Easy way Hard way

[Stephaniecj]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Wa

I'm trying to be reasonable and do 50/50
With the 3 children to spend school days with me and school breaks with him.
Odd even years for holidays. He is pushing for full custody. Being sour about our troubles and my final decisionand being selfish. I even let him take the boys to california for Christmas. Now I've learned from my mother he wants full custody and is not intending on returning the boys to me like we had agreed. Do I push my divorce papers for standard 50/50 or not sign and wait to see what happnes.

On the other hand I feel if he is difficult I may have to play hardball and use the military police reports of spoucal abuse. Doctors records for multiple contusions, emotional distress, physical trama, abnormal menstrals lasting 30 days due to stress recorded with doctors, proof of slander harassment adultry.

I'm trying to be civil and extraordinarily fair. But I'm slightly frustrated and at witts end here. I was a stay at home mother so I'm not employed yet. We have been married 5 years togeather 9+ he has threatned to take the kids from me before and I'm just trying to juggle what way to go. I do not have a lawyer nor could I afford one.

Any ideas?

Thank you

Distressed mother.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

So, you have been the primary caretaker of the children?

 

[Stephaniecj]

Yes, and he just returned from a yearlong deployment. We seperated September 2008

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Is he currently in the military? Is he subject to deployment again?

 

[Stephaniecj]

Yes he is enlisted, he is deployable. Usually not for a year or so unless he transfers.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The abuse is documented? Has he ever hurt the children? When did dad get back from Afghanistan?

 

[Ronin]

Do I push my divorce papers for standard 50/50 or not sign and wait to see what happnes.

If you have not yet filed for divorce and you do not have temporary orders assigning you as the custodial parent, there is nothing preventing him from not returning the children.

If this is so, this case can easily go south on you very quickly. It would be best for you to hire an attorney to at least start the ball rolling and get suitable temporary orders in place. Forget about any notions of playing legal hardball on your own. Contested cases like this can get a pro se in a jam and over their head rather quickly...

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

Doesn't dad have to come back to Washington because of work?

 

[Stephaniecj]

It was documented with military Police. He plead guilty when he was arrested. The second report was verbal and alcohol abuse where he was removed from the home for 74 hrs by MP's. He has not hit the kids but he leaves them in the corner for hours, is verbaly abusive and has cussed at them and is forceful like grabbing there arm or ear. He got back this december. He deployed in sec 2008.

 

[Stephaniecj]

Yes he is on leave right now. He agreed to return them jan 10 th I have a copy of this agreement.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

So he's basically been back a month? He would have to prove you unfit to get custody. Why would he have left the children for a long deployment with an unfit mother?

 

[Stephaniecj]

True. I'm worried about my financial situation and how that will affect me

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

You will have to find employment. Now, the military expect their personnel to take care of their families. Don't know the percentages, but they will order dad to provide support. YOU have to find a way to provide your share of support for the children. Your STBX should not be expected to have to support you forever.

 

[Stephaniecj]

He is paying me support but told welfare last week he was not going to pay me for January and presses that he has the kids. I had to get food stamps bc he told me I have to make the car payment since I'm useing it and that he couldn't afford it. He was paying me 630.00 a month that his 1sg made him.
He also canceled the insurance. The car is in both our names

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

He is paying me support but told welfare last week he was not going to pay me for January and presses that he has the kids. I had to get food stamps bc he told me I have to make the car payment since I'm useing it and that he couldn't afford it. He was paying me 630.00 a month that his 1sg made him.
He also canceled the insurance. The car is in both our names

You need to file for divorce. In the complaint, ask that he continue all insurance policies. It is stupid on his part to cancel insurance since he would be just as responsible as you if you had an accident and there was no coverage.

As for who has the children, a temporary absence from the home for vacation does NOT count.