DSS Investigator's Report

[CJane]

What is the name of your state? MO

This is a summary, because the thing is like 18 pages long, but I picked it up on Friday.

Stepmom called DSS at 11am on Friday 7/27 and reported that the children are inadequately supervised in my care, that I was unemployed and 'didn't want anyone to find out', and that I have never supervised the kids properly - example given? When Unruly was 2 (and we were still married), she got ahold of a permanent marker and drew on herself and the recliner. "This is just one example of the complete lack of supervision while Mother is in charge." Also, allegations that I am addicted to internet pronography and have been for years were made.

Other than the stupid example, and the fact that there are WAY better ones like when Wild cut off ALL of her hair and spent 2 years looking like a cancer patient or someone suffering from mange, or when Wild was 5 and playing in the chicken coop and found a knife that she stuck herself in the head with... or even when Unruly was 2 and pushed the screen out of her bedroom window and we found her playing on the swingset during naptime... What's up with me being unemployed as a reason I might be unfit?

Stupidhead called DSS at 1pm on the same day. He reported that the kids are left alone for up to 6 hours at a time. That I am 'constantly' surfing porn online and exposing the kids to it, that we've moved so frequently that the kids don't even know our address, that they have no idea who to call in an emergency, and that even if they did I don't have a phone. He also alleged that the babysitter does not properly supervise the children, that Unruly has fallen off her bike at the babysitter's house and nearly been hit by a car, that she was attacked by a dog while in the babysitter's care, and that the house - which he admitted he'd never been inside of - is filthy, dark and 'emits a foul odor'.

Obviously, I'm HERE way too much to be surfing porn all the time... I DO leave the kids alone occasionally - for a max of about 2 hours - which DSS said was fine. The investigator actually said that given the kids' maturity levels, he felt that 4 hours was not extreme.

The babysitter's explanation of the 'attack' is EXACTLY the same as Unruly's. She was playing with a neighbor's dog and it got excited and jumped on her. It scratched her leg. Both of them said "SH is making a much larger deal of this than is necessary" (actually, unruly said "Dad's just making something out of nothing")

The nearly hit by a car thing... never happened.

His other allegation had to do with an incident around Easter in which Unruly was bathing and decided it'd be a good idea to use a large glass jar to rinse her hair with. She dropped it, it broke, and she cut her tummy. Small cut, no guts falling out. Stupidhead stated that she'd severely injured herself and was 'forced' to care for it herself because I was on the internet.

I was actually playing Crash Bandicoot w/Wild in their bedroom at the time, and didn't know what had happened til she came and told me. Which is exactly what Unruly told the investigator.

DSS called the GAL who stated that she's 'not at all surprised' that DSS was called, but that she'd found me to properly supervise the children, that I was NOT unfit and that Stupidhead had pursued his case all the way to the appeals court and hadn't won yet.

I liked that part best.

Obviously, they interviewed the kids and found no reason to be concerned. All three kids were judged to be 'happy, content and secure in their home'. Wild and Unruly both rattled off our address, their dad's address, our previous address, D'man's address, etc. Wild showed the investigator her cell phone w/all the appropriate numbers programmed in, and also told him that she knows all of our neighbors well enough to go to them for help (we live in a 6plex) in an emergency.

My question is... is this report something that can/should be included in my contempt filing, and if so, how? There IS a clause in the court order about not speaking derogatorily about either party ... and TO ME alleging over and over that I'm a porn addict is derogatory... but I don't know if I should play this particular card yet or wait for another report...

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Gee - your SH's wife does exactly like my X's GF. Just where do they find them?

I'm inclined to never include anything from Child Protective Services only cuz I've had too many interactions from the over-involved GF's etc. But, it does show how SHE stirs up stuff.

 

[LdiJ]

I have a strong feeling that DSS expected to find the report "unfounded". Half of that was just plain stupid.

In fact, the whole thing was stupid. Them making the calls in the first place was stupid. What did they really hope to accomplish?

 

[CJane]

I have a strong feeling that DSS expected to find the report "unfounded". Half of that was just plain stupid.

In fact, the whole thing was stupid. Them making the calls in the first place was stupid. What did they really hope to accomplish?

Ya know, I really think they thought several things might happen...

1) They'd actually remove the kids pending an investigation.
2) The babysitter would be so pissed at ME that she'd quit and I'd be w/out child care on my days.
3) I'd be so angry at them that I'd violate the restraining order.

That's really all I can think of.

 

[Ohiogal]

Alleging you are a porn addict is defamation per se.

 

[peppier]

You left out the fact that they could TRULY be that deluded. They just think they need to find that one person who will see it.

You see it everyday on this site. People who try to convince everyone that the other parent has NO redeemming qualities and are basically the Devil Incarnate. They want what they want so badly that they actually believe their own lies and it becomes an obsession. They dwell on things and before you know it, each incidence grows into a sinister occurence and they are the only ones capable of rescuing the child from a life of hell.

Can you tell I have some people like this in my life?

