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Etiquette for money given at a funeral...who gets it

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MaryBeth

New member
My mother passed away and there were many who attended her funeral. Some who attended were friends of my sisters or people they worked with and they put money in an envelope with a card . Does that money go to the individual family member or should all the money be put together in one fund to be used for a charity or funeral costs or for her executor to decide?
 


not2cleverRed

Obvious Observer
My mother passed away and there were many who attended her funeral. Some who attended were friends of my sisters or people they worked with and they put money in an envelope with a card . Does that money go to the individual family member or should all the money be put together in one fund to be used for a charity or funeral costs or for her executor to decide?
I am sorry for your loss.

The money should be put together to be used for a charity that was important to your mother, unless your mother died in dire financial straits and there was no money for her funerals expenses.
 

quincy

Senior Member
I am sorry to hear of your loss.

You should be sure to thank all of those who sent flowers, cards or money and/or attended services.

Unless the family specifically requested charitable donations in lieu of flowers, the family can use the money where needed (funeral costs, charities, bills, whatever).
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
My mother passed away and there were many who attended her funeral. Some who attended were friends of my sisters or people they worked with and they put money in an envelope with a card . Does that money go to the individual family member or should all the money be put together in one fund to be used for a charity or funeral costs or for her executor to decide?
When someone gives money at a funeral, the traditional reason for doing so is to help with funeral costs.
 

adjusterjack

Senior Member
Getting technical - it's money paid to the estate of the deceased so it's up to the executor or representative to distribute it in accordance with probate laws.

On the other hand, cash is cash and the heirs can do whatever they want with it.
 

quincy

Senior Member
Getting technical - it's money paid to the estate of the deceased so it's up to the executor or representative to distribute it in accordance with probate laws.

On the other hand, cash is cash and the heirs can do whatever they want with it.
Actually, it depends. A card can be addressed to the family of ___ or to a specific family member.
 

Taxing Matters

Overtaxed Member
Getting technical - it's money paid to the estate of the deceased so it's up to the executor or representative to distribute it in accordance with probate laws.
Technically, the money is supposed to go to whomever the donor intended it to go. Very likely the intent is NOT to go the estate (nor would that typically be a good idea). Rather, in my experience it is meant to go to the grieving family of the decedent, usually to assist with things related to the funeral, burial, etc, support for minor kids of the decedent, or other immediate needs of the surviving family. Or if the family has designated a charity, the money may be intended for that.
 

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