Educators Bullying My Son

[jerdman]

What is the name of your state?PA

I am hoping there is someone out there able to help me with the current situation my son is in at school ( 11th grade)

he has been repeatadely "bullied/picked on" at school by the principal, Asst principal and counselor, also a few others from time to time.

I too was told that i was in denial by one the school administrators..

I will try and make this short, however so much is going on...

*****all this is only since January 12th*****

* they have called me and told me that my son was addicted to drugs and or alcohol, that he had a mental health disorder, that he was lazy, lathargic, disrespectful, behaves inappropriately, dosent do his work..and on and on and on.the list was about 20 negative words long..they REFUSE to send any of these "observational findings" home "on paper" to me ...they say its not part of the program..but calling a parent and stating such hateful things about their child is?...anyway...

* yesterday they pulled my son from his CURRENT health class and placed him into a class for the mentally challenged. there was no bearing for this switch, the semester had just begun a few days ago, so it wasnt as if he was struggling inthe class with the work or anything. well my son went back down to guidance and expressed his feelings ( respectfully) that he didnt think that class " was right for him"..they told him that he had to stay, there was no room for him in any other classes...but they pulled him from an existing health class....this was simply a way to humiliate him. it ended up that they then proceeded to interigate him for no reason about just nonsense, and my son got up and walked out, then they sent him home, classified it as an out of school suspension and documented that he " behaved inappropriately"...

* i have caught them ( educators) on 2 seperate occasions, writing my son up for things that were BLATANT lies...when asked what was going to be done about it, they ignore me...oh we'll check into it, and they never call me back...i have placed numerous phone calls all to no avail.!...ie. 1 write up was saying that my son was on his cellphone, thya heard his phone ring then he proceeded to answer and talk ...well, i proved this to be wrong by sending them a copy of my sons cellphone bill showing NO incoming NOR outgoing calls during school hours on that day, or ever for that matter...well i have never heard back from them, of course...

i then began emailing all of my concerns, if for no other reason but to have it documented.

i asked for a meeting with them, but my son doesnt even want me to go, he's afraid it will only m,ake it worse on him...i mean, thisis what they have done to him...he hates school, doesnt ever want to go, constantly getting harrassed and provocked by them, its horrible..

well i am hoping there is a lawyer out there somewhere that can help us out inthis situtation, i really dont knwo how to stop this and how to handle it...i live in eastern PA ( allentown, bethlehem, easton area)...PLEASE get in touch with me and help us!

thanks in advance!

 

[Rhubarb297]

I too was told that i was in denial by one the school administrators..

Well, do you think that possibly that may be true? What motivation do you think these teachers and education administrators have for expending all this effort to pick on your child?

 

[jerdman]

well, i know its not true to the extent they are claiming ..Yes, my son had skipped some classes in the beginning of the year and was late a few times, but nothing more than that. he has never never gotten into any "trouble" other than just mentioned incidents. and they were few and far between, I think they "labelled" him from those incidents, and it has just snowballed from there.

for instance the counselor called him out of class one day to discuss his grades, but instead of talking to my son when he arrived at his office about his grades, he started the conversation off with " so whats your problem, and why are you getting into trouble"..what trouble? hes never been in any "trouble"......instead of treating my son with some respect and saying "i am noticing a decline in your grades, is there something i can help you with, or what can we do to help"..instead it was an immediate accusation phrase..so of course my son went on the defensive and then comes the "anger control problem" that my son apparently has...which is nothing more than him speaking his feelings and the truth..( and my son is very honest and will tell you exactly what he feels regardless of the conversation or topic )....anyway, no-one has ever seen my son have these "anger outbursts" other than the school personel...so?.... also by this time my sons grades were dropping primarily b/c of this situation, and frustration and the stress that hes been under. he simply hates goingto school, he doesnt even want to get up in the morning...


