Engagement ring - refusal to return

[falcon99usa]

What is the name of your state?CA
I live in California, my fiancee lives in Illinois. I gave her the engagement ring ($18,000) during my trip to Chicago 2 years ago under condition that she will move to California and we will get married. Definitely it was not a birthday, Valentine's Day or Christmas gift. I understand both states law.
Not only that she found several excuses to move to California, after we agreed on time when she will move, but during recent phone argument about her moving, she stated that our relationship is obviously over (thanks God!). I couldn't agree with her more. I asked her to return the ring together with GIA original certificate (I also gave it to her later), and my personal items, but she is refusing to return that. I am flying to Chicago (trip purchased 2 months in advance), and I told her that I want to pick up the items mentioned above, but she even refuse to meet.
During our 3 1/2 year relationship I paid for everything, like my and her air tickets (one of us flying every month between CA and IL preferred seating or First Class, even during COVID-19), restaurants, entertainments, gifts, presents, ton of flowers, her personal items whatever she needed, iPad, medical expenses, clothings, her legal name change, groceries, concerts and shows, gas and repairs for her car, rental cars, small appliances, vacations and trips, etc.
I invested $100,00+ into her moving to my house, and in return she bought me twice coffee and breakfast and once paid for a small dinner on my birthday.
What a waste of time and money...love is blind!
My questions are:
1) Do I sue her in Illinois court, or at my home state California? Where do I file the court papers?
2) Do I have to serve her with court papers in person (private process server, sheriff, police, etc.) or simply by certified mail?

 

[quincy]

What is the name of your state?CA
I live in California, my fiancee lives in Illinois. I gave her the engagement ring ($18,000) during my trip to Chicago 2 years ago under condition that she will move to California and we will get married. Definitely it was not a birthday, Valentine's Day or Christmas gift. I understand both states law.
Not only that she found several excuses to move to California, after we agreed on time when she will move, but during recent phone argument about her moving, she stated that our relationship is obviously over (thanks God!). I couldn't agree with her more. I asked her to return the ring together with GIA original certificate (I also gave it to her later), and my personal items, but she is refusing to return that. I am flying to Chicago (trip purchased 2 months in advance), and I told her that I want to pick up the items mentioned above, but she even refuse to meet.
During our 3 1/2 year relationship I paid for everything, like my and her air tickets (one of us flying every month between CA and IL preferred seating or First Class, even during COVID-19), restaurants, entertainments, gifts, presents, ton of flowers, her personal items whatever she needed, iPad, medical expenses, clothings, her legal name change, groceries, concerts and shows, gas and repairs for her car, rental cars, small appliances, vacations and trips, etc.
I invested $100,00+ into her moving to my house, and in return she bought me twice coffee and breakfast and once paid for a small dinner on my birthday.
What a waste of time and money...love is blind!
My questions are:
1) Do I sue her in Illinois court, or at my home state California? Where do I file the court papers?
2) Do I have to serve her with court papers in person (private process server, sheriff, police, etc.) or simply by certified mail?

Illinois did away with their “breach of promise” act and now consider broken engagements a risk people take when contemplating marriage. Anything you gave your former fiancée is best thought of as a gift.

That said, you would sue her in Illinois if you want to fight what is likely to be a losing battle.

 

[Zigner]

I voted

 

[cbg]

A review of the post history is - enlightening.

 

[quincy]

I voted

Haha. I couldn’t decide between you and Carl so I was going to sit this one out - but I will make it a tie with my vote.

 

[adjusterjack]

Carl hasn't been around for a while so Zigner gets my vote by default.

As for the OP. SMH is all I can say.

 

[Zigner]

They like me...they really like me!

 

[Zigner]

Haven't won a popularity contest since Jr High.
Oh, wait...I lost that one.

 

[quincy]

They like me...they really like me!

Three of us do, at any rate - assuming a vote “by default” equals “like.” Haha.

 

[Taxing Matters]

1) Do I sue her in Illinois court, or at my home state California? Where do I file the court papers?

You'd need to do that in Illinois unless she has some more substantial connection to California other than having been engaged to you. Without a sufficient enough connection to California the California courts lack personal jurisdiction over her. But since she is a resident of Illinois, the Illinois courts would certainly have jurisdiction over her.

I disagree with quincy's conclusion that Illinois law would not allow you to get the ring back. While quincy is correct that Illinois' Breach of Promise Act was repealed in 2016, actions for return of an engagement ring need not be based on that Act. Rather, return of the engagement ring can instead be based on the Illinois replevin statute. An Illinois appellate court explains in a case where the boyfriend was successful in winning a replevin claim for an engagement ring:

Placing defendant's “fault” argument aside for the moment, the pleadings, depositions, and affidavits establish that plaintiff is entitled to possess the ring as a matter of law. There is no dispute between the parties that plaintiff alone purchased the ring or that he gave the ring to defendant for the explicit purpose of proposing marriage. Thus, it is undisputed that the ring was a gift in contemplation of marriage. See Vann v. Vehrs, 260 Ill.App.3d 648, 652–53, 198 Ill.Dec. 640, 633 N.E.2d 102 (1994) (stating that an engagement ring is a gift in contemplation of marriage); Harris v. Davis, 139 Ill.App.3d 1046, 1047–48, 94 Ill.Dec. 327, 487 N.E.2d 1204 (1986) (same). Gifts given in contemplation of marriage are deemed conditional on the subsequent marriage of the parties, and “the party who fails to perform on the condition of the gift has no right to property acquired under such pretenses.” Harris, 139 Ill.App.3d at 1048, 94 Ill.Dec. 327, 487 N.E.2d 1204; see also Hofferkamp v. Brehm, 273 Ill.App.3d 263, 272, 210 Ill.Dec. 405, 652 N.E.2d 1381 (1995), citing Prassa v. Corcoran, 24 Ill.2d 288, 293–94, 181 N.E.2d 138 (1962) (no presumption in Illinois that *515 gifts given during engagement, as opposed to after marriage, are unconditional). Given that the parties in this case did not marry and that defendant intended to terminate the engagement when she ordered plaintiff to leave her home, clearly the condition attached to the gift of the engagement ring was not fulfilled. The record reflects that plaintiff established his right of possession.​

