What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Colorado
First of all, for anyone who reads this entirely and offers advice, I want to thank you for your time. This is a long post and I am sorry about that. I just don’t know how to condense it in order to make sense. It’s also possible, due to my direct involvement, that I am not seeing the picture clearly and or legally. If that is what you read, please call it out so that I may be able to get a clear picture of my situation.
I am a divorced father of two children. My girls are 8 and 15 years of age. My divorce took place about 6 years ago. The primary reason that my ex and I divorced is largely due to Alcohol. My ex-wife is a heavy drinker; she will drink all day long and spends a lot of money supporting her habit. I drink occasionally in social situations, but I don’t drink at home. My ex and I have had many disagreements on drinking responsibly. I believe that it’s only ok to drink socially and only after the kids have been taken care of. Our custody agreement is that she has the children 4 nights a week and I have them the other 3 nights a week. I make 90K a year and I pay her 1K a month for child support. I believe in taking care of my children so paying child support is not an issue with me. In fact, I calculate our child support every year to ensure that my ex is receiving the proper amount to support our kids. My ex does not work; she is on Social Security Disability. She has been receiving disability payment from before I meet her. She is disabled due to depression and panic attacks. With that said, on to my situation:
There is constant turmoil between me and my ex. I have attempted many times to come to a workable solution with her but I find that unless I am willing to meet her, there is no compromise. This lack of compromise is paying a huge toll on my children.
My oldest child and her mother fight constantly. To the point where I would consider it abuse, but I am not an expert in this area. I have heard mom call my daughter a “Liar” to her face many times. My oldest daughter also has issues getting mom to buy the basic things that she needs. For instance, my daughter has had a hard time getting toothpaste and contact solution for use at her mother’s house. At times, to save my daughter the grief, I have often bought toothpaste and contact solution so she can take it over to her mother’s house for when she is there. It’s a struggle and chaos anytime my ex needs to pay for anything that kids need.
With this said, I want to express that my kids needs are meet to a certain degree. My kids do not go without food or a roof over their head at their mom’s. Mom also refuses to assist in paying for any medical needs. I maintain medical insurance for the kids, so that isn’t in question. Also to my understanding, since she receives child support, the first $250 per year, out of pocket expense is supposed to come out of her pocket. Please correct me if this statement is not correct. After she pays the first $250 out of pocket, then we split it, I pay 85% and mom makes up the rest of the 15%. But none of this really matters; mom refuses to pay anything out of pocket for her children. My oldest daughter needed braces. I paid for the entire thing. Also, my oldest wears contacts to correct her vision. I paid for the full amount for the doctor visits and the contacts themselves. I wouldn’t dare ask mom to assist in the payment for contacts, if I did my daughter would just have to go without contacts. But I don’t think it is unreasonable for mom to purchase contact solution for my daughter at her house.
I think the reason she is so ridged about making these purchases is because it comes out of the money she can use to drink with.
My oldest daughter has expressed her wish to live with me full time. I told her that despite how bad things are, having both parents in her life is good for her. I mean, if I had it my way, I would take full custody of my kids and make sure their needs are meet. That would save me a lot of headaches. But overall, I believe it’s best for all kids to have both of their parents in their lives.
What I am struggling with is how to assist my kids in getting the things they need. What I come to realize is the child support I am paying is basically being used for Alcohol and not really taking care of my kids. So I am paying child support and then paying for all the things they need at both houses. This is getting to the point of making my finances hard.
During the divorce, we had a shared bank account. She wanted to keep that bank account and I had no issues with that. I just re-opened another account at the same bank for myself. She continues to use that shared account. I have informed her that she should open a new account because when I log online I can see her account due to my name still being on the account. I asked the bank how to remove my name from her account, but they said she would have to open a new account. This past weekend I got frustrated with having to purchase basic needs for my kids for when they are at their mother’s house. I decided to look into her account and total up what she spends on alcohol. This is where I came to realize that the entire amount I pay for child support is being spent on alcohol.
How does one go about getting child support enforced? What does it take? The person receiving child support does not have to be accountable for showing how they spend it. I agree with that, because we all should be able to take care of our own houses as we see fit. But my ex is abusing this and not meeting her kid’s needs. What can a father in my position do?