another incident...i had gotten 2 letters in the mail from the school, all they said was my son broke the "late to school policy" and he was assigned 9, yes 9 detentions..no dates, days, explainations..nothing..and they were as simple as that, literally 2 lines....so i called the asst principal and asked her what was going on...she told me my son was late to school 9 times in the month of december..i said what are you talking about? i was never notified of my son being late even 1 time let alone 9 times...she said did you miss the phone calls..i said did i missed 9 phone calls in one month?...give me a break..so i called the attendance office myself i asked them to print out my sons record, he was late only 3 times the whole year, and one of those times was due to bad weather....i still to this day have not gotten any explantions after repeated phone calls about it... they are just doing whatever they want, and they do not justify anything, wehn asked, they can not even callme back...its things like this that just keep going on and on....

i am not saying my sons an angel, by any means,and i am the first to admit that when he does something wrong he needs topay the consequences.... but theres a line that needs to be drawn, ijust donr know how to draw it...apparently my phone calls asking for explanations do not even phase them, in fact it appears to have gotten worse...thats why my son doesnt even want me to go for a meeting, hes a afraid they willtake it out on him...

my son is an average teenager, he has done fairly well in school,all thes eyears until now...hes not a straight "A and B" student, but he a typical average student...no physical or mental disabilities...nothing...

im sorry to ramble on and on..im just stressed myself....
thanks for posting...

 

[cmorris]

I come from a family of educators and am in student teaching now. I will try to explain this as best as I can.

The "negative" comments about your son are told to you for several reasons. If they send a note home through your son, he may not give it to you. If they mail it, it may get lost or your son may see it first and get rid of it. That is the reason for calls and telling you personally. They are probably saying he isn't doing his work because he may not be completing assignments, or maybe he is not trying. That would explain his dropping grades.

When a student's grades drop, like you state your son's did, that is a sign of drug abuse. Maybe some people he associates with use. Maybe he looks like he is using.

If he disagrees with the administration and leaves, that is being defiant, disrespectful, and misbehaving. Perhaps he has problems with authority?

If they claim he was using a cell phone, it could have been anyone's. It wouldn't necessarily have to be his. Lots of people and teens have them.

Tardies could be for entering school or a class. There should be documentation for school, but not necessarily for class. Either there is a misunderstanding about his tardies or they are not very organized.

Changing his class probably has to do with his dropping grades.

Like another poster asked, why would they pick on your son? I've never seen an educator deliberately "pick on" a child, although students and sometimes their parents view it that way.

I doubt an attorney would want to pursue this with what "evidence" you have. Maybe you will find one if you pay them a ton of money to only lose for you.

I hope the best for you and your son.

 

[HomeGuru]

I would like to know the school's side of the story.

 

[jerdman]

cmorris:

wow, well in regards to almost all of yor statements i could come up with a theory as well, but also discredit them at the same time:

The "negative" comments about your son are told to you for several reasons. If they send a note home through your son, he may not give it to you. If they mail it, it may get lost or your son may see it first and get rid of it. That is the reason for calls and telling you personally. They are probably saying he isn't doing his work because he may not be completing assignments, or maybe he is not trying. That would explain his dropping grades.

They have never sent a note home with my son, nor through the mail, as previously staed they refused to sne anything home in written, period. also add that i have a PO box, which only i have the key to, therfore my son couldnt have even "if" he wanted to get the mail. His grades are dropping due to these issues, he doesnt want to go to school, nor does he care, he has nothing to look forward to other than nonsense when he there- this explains the grades- also note that they have not significantly dropped as one would like to think. but hey, let not give the child the benefit of thedoubt, right, cuz hes on drugs? not to sound harsh, or in denial, only speaking my feelings.

If he disagrees with the administration and leaves, that is being defiant, disrespectful, and misbehaving. Perhaps he has problems with authority?

so he has to sit there and listen to them degrade him and accuse him ? where are his rights? and why immedaitely is he direspectful etc etc, for not agreeing to listen to it? again, where are his rights?.Do you have the right to remove yourself from a situation that is making you uncomfortable? and would you consider yourself disrespectful etc etc. by doing so?