I can't believe the bit about the marker. Rolling my eyes until I'm dizzy. I can't begin to tell you all the "adventures" I had with my kids and I was an excellent mother but I didn't keep them tied to me 24/7/365.

 

[CJane]

Alleging you are a porn addict is defamation per se.

That's what I was wondering... but is that a separate issue from the contempt?

Also, since it affects the babysitter's livlihood to have an report on her record... does SHE have recourse?

And does the fact that the court already heard all of their allegations of porn addiction/internet addiction and so did the GAL and no one felt it was a concern at all or I wouldn't have won my case and the appeals court wouldn't have found in my favor... just seems like there should be something I can DO. KWIM?

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You left out the fact that they could TRULY be that deluded. They just think they need to find that one person who will see it.

You see it everyday on this site. People who try to convince everyone that the other parent has NO redeemming qualities and are basically the Devil Incarnate. They want what they want so badly that they actually believe their own lies and it becomes an obsession. They dwell on things and before you know it, each incidence grows into a sinister occurence and they are the only ones capable of rescuing the child from a life of hell.

Can you tell I have some people like this in my life?

I can't believe the bit about the marker. Rolling my eyes until I'm dizzy. I can't begin to tell you all the "adventures" I had with my kids and I was an excellent mother but I didn't keep them tied to me 24/7/365.

Peppier, you hit the ball on the mark with me with this commentary.

 

[Ohiogal]

That's what I was wondering... but is that a separate issue from the contempt?

Also, since it affects the babysitter's livlihood to have an report on her record... does SHE have recourse?

And does the fact that the court already heard all of their allegations of porn addiction/internet addiction and so did the GAL and no one felt it was a concern at all or I wouldn't have won my case and the appeals court wouldn't have found in my favor... just seems like there should be something I can DO. KWIM?

It can be a separate legal action from contempt. But it can also fit in to the harassing portion of the program.

 

[CJane]

You left out the fact that they could TRULY be that deluded. They just think they need to find that one person who will see it.

You see it everyday on this site. People who try to convince everyone that the other parent has NO redeemming qualities and are basically the Devil Incarnate. They want what they want so badly that they actually believe their own lies and it becomes an obsession. They dwell on things and before you know it, each incidence grows into a sinister occurence and they are the only ones capable of rescuing the child from a life of hell.

Ok, but see, that's my secret option 4 that scares the crap outta me. Because if that's what it is, it means they're truly crazy and I still have to facilitate a relationship with crazy people. So I really don't like that option at all.

 

[majomom1]

What happens if you don't include it now? Would the court look at it as unimportant later, because you didn't include it here?

I get the same crap from my ex, although not through DSS... just in emails and verbal, but to me this is derogatory, harassment AND it is wasting government offices time. I thought false allegations of abuse were supposed to get stiff penalties.

I personally could see you including it... get EVERYTHING on the table and say you are tired of this crap!

 

[CJane]

Well, here's the deal and my main struggle with what to bring up when...

We're going to end up in court for another modification w/in the next 8 - 12 months. Stupidhead's wife is insisting that they move to a nearby suburb rather than out in the country. She's been isisting they do-so since they got married, and she's been telling the kids that they'll be changing schools next year and so they 'shouldn't get too comfortable'...

Anyway, his house isn't even on the market yet and I know it could take awhile to sell... but I will fight to retain primary custody if he moves - and since they use his address for school purposes, changing them to a school 30 miles from me is a big move that makes MY time with the kids very difficult to practice...

So I don't know how closely I should play my cards prior to THAT.

 

[peppier]

I know and I don't envy you but you can look at the bright side, you are away from the situation and you can help ease the way for your girls. I'm thinking that they will need unconditional love, by this I mean, verbalized unconditional love along with firm disipline.

I don't mean to be presumptious but the ex and wife seem to be fanatics and fanatics love to judge and unfortunately, give whatever they're fanatic abou,t a bad name. It is almost impossible to live up to the expectations of a fanatic, one can never be perfect enough.

You seem to have a firm grasp on reality and a lot of love and pride in your children and children are resilient, especially when they have a rock to cling to and you can guide them through it.

On the other hand, I hope you kick their arses in court and I would hope that they could see that they are hurting the children.

It would be nice if the kids could be allowed to love both parents and have no guilt for loving both of them and that no one would be intimidated by that. With my own grandchildren who have gone through a custody battle I just assure them and show them that they are loved. What I worry about is that they lose their ability to be loyal because they are pushed and pulled and loyalty is such a huge component of love, it is what makes you persevere when someone isn't as lovable as you think they should be.

 

[tuffbrk]

Geez Louise!! She tells the kids to not get too comfortable?! How does that make Wild and Unruly feel? I'd dislike someone saying that and having my kids think there was something hanging over their heads like that.

I really don't know how you stand it.

I hope that I never have to deal with a SM. And I used to be...actually, until I'm actually divorced, I guess I still am one!

 

[Just Blue]

My lil' Miss Baystategirl wrote on herself with a black marker...I was home...Do you think I will have DSS at my door????

CJane...You deserve a medal for not committing murder.