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emotional abuse

  • Thread starter Thread starter just
  • Start date Start date

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J

just

Guest
I have sole custody of my 5yr old daughter in ny for the past 8 months. I never married nor lived with the father. While I have been trying to raise a moral, honest child, he has been conditioning her to be deceptive, sneaky and lie during his visitation.
Her father has been training her to "not tell mommy" anything, like he purchased a computer to the mondane chapstick he owns or that he drew a picture of a butterfly for her or went to toy's r us, because "mommy will be mad at you." Not to show mommy the sunglasses he bought her and hide them somewhere mommy can't find them, like in her closet.
When she comes home from visitation, she's been a bit elusive. What is he laying the groundwork for? What if he starts fondling her?
He's also telling her things like, to straighten your room, put everything under your bed and you fix your bed by putting the blankets in a pile at the end of it, really incorrect.
He also tells her that when she's not with him, all he does is sit in his room, staring at the walls bored, waiting to play with her. Where it's mommy fault he can't see her more often.
All these behaviors have put emotional baggage on her, its not right.
The fact is I would not knowingly expose my daughter to anyone who behaved this way, a teacher, relative, etc. Yet he has visitation rights. I want to pursue supervised visitation. Will the courts agree? If I take him to court and the judge just tells him to "behave himself" I know he will punish her, yell at her, "why did you tell mommy", "I told you she would get mad, look what you did, I had to go to court" and place the blame and responsibility on her.
I don't want it to backfire, where I'm trying to protect her development but she gets in trouble from her dad.
 


kat1963

Senior Member
My thoughts are that it's PAS (parental alienation syndrome). While it's not totally gender specific, it is mostly the female parent that is the active alienator. This is an effective custody tactic. I would not equate this with fondling. Please do an internet search. Dr. Richard Gardner has several books you can find on line or at the library if you wish. There is plenty of information & websites available.You will also want to seek out a counselor who has specific experience in this area and how to combat it.
Good Luck.
KAT
 

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