If they claim he was using a cell phone, it could have been anyone's. It wouldn't necessarily have to be his. Lots of people and teens have them

he has his own cellphone, he was not using anyone elses,...., for goodness sake....please note..that on this day he supposedly was on his cellphone he was walking back to class in the hall, when apparently they heard his phone ring ..well had they not yanked him from class to begin with and accused him of being late, this "incident" would have never taken place.....he preceeded to tell told them he was not late and he was NOT....so they again were badgering him for no apparent reason and this caused him to get upset again, and who in the right mind wouldnt be upset?..i mean , come on...!

Changing his class probably has to do with his dropping grades

why change his class if hes proven not to have any problems with it, weer they "assuming" he was going to fail? and if so how can they?....why wouldnt they wait until hes clearly showing a problem with handling the work first?...and since the semester just started and monday was the first class, how can the anticipate this?...

Like another poster asked, why would they pick on your son? I've never seen an educator deliberately "pick on" a child, although students and sometimes their parents view it that way.

my son isnt the only one, he is however the only one i am concerned with at this point....its possible you have never seen it, or maybe your are blinded by the signs as well, this is possible isnt it? have you had classroom management classes oriented into your studies at your school, with training seminars on the subject?..if you do some research, its highly recommended through the commonwealths to be incorporated, due to the high vloume and increased "teacher bullying" across the nation.... might i suggest that you research a little on the internet this topic, and im sure within the first 2 minutes of your search you will have made many hits on this related subject, as i did the other day...so i am sorry to add, its out there and its happening.

let me also add that my husband and i did take my son for an evalution, when previous accusations were made....we also took him to the schools choice of centers...NOTHING was founded, this was put into writing by the establishment, they recommended, and sent back to the school, they are claiming since its been 3 months since, he now could have started using drugs or he has become mentally unhealthy since then., whatever, its ridiculous..so what, am i supposed to take my son once a month for evaluations?...my son has Never had any problems anywhere but at this school, not at his job, not at public forums, not with family or friends..nothing, anyhere, period.

thanks for posting.

 

[jerdman]

homeguru:

i too would like to know the schools side of the story, but as mentioned, they do not return my calls and they do not explain anything to me. if i am lucky to get a hold of them, they tell me they will " check into it and call me back", which obviuosly never happens. Had i gotten some answers to my issues at hand, maybe we wouldnt be here.

it makes one question, "why" are they avoiding answering these things?

so yes, i too would like to hear it, in fact thats all i have ever asked for.

i just recently went to the superintendant, i am still waiting to hear from him as well.

thanks for posting,

 

[Silverplum]

Your son is a junior in high school. I doubt very much that he is the Essence of All Respectfulness 24/7, because most teens simply aren't, especially at school.

IMHO, Mom needs to back off and let this kid learn to handle adversity, and/or the consequences of his attitudes and actions. When she's jumping in, asking "What are his RIGHTS if he feels uncomfortable?"...well, sheesh, I can only see a mother who is way, way too coddling of Baby Boy. This is the paragraph to which I am referring:

"so he has to sit there and listen to them degrade him and accuse him ? where are his rights? and why immedaitely is he direspectful etc etc, for not agreeing to listen to it? again, where are his rights?.Do you have the right to remove yourself from a situation that is making you uncomfortable? and would you consider yourself disrespectful etc etc. by doing so?"

And yes, a minor who walks away from an elder/person in a position of authority IS being disrespectful. I wouldn't defend that for a moment, and neither would my kids.

 

[Yappit]

School cannot place a "normal" child in a special ed class

I am so sorry about your situation. I am a private elementary school teacher. One thought for you: As far as I believe (Pennsylvania) could be different, but in California, no public school can remove a child from a regular ed classroom and place him in a "special ed" classroom! This is blatantly against the law, against special education law and is a form of mentally abusing your son. Of course it makes him mad and brings down his self esteem. This is harrassment and humiliation and should not be tolerated. Your son is afraid of "repercussions" from the school.

