 or if my daughter is no longer in school; at that point the financial obligation goes to $500 per month. She has already breached the school as she has been with me and the laws for attending high school are different in Texas than Michigan (age 26).

One final item - I do believe my daughter is getting disability SSI payments as well (cannot confirm but do know it was discussed prior).


I understand this is a one-sided story, but I am asking for advice if anyone has dealt with anything like this or just your thoughts. My main concern is my daughter, but a close second is my job as it is needed to continue to take care of her.

 

[zddoodah]

I am the non-custodial parent of a disabled adult (21).

"Disabled" encompasses anything from someone with an artificial limb to someone who is a complete vegetable, so saying someone is "disabled" without any explanation tells us nothing.

She is being very unreasonable and threating court action

Court action to do what?

Could a court really force me to keep custody of my daughter?

Could? Yes. Would? Likely not.

I am asking for advice

You need to decide what you want to do. If you want to return your daughter to her mother's custody, do it. If you want her to live with you full time, then consult with a family law attorney in the state where the existing custody/visitation/support order was entered about seeking a modification.

 

[AlmostThere]

What is the situation with your ex-wife's health and medical treatment? Is she physically able to care for your child? And what if she is not?

I think you need to consult with an attorney and prepare for the possibility that you will become your child's primary custodian should she be temporarily or permanently unable to care for your child.

 

[cyberhoutx]

Thanks for the input. See below

"Disabled" encompasses anything from someone with an artificial limb to someone who is a complete vegetable, so saying someone is "disabled" without any explanation tells us nothing.

- She has Down Syndrome

Court action to do what?

- to make me continue watching here for a few additional weeks because she says she needs help (although she has not tried to check into any assistance)

Could? Yes. Would? Likely not.

I thought the same

You need to decide what you want to do. If you want to return your daughter to her mother's custody, do it. If you want her to live with you full time, then consult with a family law attorney in the state where the existing custody/visitation/support order was entered about seeking a modification.

I know I will and will want to legal change things to ensure it is clear. For me it is not the case of not wanting my daughter or not even willing to help out my ex (as I have been). I have scheduled my work travel and will not be present to watch her nor will my wife as she has been putting off her own medical procedures and needing to help her family member who is going through medical issues. My wife has happily watched and changed her schedule, but we are now in a spot that we can't change those plans now. With this unknowing of timing and my ex, continuous talks about wanting me to have my daughter more - I just felt like, If I plan for her to be with me on more permanent basis -that might make it easier as I know when to expect having my daughter, and just take over being the custodial parent. Until recent months a change in custody had not been brought up, so I was not prepared for watching my daughter on a longer term basis and have been going through adjustments.

 

[cyberhoutx]

What is the situation with your ex-wife's health and medical treatment? Is she physically able to care for your child? And what if she is not?

I think you need to consult with an attorney and prepare for the possibility that you will become your child's primary custodian should she be temporarily or permanently unable to care for your child.

 

[cyberhoutx]

What is the situation with your ex-wife's health and medical treatment? Is she physically able to care for your child? And what if she is not?

The time frame we are discussion for this situation; she will be 9 months into a treatment plan for low stage cancer. The majority of her issues and what was considered the most crucial timing treatments were addressed in May - she has a follow up procedure in mid-December (pushed out because she didn't schedule for Nov as she was instructed to do). Based on my travel I was able to watch my daughter through Mid Jan (4 weeks after her follow up). She is insisting that I keep my daughter through End of Jan and really wants me to have her through the first week of Feb. I cannot answer if she is physically able - however she has not made any attempts to look for any assistance with care. I would hire care to help on my end, but cannot afford it with the child support I pay to my ex - but believe she should be able to with what I pay her and with all the payments she received while my daughter has been with me this year.

I think you need to consult with an attorney and prepare for the possibility that you will become your child's primary custodian should she be temporarily or permanently unable to care for your child.

Thank you - I have been working on that as I have the same thoughts. Regardless of her medical outcome and her ability, I think it would be best to just have my daughter full time (and for me to be able to plan for her care)