drug testing?

[cabano]

What is the name of your state? California

I suspect my ex-husband is using drugs. I actually have evidence of it. I am concerned about the effects on the children. I don't know if he's ever used drugs when with them but he's often late, agitated, and has an explosive temper. My son has been in therapy for the past 6 months due to anxiety and I now feel it's directley related to what's going on with his father. Can I get a court order to have him drug tested? What are the ramifications of ordering a test?
Concerned,
Cabano

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

You are going to have to have PROOF for a judge to entertain this. What is the custody agreement?

 

[cabano]

didn't understand

I didn't understand how to use the sight. No I don't have direct proof, just my brother telling me that he knew of some activity, and my son found a speed pipe in one of his shoes when they came home from thier dads house. Do I need proof?

 

[casa]

I didn't understand how to use the sight. No I don't have direct proof, just my brother telling me that he knew of some activity, and my son found a speed pipe in one of his shoes when they came home from thier dads house. Do I need proof?

In custody issues~ Parents often accuse one another of drug use/abuse, etc. etc....What constitutes "Proof" is: Police reports/arrests/DUI/rehab, etc. Otherwise, it's simply "He said, She said"...and your brother is definately not an unbiased source.

 

[ezmarelda]

Is there a posibility that your X would take the test volintarily??? I know mine thought he could "beat the test"

 

[cabano]

voluntary test?

well, I could suggest it, he would probably react as though he were offended and refuse but there's no harm in asking. if he's not using then he'll agree to it.

 

[casa]

well, I could suggest it, he would probably react as though he were offended and refuse but there's no harm in asking. if he's not using then he'll agree to it.

My nuttyX accused me of drug use also...he even 'doctored' some pictures of illegal substances saying he found them & they were mine I too refused the test, not becaue I was using drugs, but because of the ridiculousness of it. The judge refused to order the test, as there was no 'evidence' to support my nuttyX's theory of drug use. Once the judge refused to order it, THEN I took one & submitted the results. No one on either side seemed to care anymore

Point is: It's a VERY common accusation. If your X is indeed using speed~ it's only a matter of time before the evidence you need will present itself.

 

[cabano]

since you have experience with this....does this seem like enough evidence?

-my son finding his meth pipe
-periodic lapses in communication with the kids
-drastic weight loss
-agitation

I care for my ex. He's a nice guy and we've remained friends so I don't have any reason to accuse him of anything.....my concern is how his behavior affecting the kids so instead of trying to get him to change, I'm taking my kids to pre-alanon meetings. I'm just worried that if he's strung out or tired from being up all night there could be a car accident or something when he's with the kids. there are lot's of ways drug use can affect the people around you.

 

[casa]

since you have experience with this....does this seem like enough evidence?

-my son finding his meth pipe
-periodic lapses in communication with the kids
-drastic weight loss
-agitation

I care for my ex. He's a nice guy and we've remained friends so I don't have any reason to accuse him of anything.....my concern is how his behavior affecting the kids so instead of trying to get him to change, I'm taking my kids to pre-alanon meetings. I'm just worried that if he's strung out or tired from being up all night there could be a car accident or something when he's with the kids. there are lot's of ways drug use can affect the people around you.

Yes, drugs are definately a negative all the way around! The problem is, weight loss and lapses in communication with the kids aren't enough in themselves to 'prove' his drug use. The child finding a pipe is serious, however, a judge is unlikely to take a child's word for what they found at the other parent's house. In fact, CA judges don't like to involve children in court proceedings at all. That's why we have GALs, CASAs, and Minor's Attorneys in this state...it's their job to represent the child(ren) in custody cases.

A more reliable way to get the information out is counseling...the children can talk to a counselor about what they've witnessed or been going through...and then the counselor's records can be part of a court case IF you file to modify visitation/custody based on your suspicions.

 

[Ohiogal]

since you have experience with this....does this seem like enough evidence?

-my son finding his meth pipe

How do you know it was your ex's meth pipe? How does your son know what a meth pipe looks like? How do you know what it is your son saw?

-periodic lapses in communication with the kids

Maybe he travels, is away from home and his cell phone (if he has one because some people don't) was broke or not charged, or he has family issues to deal with which is why he has periodic lapses.

-drastic weight loss

How drastic? I lost 100 pounds in three months and I was not doing drugs. There are other causes for "drastic" weight loss. Prove it was due to drugs.

-agitation

I was agitated quite a bit dealing with my ex right after the divorce. had nothing to do with drugs.

I care for my ex. He's a nice guy and we've remained friends so I don't have any reason to accuse him of anything.....my concern is how his behavior affecting the kids so instead of trying to get him to change, I'm taking my kids to pre-alanon meetings. I'm just worried that if he's strung out or tired from being up all night there could be a car accident or something when he's with the kids. there are lot's of ways drug use can affect the people around you.

the point being, all your proof is easily explained away and has nothing to do with drugs. You "feel" that your son's anxiety is due to this? your opinion is not going to get you anywhere in court. If the counselor attributed it to dad's drug use after speaking to dad and having evidence of drug use then you might have a point to make. But you are stuck with no "proof" and a bunch of supposition.

 

[cabano]

My son found the pipe in his shoes after they came home with him (from dad's) in a bag with some of his belongings. I have the pipe in my possession and did some research to find out it was a meth pipe. my son did not know what kind of pipe it was. My son (daughter is too young) is in counseling which is helping, but I get it......I don't have enough proof to request drug testing. Thanks for all the feedback.

 

[Ohiogal]

My son found the pipe in his shoes after they came home with him (from dad's) in a bag with some of his belongings. I have the pipe in my possession and did some research to find out it was a meth pipe. my son did not know what kind of pipe it was. My son (daughter is too young) is in counseling which is helping, but I get it......I don't have enough proof to request drug testing. Thanks for all the feedback.

Yep you don't have enough proof. As for the pipe, you would have to prove that it was your ex's though. It was in his shoes after it came back from dad's. Can you prove that dad put it there? Can you prove that your son didn't get it from anyone else? Can you prove that no one else touched son's bag or had access to son's bag to put it in there?You can't prove that dad owns it or has it or even had it at this point (maybe fingerprints but that will be extremely expensive and if dad doesn't have a criminal record or his fingerprints are not on file that would take a court order as well and your fingerprints will also be on it). It is in your possession. You weren't at dad's to see dad possessing it. Plus you looked it up on the internet. It could have been used for something else. It may never have had meth in it. Some items are not drug paraphenilia under the law unless you can prove that is what they were used for.

I am glad your son is in counseling. Hopefully when your daughter gets older you will continue i with her.

 

[weenor]

Quote from Ohiogal I lost 100 pounds in three months and I was not doing drugs. There are other causes for "drastic" weight loss. Prove it was due to drugs.


Please share that secret, I think many of us may want to know.