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Emergency Custody???

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What is the name of your state? Indiana

Hello everyone, thanks for taking a moment to read this. My ex-wife is causing my son (not to mention myself) a great deal of stress - and I've had enough. Here's the situation:

She refuses child support payment. For the first 9 months after our divorce, I was out of the country, and asked her to be patient with me. She agreed, and seemed to be sincere. Once I returned and started working (6 days after arrival), I offered her a lump sum, which she refused. She told me she wanted me to send him items that he needed instead, which I did. I did also manage to sneak a few payments to her when I knew she needed money. However, she would not let me see my son. They live in Alabama.

Through the next year, I continued to try to see my son, and she kept refusing. In May, she got pregnant by one of her boyfriends, and I drove down to pick up my son and drop off $3,000 in cash - she told me to turn around and head back. She later had an abortion.

Now, she keeps agreeing to let me see him, but never delivers. I gave her a 1999 GMC Jimmy in September, and she was gracious enough to let him spend the day with me, but would not let me take him back with me. When I asked her why, it's because it would "cause problems in her house".

She lives with her uncle and grandmother. Her uncle is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, and is gay. He has a history of attempted suicide, alcoholism, abuse, and several run-ins with the law. The grandmother is a sweet lady, but lets him control the house.

Now for the serious stuff (as if all that weren't enough). My son developed athsma, so she pulled him out of school and is claiming to home-school him. However, being the only one in that house who is working, she is gone from 8:00 am until 6:30 pm or later. I've called the house at 7 pm, and asked him how was school, and he tells me that they skipped it. She claims to study with him when she gets home from work, which I highly doubt.

My son shares a bed with the gay uncle. He's six years old. I was already worried about abuse, but then she actually told me this past week that my son has a problem. He has been soiling himself. She says that when it happens, he won't tell anyone, they just notice the smell, and when they tell him, it's very embarrassing for him. I've talked to about a dozen nurses, social workers and child psychologists - and they all say the same thing - that is a sign of serious psychological stress.

When I try to pick him up, he tells me he'll only go if his mother goes too. The day I delivered her new SUV to her, he was very standoffish at first, but once I had him on my own (for about 8 hours) he was just fine. He loves me. He misses me. Deep down inside, he wants to be with me.

She has broken too many promises. She is not taking care of my son, and now I fear he's being abused. We do have JOINT custody, althouh I've only seen him for 8 hours in the past three years. I do owe her back child support, which I've tried to pay (and documented it) on NUMEROUS occaisions, but she refuses.

MY feeling is - she knows she's a lousy mother, she knows he's being abused, and THAT is why she won't accept child support. She's using that as a pawn to keep me from finding out what's going on. There is MUCH more to this story, but I want to keep this brief for the forum's sake.

For the record - I have NO history of abuse (with him or her). I am now happily re-married, I'm very successful, I have a beautiful home and a spare bedroom ready to accommodate him. I certainly have the means to take care of him.

She on the other hand is NOT homeschooling him like she's supposed to, she's leaving him in the custody of a man who frequently goes "on a rampage" (I actually have that on tape). She freely admits that HE (the psycho uncle) controls that house. She acknowledges that my son wants to see me, but says it would be bad for her as the uncle would "beat her up again" if she let me take my son.

I'm finished negotiating with her. She agreed to let me spend next week (12/7 through 12/14) with him. I bought non-refundable airline tickets, and arranged everything. About 18 hours before my departure, she called and cancelled because of the uncle being on yet another "rampage". He had my son so upset that he wouldn't even get on the phone with me.

I plan to contact my Alabama attorney on Monday to see if I can get temporary custody based on the child's best interests. I also want to get him seen by a doctor - and a child psychologist. Regardless of their findings, I want full custody of my son now. I feel that he's being abused, and it kills me to even think of it. One particular therapist told me that soiling can be a sign of sodomy. If that's the case - I will dedicate my life to getting my son out of there - and imprisoning the two of them for a very long time.

Any thoughts? Advice? Comments? Any and all replies are welcome and greatly appreciated.



First off, STOP giving her anything. If you owe her child support then pay it. If she sends it back fine, keep the envelope unopened in a safe place and do not use the money.

You also never said if there was a visitation order in place. If so, then you need to return to court and file a Show Cause for Contempt of Court.

It is not her decision to "Let you" see your son. Just as it is not your decision with whom she lives.

P.S. AND NEVER pay in cash. Use checks and/or money orders for which you can keep reciepts.


No understanding

hexeliebe said:
It is not her decision to "Let you" see your son. Just as it is not your decision with whom she lives.
Usually it is not his decision who the mother lives with but if she is endangering the child shouldn't he be concerned with who she is living with?


Re: Visitation order

All I know is that we have "joint custody". I do know know of a visitation order.

And the only reason I'm concerned with who she is living with is because of that person's history, and the current symptoms of my son. This man is a control freak, and even my ex-wife admits he makes EVERYONE'S life in that house miserable. That is most definately MY BUSINESS, as my son is showing signs of abuse.

For the record - I have NO problem with gay people, some of my best friends are gay. Furthermore - I'm not saying that I should have control or deserve control of who my ex lives with. However, that all changes when this person, gay or otherwise, controls the situation, and threatens to beat the ex-wife if she allows the child to visit his father. He is also the one whom I suspect is abusing my son. That is unacceptable in any situation.


Get moving fast

If I would you and if indeed this uncle is abusing your son I would get the funds NOW and get your son out of there. Once you do get your son.....seek help for him immediatly! Good luck!!!!!


Forgot Something

I should of mention this earlier. This past Spring my son came home and told me his dad beat him. As soon as he told me his story I took him to the police station and filed a report. The next day his dad was picked up but of course, he bailed out on $500.00 bond. All Summer long we were in and out of court. Finally the day came and the judge didn't charge him. The judge said that he believed my son that it happened but couldn't charge his dad with battery only because my son said that it didn't hurt. Before the finaly day my son and I had a restraining order..as it went on his dad got supervised visits on his normal weekends by his parents (whom he lived with at the time) only the reason he got those is becuase the judge interviewed my son and my son missed his grandparents. They do it all for him anyway. I have no control over that. But seek help and get him out of there, go to the police and file reports! Do Something!



Thank you all for your replies, and for your advice. The real question I'm asking is simple - do I have a shot at full custody (temporarily, at least)?

Over the past year and a half, I've spent over $3,400.00 on my son - one way or another - to offset the refused child support payments. Will that get me anywhere in court?

I will be meeting with attorneys on Monday morning, and I'm going to dedicate my life to getting him out of there and if he's been abused - I will bring those responsible to justice.


try this site....

wealth of info-read all the articles, TGB's links from main page and feel free to stop into the chat room~


Your son not being enrolled in school of some sort is against the law, even Home-schooling has state requirements. I agree that your son is also showing positive signs of abuse, you need to talk to CPS as soon as possible. If all of this is true, then that little boy is living a nightmare.
On the child support, you should never, ever give cash, unless they are willing to sign a receipt stating it's for CS. When this goes to court, she can deny that you have given her anything.
When she refuses, put the money in a savings acct and keep any written refusal as documentation. You've got a big mess here, but the main priority right now should be making sure your son is safe.
Good Luck!



As I'm trying to get my lawyers on the phone (which often takes a while), I wanted to give this one a bump and see if I could get any more opinions.

I'm still trying to find out if all of this justifies me getting full custody. We're also looking at having CPS investigate.

Any thoughts / ideas / advice is welcome. Thank you.

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