DV, RO & Legal separation

[blue17]

Located in California. I am making a similar post in the Marriage/Separation board.

I am married, and I moved out of marital home, I have filed for a separation (for now, I plan to utilize the insurance benefits). Court date for spousal support/alimony is coming up in a few weeks.

Spouse has committed 5+ acts of domestic violence against me. I have not filed for a RO as of present due to lack of concrete evidence (that I can share). I did not take photos, etc. I recorded him screaming at me and hitting me multiple times (on the morning that i moved out of the house & left). From what I have googled, it is not legal to record without consent (punishable w/ fine and jail time). I have checked in w/ my attorney on this, also checking in w/ local DV resources where I live to determine how to proceed. Attorney is checking w/ other officials for official info on this.

Attorney has suggested RO will benefit me in alimony hearing; I am considering filing one of these & spouse will be held somewhat accountable/need to pay me more.

Any ideas on this?

Edited: I also want to add, since this is in the abuse section, I did not call the police on the day that I moved out of the house because of a previous incident where I did call the police. The police kept me outside & questioned me, and my spouse, then told me I was mistaken about being hit that morning. When I went back inside, the police were having coffee w/ my abuser (ever the charmer) and he was bragging about his beautiful, big house & perfect career/life (other than the marriage problems). I was too intimidated to try that one again.

Thanks.

 

[Just Blue]

Located in California. I am making a similar post in the Marriage/Separation board.

I am married, and I moved out of marital home, I have filed for a separation (for now, I plan to utilize the insurance benefits). Court date for spousal support/alimony is coming up in a few weeks.

Spouse has committed 5+ acts of domestic violence against me. I have not filed for a RO as of present due to lack of concrete evidence (that I can share). I did not take photos, etc. I recorded him screaming at me and hitting me multiple times (on the morning that i moved out of the house & left). From what I have googled, it is not legal to record without consent (punishable w/ fine and jail time). I have checked in w/ my attorney on this, also checking in w/ local DV resources where I live to determine how to proceed. Attorney is checking w/ other officials for official info on this.

Attorney has suggested RO will benefit me in alimony hearing; I am considering filing one of these & spouse will be held somewhat accountable/need to pay me more.

Any ideas on this?

Thanks.

So you are only thinking of getting a RO so that you can get more money? How long were you married? Are there joint children?

 

[Just Blue]

BTW...The other thread has been removed. Only one one this same topic and related question is necessary.

 

[blue17]

I would like to see him held accountable for his actions. At this point, he has made several claims that he has "never lifted a finger" to me (to me, and others). It is very frustrating and I am tired of feeling controlled/manipulated. Married more than 5 years, no children.

 

[blue17]

Is there a way to cross post it? I thought I might get some more input if I had it on both sections.

 

[Just Blue]

Is there a way to cross post it? I thought I might get some more input if I had it on both sections.

No. The volunteers of this site prefer you keep it to one thread. Anyone that would respond there will respond here...and this is the best place for the question.

 

[blue17]

Ok, thanks.

 

[justalayman]

How long ago did you move out?

Has he threatened you in any way since you moved out?

Generally courts are loathe to act on an incident the claimed victim didn’t feel was important enough to report at the time of the incident. Basically, if you didn’t think it was important enough to report then, why should a court consider it important at a later date.

 

[Eekamouse]

Located in California. I am making a similar post in the Marriage/Separation board.

I am married, and I moved out of marital home, I have filed for a separation (for now, I plan to utilize the insurance benefits). Court date for spousal support/alimony is coming up in a few weeks.

Spouse has committed 5+ acts of domestic violence against me. I have not filed for a RO as of present due to lack of concrete evidence (that I can share). I did not take photos, etc. I recorded him screaming at me and hitting me multiple times (on the morning that i moved out of the house & left). From what I have googled, it is not legal to record without consent (punishable w/ fine and jail time). I have checked in w/ my attorney on this, also checking in w/ local DV resources where I live to determine how to proceed. Attorney is checking w/ other officials for official info on this.