First of all, for anyone who reads this entirely and offers advice, I want to thank you for your time. This is a long post and I am sorry about that. I just don’t know how to condense it in order to make sense. It’s also possible, due to my direct involvement, that I am not seeing the picture clearly and or legally. If that is what you read, please call it out so that I may be able to get a clear picture of my situation.
I am a divorced father of two children. My girls are 8 and 15 years of age. My divorce took place about 6 years ago. The primary reason that my ex and I divorced is largely due to Alcohol. My ex-wife is a heavy drinker; she will drink all day long and spends a lot of money supporting her habit. I drink occasionally in social situations, but I don’t drink at home. My ex and I have had many disagreements on drinking responsibly. I believe that it’s only ok to drink socially and only after the kids have been taken care of. Our custody agreement is that she has the children 4 nights a week and I have them the other 3 nights a week. I make 90K a year and I pay her 1K a month for child support. I believe in taking care of my children so paying child support is not an issue with me. In fact, I calculate our child support every year to ensure that my ex is receiving the proper amount to support our kids. My ex does not work; she is on Social Security Disability. She has been receiving disability payment from before I meet her. She is disabled due to depression and panic attacks. With that said, on to my situation:
There is constant turmoil between me and my ex. I have attempted many times to come to a workable solution with her but I find that unless I am willing to meet her, there is no compromise. This lack of compromise is paying a huge toll on my children.
My oldest child and her mother fight constantly. To the point where I would consider it abuse, but I am not an expert in this area. I have heard mom call my daughter a “Liar” to her face many times. My oldest daughter also has issues getting mom to buy the basic things that she needs. For instance, my daughter has had a hard time getting toothpaste and contact solution for use at her mother’s house. At times, to save my daughter the grief, I have often bought toothpaste and contact solution so she can take it over to her mother’s house for when she is there. It’s a struggle and chaos anytime my ex needs to pay for anything that kids need.
With this said, I want to express that my kids needs are meet to a certain degree. My kids do not go without food or a roof over their head at their mom’s. Mom also refuses to assist in paying for any medical needs. I maintain medical insurance for the kids, so that isn’t in question. Also to my understanding, since she receives child support, the first $250 per year, out of pocket expense is supposed to come out of her pocket. Please correct me if this statement is not correct. After she pays the first $250 out of pocket, then we split it, I pay 85% and mom makes up the rest of the 15%. But none of this really matters; mom refuses to pay anything out of pocket for her children. My oldest daughter needed braces. I paid for the entire thing. Also, my oldest wears contacts to correct her vision. I paid for the full amount for the doctor visits and the contacts themselves. I wouldn’t dare ask mom to assist in the payment for contacts, if I did my daughter would just have to go without contacts. But I don’t think it is unreasonable for mom to purchase contact solution for my daughter at her house.
I think the reason she is so ridged about making these purchases is because it comes out of the money she can use to drink with.
My oldest daughter has expressed her wish to live with me full time. I told her that despite how bad things are, having both parents in her life is good for her. I mean, if I had it my way, I would take full custody of my kids and make sure their needs are meet. That would save me a lot of headaches. But overall, I believe it’s best for all kids to have both of their parents in their lives.
What I am struggling with is how to assist my kids in getting the things they need. What I come to realize is the child support I am paying is basically being used for Alcohol and not really taking care of my kids. So I am paying child support and then paying for all the things they need at both houses. This is getting to the point of making my finances hard.
During the divorce, we had a shared bank account. She wanted to keep that bank account and I had no issues with that. I just re-opened another account at the same bank for myself. She continues to use that shared account. I have informed her that she should open a new account because when I log online I can see her account due to my name still being on the account. I asked the bank how to remove my name from her account, but they said she would have to open a new account. This past weekend I got frustrated with having to purchase basic needs for my kids for when they are at their mother’s house. I decided to look into her account and total up what she spends on alcohol. This is where I came to realize that the entire amount I pay for child support is being spent on alcohol.
How does one go about getting child support enforced? What does it take? The person receiving child support does not have to be accountable for showing how they spend it. I agree with that, because we all should be able to take care of our own houses as we see fit. But my ex is abusing this and not meeting her kid’s needs. What can a father in my position do?