My suggestion: Why don't you ask your son if he would like to do an independent study program either a private program or a publicly funded program. They are called ISP's. You meet with a teacher about twice a month, the district buys YOUR CHOICE of selected curriculums, etc. He could join a local "homeschoolers social group" (of which there are many in Pennsylvania and he would be free from that public school environment. It is something to think about. You can to to the HSLDA website (Home School Legal Defense Association) website and look up the homeschool laws for Pennsylvania. They may simply require a letter of intent and then you pull him out?? Check it out. I sincerely wish you the best of luck. Also, you may file a complaint with the Pennsylvania Department of Education.

 

[GaAtty]

GaAtty

While I will not say that I agree with the school on everything, I do not think that skipping school "a few times" and "being late a few times" is as insignificant as you think it is. To me it shows not only that he doesn't respect the importance of education, but also doesn't respect the rules. Neither is good. I don't agree that an "average" teenager skips school and is frequently late. I know a number of "average teenagers", my own included, who have never done such behavior. Maybe if you raise your expectations of him, instead of make excuses for him, he will rise to the challenge and improve his behavior.

 

[stealth2]

I can't help but wonder if the reason your son doesn't want you to go to the meeting has less to do with it being made worse for him and more that you'll actually get a realistic picture of what's going on. Color me skeptical, but it's rare for a bunch of adults to target one kid for no reason whatsoever. So I have to think that there's more going on that you may not be aware of.

 

[skimdlt]

Quoted from above: And yes, a minor who walks away from an elder/person in a position of authority IS being disrespectful. I wouldn't defend that for a moment, and neither would my kids.

I would perhaps change that to: for a minor who walks away from a disrespectful elder/person in a position of authority THIS IS NOT being disrespectful.

If teachers and schools can hand out repercussions for bad behavior, then a child must also see repercussions when that bad behavior is also directed towards him. As someone mentionned there is no need to humiliate this child further.

When a “child breaks [a] rule, the school may react by punishing him according to their regulations. There is then the possibility that certain teachers in the school will remember the child for having broken that rule. This may change the teachers’ perceptions of the child and therefore cause them to treat him differently from the other children, leading him to “get a name for himself”. This, new less tolerant behavior from the teachers may lead to the child purposely rebelling against them. The family may also be brought into the equation, either by the child complaining about the situation at home or by the school feeling it necessary to bring it to the parents’ attention. Depending on their opinions of the rule and the school, the family may choose to take a side in the matter. Which side they take will influence the view of the school and child towards them…” “We can envisage a situation where the child has taken on the mantle of being ‘difficult’ or ‘bad’. This role is then reinforced by the changed perceptions and assumptions of the school and maybe the family. This is explained through general systems theory by the concept of homeostasis. In labeling one child as ‘bad’, the school is able to hold that child up as an example to the rest of ‘how not to behave thus enabling them to maintain the status quo.” (Counseling in Schools, by Robert Bor, Jo Ebner-Landy, Shiela Gil, Chris Brace 2002, p.23)

Henderson (1989) “shows us a study that shows what happens to children's self-esteem in an environment of public schools. Of 224 home schooled children, John Wesley Taylor V found that home-schooled children scored at or above the 91st percentile mark on the Piers- Harris Children's self-concept Scale, (a measure of self esteem). In another study, public school children lose their sense of self-worth dramatically as they progress through the grades from 80% with a strong sense of self-worth at school entrance dropping to 20% by fifth grade and to 5% at twelfth grade.” (http://www.ontariohomeschool.org/oacas3.html)

I wonder how this child's self-concept has been reduced at this point. Having dealt with several different administrators and teachers (due to constant changes within the school) I would definitely say that some are more patient and better negotiators than others. Some should simply be fired.

Although the following may not help deal with the immediate issue, I believe we should all begin writing our school boards/ministries and government asking for the following:

"Forward to parents, school boards/ministry, government... :
We the parents believe that the quality of our childrens social and academic education in schools could be improved by adding school evaluation computer databases in our city libraries. This would permit the parents to 'vote' regularly increasing access to information for those regulating our childrens education, while giving the parents and its students a voice to their grievances or challenges of the present system. The quality of education or socialization a child is receiving could be assessed sooner, and changes if necessary also provided sooner." (http://www.geocities.com/npfsac/View_From_Nowhere.html)


I am disappointed that they do not have stricter evluations/regulations on individuals that spend most of the day with our children. Do teachers have whistle blower protection?