Attorney has suggested RO will benefit me in alimony hearing; I am considering filing one of these & spouse will be held somewhat accountable/need to pay me more.

Any ideas on this?

Edited: I also want to add, since this is in the abuse section, I did not call the police on the day that I moved out of the house because of a previous incident where I did call the police. The police kept me outside & questioned me, and my spouse, then told me I was mistaken about being hit that morning. When I went back inside, the police were having coffee w/ my abuser (ever the charmer) and he was bragging about his beautiful, big house & perfect career/life (other than the marriage problems). I was too intimidated to try that one again.

Thanks.

Usually, when someone is held accountable for acts of domestic violence, they go to jail. They don't pay more alimony.

 

[not2cleverRed]

Usually, when someone is held accountable for acts of domestic violence, they go to jail. They don't pay more alimony.

That was my reaction as well, but I noticed on another website that documented domestic violence, as defined by 6211 , can be considered in calculating alimony.

However, "documented" means legally documented - police reports, for example, not illegal one party recordings.

And I suspect that the domestic violence is only counted to the extent that it affects the victim's ability to support themselves. This is a relatively short term marriage - 5 years, no children. How much alimony should that merit?

 

[HRZ]

I doubt the courts can address your being controlled and manipulated ...and if he charmed his way past any domestic abuse situation ...you don't have much of a point as to past abuse ..., no usable docuementation ....so aside from getting divorced,,what is it that you want..in $ terms . And what does your attorney think are your practical options?

 

[blue17]

Hi, I appreciate the feedback here. An update:

A RO has been filed & served now for well-documented emotional and physical abuse (I was able to obtain police records from an incident & submitted this w/ it). We will have a hearing in about 30 days regarding this; it doesn't look like I will need the recorded evidence after all. I wasn't able to get everything I needed before the separation hearing this past week. I am following through on this for protection at at my attorney's recommendation (not for the potential spousal support from it, but for my own protection, as I am now aware that the opposing party knows my residential address from documents being shared in the court).

As a result of the separation hearing, I have been awarded appx. 1/5 of my spouses' monthly income + 50% of all performance bonuses for 2.5 years. I will also receive 50% of the existing and future stock to be rewarded, for 2.5 years and will receive half of the retirement. An agreement will be set up so his employer will pay me directly (and I will pay taxes on this income, but its a huge improvement over what I've been trying to survive on for the past several months). There is also an order in place that he cannot remove me from any more accounts/policies so I am on health insurance. I am pretty satisfied with the results of this. It will enable me to live & maintain a reasonable life in area I live in (cost of living here is not cheap at all) & maintain my finances without needing to ask him for money/permission to pay for things like emergency travel, health expenses, etc. If either of us files for divorce, I should be ok in that situation, too.

Edit: to answer questions I think I haven't answered above:
1- how much alimony should that merit - quite a bit, in reality
2 - when did I move out? Feb 20, and he had to pay me for 3 months of support (retroactive order). I received payment yesterday.
3 - has he threatened me since I moved out? Yeah, several times, and I submitted this for the RO since I had read your question - hadn't thought to do so but I think it will help (I have it in writing because he messaged these threats to me).

Thank you.

 

[HRZ]

Caution...for an order entered BEFORE 1/1/2019 as to alimony payments that may be wrong tax treatment and less favorable to you...double check...it is NOT smart to educate your adversary on taxes...you do your own review with your counsel. And I don't know if separation payments constitute alimony..do you?

And I would be very uncomfortable about language that pays me 1/5 of ordInary income and 50% of bonus income ...very easy to tweak that, and a contract to pay 1/2 of retirement leaves a lot to be desired especially if he changes jobs.....I sure hope you are using savy counsel on your side of equation...if not..go get same.

 

[HRZ]

Separation payment under an order may qualify as alimony ...but some of the so called 7 requirements under IRC sec 71 have changed a bit ...if you want the best outcome at your end...you best visit the exact wording ahead of time with your counsel.

 

[HRZ]

Separation as a device to preserve employers health coverage is still a valid card ...but watch your comments about being OK with divorce ...his employer plan is not going to continue you if divorced .