​

For similar reasons, plaintiff established that defendant wrongfully detained the ring. See First Illini Bank v. Wittek Industries, Inc., 261 Ill.App.3d 969, 970, 199 Ill.Dec. 709, 634 N.E.2d 762 (1994) (stating that a plaintiff in a replevin action must prove that the defendant is wrongfully detaining the property at issue). Initially, we note that a replevin action generally cannot be maintained until the plaintiff has made a demand for the surrender of the property and the defendant has refused. See First Illini Bank, 261 Ill.App.3d at 970, 199 Ill.Dec. 709, 634 N.E.2d 762. The purpose of the presuit demand is to afford the defendant an opportunity to return the property to the one entitled to possession without being put to the expense and annoyance of litigation. National Bond & Investment Co. v. Zakos, 230 Ill.App. 608, 612 (1923). However, a demand is not necessary before bringing suit in a replevin action where the circumstances indicate its futility. First Illini Bank, 261 Ill.App.3d at 970, 199 Ill.Dec. 709, 634 N.E.2d 762, citing Kee & Chapell Dairy Co. v. Pennsylvania Co., 291 Ill. 248, 255, 126 N.E. 179 (1920); see also National Bond & Investment Co., 230 Ill.App. at 612.​

Carroll v. Curry, 392 Ill. App. 3d 511, 514–15, 912 N.E.2d 272, 275–76 (2009). And in 2019 case, an appellate court affirmed that the Carroll decision is still good law in the state: "Even if we were to consider the issue raised by plaintiff, the facts indicate that this is not the case where we should abandon Carroll and create new law." Liceaga v. Baez, 2019 IL App (1st) 181170, ¶ 30, 126 N.E.3d 682, 689.

So, you might well win a replevin claim since she is the one who broke off the engagement. It appears that in Illinois you may sue for replevin (which is an action for return of property rather than money damages) in small claims court if the value of the items at issue are no more than $5,000.

 

[quincy]

I drew no conclusion other than saying “likely to be a losing battle.” I believe more is apt to be lost than gained with any legal action against the former fiancée.

I rely on Liceaga v. Baiz, 2019:

https://www.casemine.com/judgement/us/5ca5857a342cca12333d50de

 

[doucar]

Different facts, in the cited case, the plaintiff ended the engagement and his case was dismissed because of that agreed upon fact.

 

[quincy]

Different facts, in the cited case, the plaintiff ended the engagement and his case was dismissed because of that agreed upon fact.

We have only heard from falcon99usa here. The facts could be related in a vastly different way by the former fiancée.

falcon99usa apparently has been very generous with gifts to this woman over the course of their 3 1/2 year relationship, to the tune of over $100,000. Was the ring a promise to marry or just another extravagant gift?

 

[cbg]

I'm staying out of this one with a 20 foot pole, other than my previous reference to the post hx.

 

[AlmostThere]

What is the name of your state?CA
I live in California, my fiancee lives in Illinois. I gave her the engagement ring ($18,000) during my trip to Chicago 2 years ago under condition that she will move to California and we will get married. Definitely it was not a birthday, Valentine's Day or Christmas gift. I understand both states law.
Not only that she found several excuses to move to California, after we agreed on time when she will move, but during recent phone argument about her moving, she stated that our relationship is obviously over (thanks God!). I couldn't agree with her more. I asked her to return the ring together with GIA original certificate (I also gave it to her later), and my personal items, but she is refusing to return that. I am flying to Chicago (trip purchased 2 months in advance), and I told her that I want to pick up the items mentioned above, but she even refuse to meet.
During our 3 1/2 year relationship I paid for everything, like my and her air tickets (one of us flying every month between CA and IL preferred seating or First Class, even during COVID-19), restaurants, entertainments, gifts, presents, ton of flowers, her personal items whatever she needed, iPad, medical expenses, clothings, her legal name change, groceries, concerts and shows, gas and repairs for her car, rental cars, small appliances, vacations and trips, etc.
I invested $100,00+ into her moving to my house, and in return she bought me twice coffee and breakfast and once paid for a small dinner on my birthday.
What a waste of time and money...love is blind!
My questions are:
1) Do I sue her in Illinois court, or at my home state California? Where do I file the court papers?
2) Do I have to serve her with court papers in person (private process server, sheriff, police, etc.) or simply by certified mail?

Some food for thought.

What would you do with the ring if you got it back? Would the retailer be willing to let you return it? If so, for what % of the purchase price?

If you can't return it, what would you do with it? Are you planning to give it to another woman? (As a woman I say eww..)

If you plan to try to sell it, do some research on how much you could expect to receive. Maybe offer to buy it back from her for half that value?

Or you could take a breath and realize that losing the engagement ring and not marrying her is a heck of a lot less expensive than having married her and going through a divorce.