For the good teachers out there, kudos to you, and bless you for caring.

 

[jdpx4]

I have had similar problems (but not to the extent) of yours with my son only it was during middle school.

I must have visited school AT LEAST once a week during those 3 years, trying every way to get help/show support for him, only to be told "kids this age need independence from parents".

His issue was mainly not turning in his homework and that led to bad grades and remarks on his report cards, as well as calls from school. His was not a disciplinary problem, but the constant remarks and bad grades did do a number on his self esteem.

Anyway, I finally met up in the hallway once with his "worst enemy" - his history teacher. He did not know who I was, and apparently he didn't care, because he lit in on my son right there in front of me and dozens of other kids. He basically told my son he was destined to work at "burger castle and flip burgers and smell like grease for the rest of his life".

I was in shock! It was such a totally ignorant statement and seemed to have come out of nowhere (it was passing period - no class in session!). I stepped up and introduced myself and he offered no apology or excuse or anything.

So what I did was report this incident to the principal and ask that it be on my son's school record (because they refused to discuss this with me in person). I then wrote a letter (sticking to the facts and not sounding as to be in denial) to the school superintendant and also a copy of this letter to the state board of education.

I realized we were living in a nice neighborhood, but in a low-income school district! Across the street, the kids went to a fine school district. So guess what we did - when our daughter was going to middle school, we used our neighbor's address and she went to that "good" school and was and still is, an honors student.

What I noticed about this "good" school is the attitude towards the students and parents. They never tried to shut the parents out. We always felt welcome to school, for meetings, etc. at any time without question. Our questions were always answered and often followed up by a phone call from the principal or counselor, depending on what the issue was.

The kids at this school were never labeled as troublemakers, as they were in my son's middle school. So you see, I believe it IS the school and the faculty. If they choose to make problems for the kids, they will have them. Especially at that age.

We spent more than $8000 to send him to Sylvan Learning Center and have him tutored in Math. Of course, they had to take him back to 3rd grade level (they claimed) and we went 2 years without vacations to find out he didn't have a learning disorder at all, but Sylvan is in the business of making money and they got a big chunk of ours. It never phased him, other than to make him feel stupid being 15 and going there sitting at a table with 2nd & 3rd graders. I felt like the dummy for allowing this to go on and us paying for it!

In high school, my son continued to have trouble in math, mainly. We were asked if he'd been tested for ADD, etc. He had, and no, he didn't have it. They told us he would have to take a test to be moved into learning disabled classes. So you cannot just MOVE a kid down to that level without testing them first. I believe they can "remediate" a child without parental consent or testing them first, but not move them into a LD class.

My son is now 18 and is technically a junior (low credits). He never has had a problem with discipline, the teachers constantly brag on how respectful and courteous he is at school and he is a quiet kid. He just doesn't get math and he is bored because he fell so far behind.

He is now taking 3 periods at the regular high school in "drafting" class, a tech class that he loves and does well at.

The remainder of the day he goes to an "enrichment" center supported by the school corporation and there they do not have homework, but work in small groups in "Labs" - when they receive enough credit to move on to the next subject they move on. This accelerates the credit-receiving process, because they don't have to wait until semester end.

It has been a God-send for him. They take field trips to colleges and tech schools as well as they get involved in community service projects. He is much more fulfilled here than at high school (traditional) because he feels he is getting something from this. And I think he is getting more than an education - he is coming out of his shell. He is more outgoing now!

I recommend you look into this type of education in your school corporation. It wasn't easy to get in - his counselor had to recommend him for the program as they only accept 40 kids - and then we had to pass an "interview" that convinced the principal we were supportive of him and that he was not just wasting their time and space.

But this has been a bridge from feeling as though he slipped through the educational cracks in middle/high school to feeling as he's important enough to be pulled back up.

Please check into this for your son - every kid is not a PROBLEM.